No one is more truly helpless, more completely a victim, than he who can neither choose nor change nor escape his protectors.
-John Holt
Lord Galen
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Frustrated With Friend
January 1, 2010

Dear Galen

My friend has been driving me up the wall....but it's also her friends as well. I'm normally shy and introverted, and ALL of her friends seem to think that's a bad thing. She said they got hurt when I wouldn't play a video game with them. Big deal, right? She said that her friends always assume I'm upset or pissed off, just because I look pissed. I told her I'm not gonna walk around with a damn grin on my face every day, and that if I was pissed, her friends and her would have known it. It's like she can't accept the fact that I'm not very outspoken and outgoing as she'd want me to be, and she's trying to change that. She exaggerates every thing I've done, and it always gets twisted into something I never intended by her friends. I'm always the last to know, and she wonders why I get so offended...I mean if she isn't gonna tell me anything how can I correct it? She and them are SOOO thin skinned, every thing gets taken to heart, and I don't know if this friendship can take anymore of her criticism and her need to change me, all because she cares so much about what her friends think of her. I told her that I don't give a shit what people think of me, but she can't wrap her head around that. There's nothing wrong with shyness, right? She's my only friend, the ONE who wouldn't fuck me over like so many have, and I don't want to lose her, but should I give her yet another chance or drop her?

Frustrated With Friend

Dear Frustrated

You close your letter by saying that she's the ONE friend who wouldn't fuck you over like so many others have. I question that. It seems to me that she's continually fucking you over, putting her other friends and their opinions ahead of you and your thoughts and feelings at every available opportunity. Just how in the hell is she NOT fucking you over?

It can be difficult, especially when you have only one "real" friend. You don't want to lose that one and only friend, so you compromise. The trouble is, you're compromising who you are in the process. The whole concept of "best friends" and even friendship in general is vastly overrated. Someone should be your friend when their presence is ENJOYABLE to you. If you're not happy around her and just feel stressed out because of her fucking bullshit behavior, then she already ISN'T any sort of friend to you!

My advice would be to just tell her, straight up, that you don't want to hear anymore about this shit. If she brings it up again, get ANGRY and tell her to shut the fuck up, that SHE'S the one pissing you off, and to just drop it because it's none of her goddamn business if you're introverted or whatever other pop-psych diagnosis she wants to slap on you.

I, like you, have very few real friends. Unlike you, I like it this way and KEEP it this way by design. I think highly of myself and consider it a fucking honor to be my goddamn friend and anybody who isn't worthy of that honor, *snip* the ties get cut! If someone isn't worth having as a friend, why keep them around just so you can say that you HAVE a friend? Fuck that noise! She can either straighten her shit up, or you can cut her loose. YOU'RE the one to make that decision about the friendship between you and her. This isn't a friendship between you and all of her goddamn other fucking stuck-up little bitch friends. Keep that in mind.

All My Hate,
Lord Galen

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