When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called a Religion.
-Robert M. Pirsig
Lord Galen
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My Girlfriend's Youthful Looks
April 13, 2012

Dear Galen

I'm in need of a little bit of insight and I know you're tired of relationship letters but I figured I'd give it a shot. Maybe while typing I'll realize a few things.

Lets call me "Steve". I am an average 22 year old male. My girlfriend, "Sarah", is 21. We have a great relationship, it's been going on 10 months strong. There is a slight issue which never bothered me until there was an incident a few days ago.

On a GOOD day, Sarah might pass as a 15 year old. Maybe she'll get lucky and get 16. Otherwise people have mistaken her for 13 because of her size and stature. And that's a normal thing for her. I don't look 22, hell two months ago I was carded trying to get into a rated "R" movie. I have my ID ready when I buy beer but I was so confused that night at the movies. The attendant didn't even think I was 17?

My friends joke and say I met her at a playground. I met her off an online dating website (she looked older in her pictures. Needless to say when we met I was scared. I thought she might have been an undercover cop. I actually asked for her drivers licence, but she wasn't mad. Apparently she was used to that). I was still hesitant for the rest of the date but after a while I stopped thinking about it and enjoyed her as a person.

A few nights ago we were at the mall. We were walking and holding hands just relaxing. We like to have a bit of fun every now and then and I groped her butt. I didn't think anyone was around because the mall was closing but apparently this woman in her 50's was across the hall from us in a store. As you can imagine she ran out and caused hell for us.

Shouting out what was I doing to that girl. That I'm a pervert. Asking about her family and if she was a runaway or something. Asked if she was MY sister. We were very embarrassed and even though it seemed like the mall as empty suddenly it got very crowded. We kept trying to walk towards the exit but she was seriously following us just shouting things. In vain Sarah said she was my girlfriend and that she was 21 but that didn't work at all. Thankfully no security guards or anything came.

We came back to my apartment and she asked me if I thought of her as a kid at times. Honestly I couldn't even look at her, I started to feel guilty towards myself. I told her no because that was the truth. But then she asked if I was embarrassed to be beside her. I told her no, but that after that event it seems a bit difficult. That maybe I was doing something wrong, even though I know that I'm not. Then it turned into if I liked how she looked, that she dated someone last year who told her that he really like how young she looked and had weird fantasies so she left him. The conversation didn't go well and I was regretfully on the couch that night. No angry sex lol.

Truthfully I don't know what I'm looking for right now. I don't know if I just wanted to vent (though I already vented to a few friends already), or just how to convince her that I like her for who she is and not what her appearance is (not that she's ugly, shes very pretty).

Your loyal follower

Dear Loyal,

The very first question I had after reading your letter is the one that she already asked you. So let me ask it again: ARE you embarrassed to be seen with her? Because, my man, you fucking SEEM to be.

What is with your shit of "thankfully no security guards or anything came?" What the fuck? Dude, I would have been LOOKING FOR a security guard! I would have stood right there and handed the loud-mouth bitch my cell phone to call the cops (or called them myself). I would have waited for the cops to show up and then ask my girlfriend for her ID. At which point, that stupid old cunt could've been made to look like a dumb bitch.

See, the problem here is that I think you actually DO have a guilty conscience over dating her. I think you really DO feel like some kind of perv, deep down inside, because you're attracted to this girl who looks 13. I can't say that I blame you. I imagine that if my wife looked like a 13yo girl, I'd probably feel a little shameful for wanting to fuck her too.

There's your first step. Admit that you DO feel some guilt over it. Admit that you sometimes feel a little like a sicko. But once you've admitted it, ask yourself this question: If my wife had to have her brain implanted into the body of a 13yo girl, would I be morally wrong for having sex with her in her 13yo body? Would I be morally wrong to still be attracted to her, knowing that it's HER and not an actual child, regardless of how she looks?

The answer is no. I would NOT be morally wrong to have sex with an emotionally and mentally mature person that I love. Physical appearance is irrelevant. That being said, I'd have to say that if I didn't at least feel a little creepy about it sometimes, then there's probably something wrong with me. It's a social stigma that exists for (mostly) good reasons. You SHOULD feel a little guilty! And your girlfriend should be GRATEFUL that she has a guy who is at least somewhat hesitant about appearing to be molesting a little girl!

Is this getting confusing? Here's a checklist. Print it out of you need to:

          I accept that I feel a little guilty sometimes for fucking a girl who looks 13.

          I accept that it's OK to feel this way and it just makes me a decent and moral human being

          Having accepted this, I will now get the fuck over it.

A little confused by that last one? Let me clarify. Having accepted your feelings of guilt and realized that it's ok, you now need to move PAST those retarded fucking stupid emotions that you have and respond intellectually to the situation. No matter what your "feelings" tell you, you are not fucking a 13yo girl. You are NOT! With the feelings out of the way and the intellectual realization that even though you do feel this way sometimes, you can grasp it and control it. Your feelings are unimportant, you KNOW what the truth is and you should ACT based on what REALITY is, not on your very flawed emotional perception of it.

The next time you're accosted in public, YOU need to be the one acting all offended. YOU need to be the one yelling in somebody's face. YOU should be upset that somebody thinks you're molesting a child, because that isn't reality. Instead, you acted exactly like a guilty person would. You acted that way because you ARE a guilty person. You FEEL guilty and your feelings need to be brought in line with reality. The first step to that is acknowledging your emotions and then admitting that they're perfectly ok to have, just not perfectly ok to ACT upon.

Also, what a ungrateful bitch that girlfriend of yours sounds like. One guy actually LIKED how she looks and she dumps him? But you're a little guilty about it and she gives you shit for it? You tell that fucking whore that she can have it one way or the other, she doesn't get to fucking pick-and-choose which one she gets to be pissed about. She either wants a perv who will be all into her young looks, or she wants a normal dude who's gonna feel a little guilty about it. Like it or not, these are her choices. Her extremely youthful appearance is an abberation - an abnormality. If I were missing a limb, for example, I'd either choose to be with some freak who's turned on by that, or with a normal person who's gonna feel a little put-off by it but decide that I'm worth overlooking it. She is NEVER GOING TO FIND someone who is INDIFFERENT to it! FUCKING NEVER!!! So tell her to be grateful she has you and shut the fuck up and give you some angry goddamn sex!


Yes. Yes, I did call your girlfriend a bitch and a whore. I'm Lord Galen, suck it!

All My Hate,
Lord Galen

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