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Anthony Weiner
Titanium Balls, With Diamond Decor
June 8, 2011

In the media lately, there's been this huge scandal over Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner. Apparently he tweeted, Facebook'd, etc. "lewd messages" and pictures to "young girls." Don't you like how they phrase that ("young girls") so that 20-somethings sound like pig-tailed little school girls? Cuz it makes him sound like worse, of course. Fucking old media dinosaurs....

For me, this is like Deja Vu. Having lived through the whole Bill Clinton scandal, I've seen it before. Lots of negative press, all of Weiner's supporters and constituents turning on him, etc.

Well you won't find any of that bullshit here! As a living god, let it be know that I FUCKING LOVE ANTHONY WEINER MORE THAN EVER BEFORE! This man is now my hero!

I mean, FUCKING PLEASE! A guy tweeting his dick to college girls? This is a big deal? WELCOME TO THE INTERNET, NEWFAGS!

As usual, you're all too goddamn sensitive about a tiny issue (or a HUGE issue if we're talking about Anthony's 16-inch Weiner, amirite?) that's not even important. WHO GIVES A FUCK if this dude was tweeting girls his dick in his spare time? Someone without a brain and not enough to fucking worry about in their own life, that's who!

Anthony Weiner is a public servant. Y'know who else serves me? The pizza delivery guy. Y'know how much I give a shit if he's tweeting his dick to chicks online? C'mon, just guess how much of a shit I give! In fact, OH I KNOW, let's make a fun chart!

People Who Serve Me Percentage of A Shit Given
Pizza boy 0.0%
Waiter 0.0%
Cashier 0.0%
Cable guy 0.0%
Doctor 0.0%
Vet 0.0%
Bank teller 0.0%
Cops 0.0%
Congressman 0.0%
Milk man 0.0%
Paper boy 0.0%
Your mom 0.0%
Garbage man 0.0%
Prostitutes 0.0%
Tech support 0.0%
Mechanic 0.0%

Oh look, it appears that I don't give ANY shits about the private lives of ANYONE who serves me in some capacity! I guess that makes me NOT A FUCKING IDIOT, LIKE YOU!

In closing, I'd like to remind you that Anthony Weiner is the fucking MAN and should be our next President.

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