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Fuck Dan Wheldon
October 19, 2011

If you haven't heard about this, Dan Wheldon was an Indy Racing champion who was killed this past Sunday (Oct. 16th) in a 15 car pile-up just 12 laps into the final race of the season. Fans are mourning his loss. Even people who don't give a shit about Indy Racing are like "Damn, that sucks so bad...." and "He was so young..." etc.

Dan Wheldon was my age (33) and the people mourning his loss the most have to be his wife and 2 young sons. And that explains the title: FUCK Dan Wheldon!

He wasn't a hero. He wasn't an awesome guy. He was a smug bastard who had a dangerous job where he risked his life all the fucking time for NOTHING. It's not like this was a cop or a fireman or some other person with a dangerous occupation that actually benefits society. No, this was a selfish prick who has caused his wife and family all this pain and anguish because... why?

Oh yeah, that's why. Yes, of course, let's not risk our lives for anything fucking meaningful and get called a fucking "great man" or anything. How many goddamn babies has Dan Wheldon saved from burning buildings? I saved six just before breakfast! What a pussy!

Seriously, go find any dashcam video on YouTube and play it at double speed. Having fun? This is what Dan Wheldon died for. This is what he risked his fucking life every single race to do, so that inbred mouth-breathing idiots can sit in the stands or watch it on TV, drool a little bit and hope the whole fucking time to see a wreck and then when it happens they act like it's a horrible tragedy.

It's not a tragedy, you dumb hick. It's what you paid to see. Enjoy it, you fucking knuckle-dragger!

I feel nothing but pity for this guy's wife. She probably lived the same way a cop's wife lives. Never knowing if her husband is going to return home from work because any random bullshit could take him out in a fucking SNAP! At least a cop's wife has the benefit of the news being broken to her by her husband's partner or something like that. Dan's wife was probably there and got to see it happen live. I can't even imagine how she must've felt. And at least a cop's wife knows that her husband died serving and protecting and all that crap. At least a cop - even a crooked shithead asshole cop - was putting his life in danger all the time for a REASON! At least the cop's wife can be PROUD of her husband and tell her children that he really was a hero and died honorably. But 'ol Danny's poor wife....

"Mommy, where's daddy?"

"Son, daddy went up to Heaven to be with Jesus because he never fucking grew up and learned that driving cars around at 200mph is GODDAMN STUPID and he loved doing it more than us."


Poor little Dan Jr. or whatever the fuck his name is. I feel bad for him and his brother too.

To summarize: Dan Wheldon was a prick and he can twist up like a pretzel in his grave in order to more easily go fuck himself.

Also, it needs to be noted for the record that none of the aforementioned shit applies to Dale Earnhardt; he was the man, go suck a dick.

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