If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong. Don't talk to me about protocol.
-Dr. Gregory House
Lord Galen
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Gender Idenity
January 15, 2012

Dear Galen

This is the same dumbass who wrote about the FBI last summer. First, I've gotta thank you for your insightful black comedy. I don't know how much more screwed up I'd be today if it weren't for Snipe Me's community, Joe Bageant (rest in peace), Derrick Jensen, Cliff High from Half Past Human or anyone else among you Internet malcontents with something to tell us about ourselves and the world. Idependent media outlets and certain blogs have done far more to help me learn and think critically than outdated school curricula. Now let's get this business done.

My personal identity is currently in a state of conflict- I was born with some very masculine features (for example, if I didn't shave laboriously, I'd probably have more hair covering my body than even some lemurs), and my somewhat conservative family expects me to be manly in the traditional ways of Western culture, but my personality and thoughts don't match my exterior at all. I enjoy fantasizing about transforming into a woman or a hermaphrodite, I like many things considered femenine by the mainstream (like unicorns and the many shades of red and pink), my behavior isn't macho at all, and I tend to get along better with girls than with boys. How can I correct my feelings so that they will accord with reality? Although there isn't much at stake in this, I still find it a little troubling. Thank you for your no-nonsense stance, honesty and wisdom (you don't need a goddamn, overpriced Ivy League degree to philosophize).

Unruly Coyote

Dear Coyote,

I immediately noticed that the question you asked (the whole point of the DG) was how you could correct your feelings to line up with reality. While that's a noble goal that more people should strive for, I think you're a little confused about exactly what reality IS.

Gender identity issues can be very simple. If you are a Transgendered person, then here's what's going on with you. You have the body of the male sex but the brain chemistry of the female gender. When discussing tranny issues, it's very important to understand that there is a difference between biological sex and one's gender. Most of the time, these two things match up. When they don't, you get transgendered people. If this is the case for you, then it's a very confusing and difficult thing to deal with. Your choices are to either go with what feels natural to you (being a woman) or to suppress that and go with what's physically natural for you (being a man). The question is, which do you consider more important; the physical or the psychological?

My advice to you is the lamest advice possible: BE YOURSELF!

Just be the way you WANT to be and to hell with those fucking stupid labels! It could be that you're not transgendered at all, but just a guy who's more feminine that most. Your feelings of wanting to be a woman could very well just be a simple psychological reaction to the culture you're in and how it prevents you from indulging in those feminine things. You see it as "easier" or more socially acceptable to do/enjoy those things as a woman.

And I say that's BULLSHIT! I'm not transgendered. I'm a man, but that doesn't stop me from enjoying ponies and crying at movies. Being a man doesn't mean I have to pound my chest and watch football while drinking beer with the guys. I have also always felt that I had more in common with the females around me. None of that makes me transgendered or somehow "not a man."

My concern is that you've already labeled yourself as transgendered and are wondering how to tackle that problem (the "problem" being dealing with your family and culture, not actually *being* a tranny). But what if that's NOT the case? What if you're not a woman trapped in a man's body, but just a man who happens to enjoy more feminine things?

Yes, you certainly could be a transgendered person. Maybe you *are* of the female gender regardless of having a male sex. I'm not saying that's not the case, I'm just saying that you can't know if that's the case if you've never tried to just live the way you want to live. I mean, I'd probably feel like I wanted to be a woman too if I were in an environment where I wasn't allowed to be the person that I AM (rather the person I'm "expected" to be).

Really, you seem hung up on gender stereotypes to me. "Oh, I like unicorns and pink things and this and that and the other thing too, I MUST BE A WOMAN CUZ THOSE ARE ALL WOMANLY THINGS DURR HURR!" And my response to you is: Who the fuck SAYS those are all womanly things? Just who the fuck says that a MAN can't enjoy every single one of those things?! You have it in your head that you can't be a real man if you like those "girly" things. Fuck that shit! Your description of the girly things you think and feel is pretty much a decent description of me as well and I'm not a tranny, I'm just a guy who doesn't let stereotypes of how I'm "supposed to be" pin me down. I'll BE whatever the fuck I WANT to be and the traditional ways of western culture can eat my asshole!

All you need to be is you. You don't need to be a woman to enjoy pink unicorns. I'm a fucking MAN, buddy, and I run a site where I enjoy being an asshole and on that site my links are pink and I don't give a FUCK! And also, this must be said:

Rainbow Dash is THE BEST PONY!

^See that? A fucking flying pony with a rainbow color scheme. Am I gay because I like that? Nope, I'd be gay if I liked men. That's not a man, it's a pony and I don't wanna fuck it. Am I secretly a tranny woman because I like that? Nope. I don't HAVE to be a woman to like "girly" things! That's what you seem to be confused about! You think that because your interests and feelings lie in a more traditionally feminine area, you must really be a woman. While that certainly COULD be true, I'm not going to advise you to go down that road when it's clear to me that you haven't even explored just being YOURSELF! You can't decide that what you are is the wrong thing to be if you've never bothered to honestly BE what you ARE!

So that's my advice. Before you run off labeling yourself as "wrong" based on outdated gender stereotypes, just try living HONESTLY for a while and see how that feels. Maybe you're perfect the way you are and don't need to be "fixed." Maybe you don't actually need to be a woman, you just need to be a man who likes girly things. There's not a goddamn thing wrong with being that. BE YOURSELF first, then you can decide if that's the wrong thing to be!

All My Loathing,
Lord Galen

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