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-Terry Goodkind
Lord Galen
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Evolution is Not "Random",
You Uneducated Fuck
June 8, 2011


One of the biggest debates around is the "Where did we come from?" debate. There's one side that follows the chain of scientific evidence and reaches a conclusion based upon it. Then there's the other side, who get their evidence from what was written down by desert-dwelling goat-herders during the Bronze Age. You can clearly see how this is an equal argument.

Before I really get into this rant, I'd just like to point out from the very start that this rant is here for no other purpose than to educate the uneducated and, most of all, to laugh at you for being uneducated. Now, Creationists who read this will no doubt see it as a challenge to their beliefs. They'll see it as an argument. So let me make it clear that this is NOT an argument. There is no argument. When it comes to Creation vs. Evolution, only one side calls this matter "controversial" and it ain't my side. There is no argument, the matter is already settled. I'm just trying to clue you in on it.

While there's many idiot statements I could take on, the main one I want to focus my attention on is probably the most ignorant and fucking retarded. When a Creationist scoffs at evolution and dismisses it out of hand, they like to say things like "Oh, like your belief doesn't take faith? You think we all just got here by complete accident!"

No. That isn't what I think. As the title says, the process of evolution is NOT "random." The trouble here is that you people think there are only two choices:

(A) An intelligent being created the universe

(B) It all happened by accident

The problem with that is that you got choice (B) entirely wrong, due to your ignorance. You seem to think that evolution means "it all happened by accident." It doesn't mean that. Let's explore exactly what "Evolution by Natural Selection" means.

First, the term "natural selection" was coined by Charles Darwin and it's helpful to understand where he came up with that term. He borrowed it from the already-existing term "Artificial selection" which is something humans have been doing for thousands of years.

Artificial selection is, simply, selective breeding. It's how ancient humans took wild wolves and breed them in precise ways to get the traits they wanted and not the traits they didn't want. All modern dog breeds exist because of humans practicing controlled breeding with them. Once upon a time, dogs did NOT exist at all. WE, humans, created dogs by guiding the breeding process of wolves. Yes, read that again. Human beings created dogs; ALL dogs. It is a well-documented historical fact. Whether you believe in Creation or Evolution, the FACT is that no god nor any part of nature is responsible for dogs being on this Earth. WE did that. We took wolves and turned them into what we wanted them to be.


It's a simple process and it only took a few thousand years. Well, really, it only took a matter of centuries before we had what you would call dogs (instead of just domesticated wolves). And wolves are hardly the only thing we've alterered. The modern banana, for example, looks nothing like a wild banana. We crafted it to look and taste the way we wanted it to, using selective breeding of plants.

This is "artificial selection." We artificially selected and controlled the breeding of different plant and animal species to achieve the desired results. Darwin coined the term "natural selection" we he realized the almost-common-sense fact that NATURE does the same thing! Natural selection isn't driven by an intelligence the way artificial selection is, but it doesn't HAVE to be! The key to something being naturally selected is very simple: Life and death.

I'm sure you've heard the phrase "survival of the fittest." That perfectly explains how natural selection works. You get random genetic mutations (yes, the mutations are random), but the good ones stay around while the bad ones don't.

There's no need for intelligence to drive this, it's a simple equation. If your random mutation gives you an edge for survival, the DUH, you survive, and in surviving you get the chance to pass on your genes (and your surviving mutation) to your offspring. If, on the other hand, you get a mutation that hurts your chances for survival, then in the kill-or-be-killed world of ancient Earth, you're fucking dead.

This is both NON-Random and completely natural without any need for an intelligent force to drive it. Survival is not random, YOU FUCKING SURVIVED! You fucktards have worked so hard at either creating a false dichotomy or arguing within the constructs of one that you've failed to see the bigger picture. The answer isn't Choice 1 or Choice 2, it's the fucking third choice that your stupid ass didn't even comprehend

Of course, there are always going to be people reading this (or any other defense of Evolution) who bring up stupid arguments and absurd claims. Where are the transitional fossils, you ask? IN A MUSEUM, YOU IDIOT! What you're looking for by way of "transitional fossils" doesn't exist because the change happened too goddamn slowly for any such thing. We DO see transitions, over the course of millions upon millions of years. No, there aren't any half-monkey half-human skeletons around, just like there aren't any half-wolf half-chiuaua skeletons either, you fucking turnip! Even in the course of a few generations, you won't find that! Try finding a skeleton that's half your dad and half your great-great-grandmother! The kinds of "transitions" you expect to see would only exist if evolution happened INSTANTLY within the course of ONE generation's time! It happens over THOUSANDS of generations, very very very very very very VERY slowly.

The biggest problem that I think you idiots have with understanding this is that you just don't comprehend exactly how HUGE a span of time we're talking about here. Oh sure, you abstractly get the concept of "millions of years" but you don't really GET IT. So I'm going to help you. The following example is totally ripped off from Richard Dawkins. "OMG NO, NOT THE ATHEIST KING!" Besides being a famous atheist, you idiot, he's also a famous evolutionary biologist. In other words, someone who UNDERSTANDS all this shit that your little goblin brain gets tweaked by. So here goes:

First, I want you to imagine the entire span of human history. All the many thousands of years of human civilization. The pyramids, the Great Wall of China, etc. Now go even further back and imagine our hunter-gatherer ancestors. Stone tools and bear skins and sharp sticks to hunt with and shit like that. Human civilization has been around for a long fucking time, by our reckoning.

Now, hold your arm out straight. Imagine that your arm represents the entire history of the planet Earth. Now, take a fingernail file and scrape it across your middle finger's nail just one time. See the dust that fell away from your nail when you did that? If your arm is the entire history of planet Earth, that dust is the entire existance of the human species.

Now, your first instinct is to call bullshit. Nope. Not bullshit. The homo sapien species has been around for - at the very MOST - 200,000 years. The planet Earth has been around for about 4 and a half billion years. Do the simple math, retard. We've existed for 0.004% of the Earth's life. LESS THAN HALF OF A HUNDREDTH OF A PERCENT, ASSHOLE! So yeah, the dust from your fucking fingernail.

Feel special now? Feel like Jesus magic'd the whole thing out of his ass JUST FOR YOU? Or are you maybe starting to see the POINT that instead of "LET THERE BE HUMANS LOL" it took natural forces an ENORMOUS amount of time to cook us up! Maybe you're starting to see that with a non-random process like Natural Selection, the most common elements in the universe (of which we are made up) and the increbily fucking mind-blowingly VAST span of time (the whole length of your arm), no intelligent force was NEEDED. Forget whether or not one EXISTS, the fact remains that even if there was a god up there, his help was not NEEDED for us to come into existance!

Or, maybe you're not thinking those things. I could've stopped that sentence two words short and still been accurate: Maybe you're not THINKING. Like, at all. And that's a shame, because all those billions of years Naturally Selected you to have a beautiful, intelligent, thinking mind. It's a shame you don't use it.


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