First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don't give a shit. What's worse is that you're more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.
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Vapor Snobs
February 14, 2014


First off, a little background. I quit smoking over 3 months ago. My last cigarette was on Halloween night. Yay me, right? Well, to be fair, I didn't give up nicotine. I hopped my happy ass into the wonderful world of electronic cigarettes. Basically, I have this device that looks like a cigarette where the long white part is a battery and the "filter" part is a cartridge+atomizer ("cartomizer") that contains a flavored liquid, which also has a fuckton of nicotine. Readers of this site know that I've always enjoyed smoking and never wanted to quit. There's probably nothing else in the world that could've ever gotten me off the tobacco (or, as they're called in the e-cig world, "analog cigarettes" lol).

If I sound like I'm trying to whore out e-cigs, that's because I am. I get to keep a habit that I enjoy and eliminate the deadly side-effects of it. Normally, when I get to be a fan of something like this, I tend to join online communities to talk about it. Even if it's just a short obsession, I'll hang out and at least lurk on a forum for a while. Sadly, this is not the case with e-cigs, because people who "Vape" are fucking snobs. I did all my own research and comparisons when I was thinking about e-cigs, not because I didn't want to seek out help, but because there wasn't any help to be had for what I wanted to do.

Let me explain. I wanted a cigarette replacement, like a lot of people who are going straight from tobacco to e-cigs. After watching video reviews and reading some stuff online, I decided to go with the Green Smoke brand. They seemed to be the best in terms of quality, battery life, etc. in the world of the particular type of e-cig I wanted, what's called a "cig-a-like" (cigarette look-a-like).



So what's the problem? Well, the problem is that the Vaping community is made up of people who think cig-a-likes are beneath them and they do nothing but berate and condescend to anybody who uses them or wants to try them. They sit there puffing away on these dildo-looking devices that put out vapor like an on-stage fog machine and tell any noobs who will listen to them that cig-a-likes are useless and nevermind those, just buy one of these big motherfuckers that you'll need to clean, maintain, replace parts on, etc.

The problem is that the people who think vaping is a hobby are dicks to the people who just want to enjoy their fucking habit without learning e-cig engineering!

Obviously this didn't affect me or sway my decision in any way, but then I'm not the kind of person who is going to listen to the opinions of others when my own research says something different. But what about others? If I had listened to the vaping assholes I tried to get "advice" from at the start, I probably would've just kept smoking. They go out of their way to tell people that the low-maintenance, easy-to-use product that works just like a cigarette is no good and, instead, they need to get this hulking metal phallic object to suck on and, OH BY THE WAY, you'll need to learn a whole new technology!

Seriously, if those giant monster e-cigs were the only thing available, I'd still be smoking. The thing these vape-holes don't seem to get is that not everybody wants to do this as a fucking hobby. This is not a goddamn HOBBY for me, you pricks! This is a habit that I happen to enjoy. That's all. It doesn't need to consume my life. I don't NEED to sit here vaping for hours on end, putting out so much vapor that my room looks like the Thriller video! The cig-a-like I have is perfect for me!

And guess what? It's perfect for the MILLIONS of other people who use it too! From what I can tell, the hobbyist vapers are very much in the minority of e-cig users, but they're a very vocal minority because most of the people who replaced tobacco with cig-a-likes don't give enough of a shit to ever consider saying something about it. It's just not that big of a deal to us!

So if it's not a big deal, why did I write a rant on the subject? Sure seems like a big deal to me, right? Here's the thing. Vaping is not a big deal to me, but all the people I've seen giving out bad advice is a VERY big deal to me! When I bother to look at an e-cig forum or something like that, I constantly see posts from people who want to get into vaping and they are *always* firmly directed away from cig-a-likes and toward those metal dildos. For a lot of people, that can't be anything but a turn off. I know that if I wanted to get anyone that I know into vaping, it would be a lot easier to say "Just buy this and you're all set!" than "Well, you have to buy this thing and then you'll need to know how to clean the tanks and replace the coils and blah blah blah blah blah blah BLAH!" I don't know one single person in real life who wouldn't shut me down and look at me like I was a fucking retard for doing that shit!

Damnit guys, you're trying to get people to try an alternative to smoking! You don't get people to try an alternative by making it more and more fucking complicated than what they're already doing! As it stands, just using the cig-a-likes is already more complicated than just lighting up, but at least that requires little effort! I understand that those of you who see vaping as a "hobby" don't mind putting in that effort and you enjoy learning all this new bullshit, but guys, SOME OF US DON'T! For me, this is not a goddamn hobby, it's a drug habit! I'm looking to pick something up and puff on it to get a nicotine fix. THAT'S ALL! My Green Smoke e-cig works just like a cigarette and puts out an amount of vapor that is pretty much equal to the smoke I'd be getting from a cigarette. It replicates the look and feel of smoking very well. What the fuck more could I possibly NEED besides that?!

You try asking that question on an e-cig forum and enjoy the lambasting you'll get. To those people, this is not supposed to be simple and non-complex, this is a goddamn HOBBY and they admire the biggest, most powerful, most vapor-producing rigs out there. It's not about simulating smoking, for them, it's about having fun with a new hobby. And that's fine, FOR THEM, but not for everyone, and I think it's about time they stopped being dicks about the fact that not everybody who is interested in e-cigs is ready to join your fucking suck-on-a-robot-dick cult and earn an online degree in vapor engineering!

There is also the fact that the technology we're talking about here is fairly new and rapidly evolving. Most of the cig-a-like naysayers tend to be people who tried some brand or another 2 years ago and found it to be lacking. Well, yeah, it was lacking, two years ago. The technology has grown by leaps and bounds in the last few years. So most of these long-time Vapers are bashing a shitty product that doesn't even exist anymore! It would be like me suggesting that you don't get an iPhone because my cell phone I had in 1995 was kinda crappy, therefore all cellular phones must be shit. Hey, I know, you should get your own telephone switchboard in your house, that'll be awesome, here's some links to teach you how..... NO, FAGGOTS, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

In closing, I'd like to point out that most of the cig-a-like bashers seem to have forgotten the direction in which technology seems to evolve. "Smaller is always better" is the industry standard for anything electronic! The ultimate goal of e-cig manufacturers is to create something the size of a regular cigarette that performs like one of those big dildo-sized vapor powerhouses. That's not conjecture, that IS their goal and that IS the direction the technology is heading and that will most likely be the reality in the next decade or so. Waving around your giant pieces of technology claiming superiority is like people with "Bag Phones" holding them up in the air claiming superiority over those with portable cell phones back in 1995. And just like that techonlogical comparison, the bag phone DID work better and was more reliable and had a better signal, etc. That didn't mean it was right for everybody and the industry's goal most certainly was NOT to keep cellular phones huge and imposing! My point? One day ALL e-cigs will be cig-a-likes, so you'd better start letting go of that retarded fucking snobbery right now! You look like an idiot. Seriously.


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