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Below The Belt
February 7, 2014

When my sister entered the 1st grade, she started having some problems with boys. The little boys would chase her and her friend around the playground, tease her, etc. You know, normal stuff that little boys do to cootie-ridden little girls. In order to resolve this problem, my mother sat down and taught my sister exactly what to do to deal with those boys.

At this point, I probably don't even need to say it. I have little doubt that everyone reading this already knows exactly what moms teach daughters about how to "handle" little boys who are bothering/harrassing them. Not "tell your teacher" or even "bust him in the nose!" Nope.

Kick them in the balls.

And she did. My sister did exactly that and, seeing the power it gave her, became a bully herself. A fact that my parents chuckle about to this day.

I'm interested in trying a little social experiment. What happens if I have a son who is being picked on by a girl? Well son, you see, the obvious (and funny) solution to this problem is that you are supposed to intentionally inflict pain to her genitals. That's how you stand up for yourself and us adults will just sit over here and chuckle knowingly at your cutesy little..... Wait, what? My son has been referred for counseling and Child Protective Services is paying me a visit?!

You see, there is a double-standard at work here. I didn't like it when my sister became a bully who terrorized every testicle on the playground and I still don't fucking like it! It's a perfectly normal and acceptable part of raising a little girl that she gets taught to kick a boy in the balls! There are SO many other things a girl could be taught to defend herself is boys are a problem, but nobody even bothers! Most girls I know can't even make a fist, let alone throw a punch, but they know for goddamn sure how to aim for the groin!

Just stop and think for a moment about what we're teaching these girls. Ladies, I think it's time that somebody informed you: Sexual assault is not a method of self defense!

Oh yes, I most certainly DID just label the act of kicking a guy in the nuts "sexual assault." Y'know why? Because that's what it's fucking called when you accomplish your goal of hurting another person's reproductive organs!

At this point in the rant, I could probably win money by betting that every single female reading this is rolling her eyes and accusing me of over-reacting. Girls and women have to defend themselves, they say! Females are generally physically weaker than men, so this levels the playing field, they say! Blah, blah, blah, something, something, boys picking on girls are assholes who deserve it, they say!

Those are all great arguments! Ok, I'm lying, those are all dogshit arguments, but let's pretend they're good arguments so I can just fucking move on.... So yeah, GREAT arguments, ladies, but the real problem here isn't girls and women defending themselves. No, if that was the only use for kicking a guy in the balls, I'd have no objection. After all, when you have a real need to defend yourself against an attacker, there's no such thing as "unfair.' No, ladies, the problem is your attitude and the way that you actually deploy this weapon of yours.

The fact is, kicking a guy in the balls is a form of entertainment for women. They think it's funny as hell. They think it's acceptable to do it as a joke. They think it's cool to use it against some guy who dares to talk to them in a bar. They think that if a guy is "creepy" then he deserved to get his baby-maker crushed!

Women either don't know (or, more likely, don't care) just what kind of weapon this is that they wield against us. Pulling the old ball-kick out of your bag of tricks is like going straight to Global Thermonuclear Warfare, but women treat it like it's just another version of the old black-and-white-movie slap in the face. They act like it can just be tossed around willy-nilly (yes, I motherfucking said "willy-nilly" now suck my asshole)!

Ladies, I want you to imagine the worst menstrual cramp you've ever had in your life. Now, multiply that pain by three. Now, imagine that it doesn't stay in your abdomen, but slowly spreads throughout your entire body. You can't breathe, you get chills, you feel like puking (and probably do), your head is pounding, your vision is blurry. All you can think about doing is curling up in a the fetal position and holding onto yourself, putting all of your concentration into trying to draw breath into your aching chest and gut.

If you can imagine that, (ProTip: You can't) congratulations, you know what it's like to get kicked in the balls! What if we had the power to inflict that super-cramp on you at will? And to initiate this pain, we have to make physical contact with your vulva, against your will. Under what circumstances, in your opinion, would it be socially acceptable for us men to do so? When, in fact, would it be at all funny for us to do so? If my son is being annoyed by a little girl at school who just won't leave him alone, is it a good idea to teach him the super-cramp-pussy-touch? Just how young is too young to laughingly teach my son to make aggressive physical contact with the genital area of the opposite sex?

This is abhorrent, digusting, shameful behavior that should be socially acceptable at any level! Bitches wanna talk about "rape culture?" Fine, let's talk about it, because this is YOUR contribution to it! The idea that you're allowed to put your hands, feet, knees, or any part of yourself into unwilling physical contact with my sexual organs is disgusting. It is a sexual assault, FAR more painful and traumatic than some guy grabbing your boob or your ass, or just trying to buy you a drink. It's DISTURBING that you bitches find this A-Okay!

This is a trend that needs to stop. In this day and age where women are legally and socially expected to be the equals of men, it's time that they start holding themselves to the same level of responsibility when it comes to all that "rape culture" stuff. So I'm going to speak for all men here when I say, FUCK YOU bitches, it's NOT okay for you to put your hands/feet/knees/etc. on my body without my consent!

There's a reason we use "below the belt" as a euphemism for cowardly gutless actions. If you are serious about "defending" yourself from big evil mean nasty mean, then learn to fucking fight. Sexual assault is not a form of self-defense, and it's damn sure not a form of entertainment for you and your cunty little friends.

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