We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
-H. L. Mencken
Lord Galen
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In Love And Lost
July 4, 2010

Dear Galen

Ok Galen, I know it's long time no see and all that, I was actually one of your followers but now I since I got into University I haven't been able to keep in touch with all of my previous activity, that and the thing that I am about to tell you about.

Ok, here's the background, and sorry for making it so long, but it's quite complex:

I have been with this chick for 6 months now and I am head over heels in love with her. I have been an asshole and did things I shouldn't have (none of the jealous or offended shit however, but it's still shit I shouldn't have done) and now it's going to be about 7 months the day after tomorrow.

My parents bitched about her but I sucked it up to be with her and now they are making me look for a job in order to keep an apartment I got for 450 and they were paying it; now, I have one month to pay it and about 2 weeks at the time of this letter to you.

I've stopped talking to two chicks because my girlfriend seriously fucking hates them because they have been part of my life and she fears that I'll be going to them in order to seduce them or something. The problem started about 3 months ago when one of them lied to me about something my girlfriend did and I just sucked it up and kept on being happy with my girlfriend. I guess that was the correct choice to do, not bother about it. Then she started to follow me on her pages [my friend] and my girlfriend got jealous (ok, yes, she is extremely jealous for your information) and then I spilled that this friend of mine did lie to me and all sorts of stuff came up and I had to accept guilt on lots of stuff I didn't even had anything to do with.

3 months later:

After all that we came to the point where both of us just had enough of that issue and we moved on (or so I thought). After that she found out lots of my accounts I haven't even touched and she accused me keeping in touch with that woman. Ok, I do know I deserve it for being an idiot and not have stood up for what I knew was the truth and be pulled into her being right time and time again about my intentions, AND because I should have closed my accounts long time ago when I decided to switch accounts but anyways. She always found these accounts I do not keep up with and she accused me of keeping in touch with my ex-friend now, it was a battle until mid march. Then she and I gave up on it and I kept on being sweet and all with her.

Then this other girl came along, my ex girlfriend, and she asked me some questions that I didn't want to answer and my girlfriend has gotten upset at me.

Now, I have stopped all communications with both, I have left my family because of her, and I keep on having these troubles with her. Do you think this is worth it to keep on going, or should I just give it up and let her go?

By the way, I am 21 at the time so it's not like I am one of the 17 or 18 letters you usually receive, but I just don't know who else to turn to.

Hopeless Loner

Dear Loner,

Let me just quote you some of the phrases in your letter that jumped out at me.
"shit I shouldn't have done"

"stopped talking to two chicks because my girlfriend seriously fucking hates them ... and she fears..."

"my girlfriend got jealous (ok, yes, she is extremely jealous..."

"I had to accept guilt on lots of stuff I didn't even had anything to do with."

"...she accused me keeping in touch with that woman."

"...I deserve it..."

"...I should have closed my accounts..."

"...she accused me of keeping in touch with my ex-friend."

"...she asked me some questions ... and my girlfriend has gotten upset at me."

"I have stopped all communications..."

"...I have left my family because of her..."

"...I keep on having these troubles with her..."

I see a pattern here. It's a pattern of your girlfriend doing fucking bitchy retarded shit and YOU being the one at fault. She is exactly the kind of person I ranted about in my Jealous Assholes rant from '04. I'm gonna lay this out for you simply. Here is my advice in the form of a bulleted list:

She has no right to expect you to give up ANY friends.

You don't have to do a goddamn thing she asks of you if it will cause YOUR feelings to be harmed.

She is controlling you.

She is manipulating you.

You think it's your fault, because that's what she's got you convinced of.

She is a fucking cunt.

I would advise any woman dating a man like this to get the fuck out NOW, and I'm advising you the same. If you don't want to take this advice, the alternative is to simply tell her to stop and that you aren't giving in to her demands any longer. Your family and friends ARE more important than HER.

"Oh, but Galen, I love her so much!"

Yes, you do, but love isn't enough. Contrary to what you've been taught by movies, fairy tales, etc. love does not conquer all. Love does not overcome barriers and differences. Love does not resolve problems and, in fact, it tends to cause them more often than not. Being in love with her is not going to be enough to make you happy if this keeps up. Actually, you don't sound happy AT ALL right now! How's that love thing working out for you? Her love keeping you happy while she drives you away from everything else in your life, is it?

My wife has been jealous twice in our 9 and a half years of marriage. it was in the early days of our marriage. On both occasions, my exact words to her were "Get the fuck over it. Nothing's changing." I told her bluntly that her jealousy was HER issue - not mine - and SHE had better sort that shit out and stop bothering me with it. It could well be said that I was being a bad husband by not caring about her feelings. Maybe so, but that's my reaction to jealousy and if it were everyone's reaction to jealousy, situations like yours wouldn't exist. No, I DON'T CARE about my wife's feelings if her feelings are jealous retarded bullshit.

Your girlfriend either trusts you or she doesn't. Period. She's say "It's not you I don't trust, it's those girls!" If you stop and think about that for just half a second, you'll see that that makes no sense at all - none. If one of those other girls did anything untrustworthy, it would still fall back to YOU whether you responded or told them to fuck off. But it isn't even really an issue of trust, it's an issue of insecurity. Should you respect and be understanding about her feelings of insecurity?

No. No you should not. All the understanding and respect for her stupid feelings is only going to FEED her stupid feelings. Those feelings need to be STARVED to DEATH. It will take many years, but that insecurity will go away. My wife hasn't gotten jealous over anything in a very long time. She knows it would be pointless and, by now, she also knows that I'm not going anywhere. I'm with her, and only her; she has no doubt of that now. But it takes years to build up that level of comfort and security with a person. If you're willing to put in that effort, then good for you. My advice, however, remains the same: Make her somebody else's problem.

All My Hate,
Lord Galen

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