The will of the people is the only legitimate foundation of any government, and to protect its free expression should be our first object.
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Lord Galen
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Hot 4 Teacher
August 27, 2010

Dear Galen

I am a Junior in high school and a girl. I think I'm in love with my American History teacher. He's 37, divorced, and has no kids. He's not what most girls would call hot or anything, but to me he is. I think about him ALL THE TIME. Not just like sexually but dreaming about dating him after I graduate and getting married and having kids and stuff. He's a great guy and he's a MAN not a stupid little boy like the guys who like me. You're a teacher and a guy and give good advice, so what do you think?


Dear Hot,

First and foremost, if this hadn't been an interesting letter, I'd have fucking printed it just to chuck it out the window. In your last sentence you said "Your a teacher....." I had a goddamn coniption fit right there on the spot. It's YOU'RE as in "YOU ARE" you moron! I have fixed it for you, now we can move on. Normally, that mistake alone would get the your letter the axe, but since this isn't the standard "omg i'm so in LUV wit dis guy!11!!111" I made an exception. DON'T test me again!

You ask for my opinion because I'm a male teacher, but it's not really the same. I teach elementary school and if one of my female students (aged between 5 and 11) were in love with me, I'd refer her to the counselor. Well, maybe not, because I hate shrinks, but you can see where it's not the same thing at all. Nevertheless, I still give great advice, so here goes.

I think your fantasy is exactly that; a fantasy. This man is more than twice your age and not likely interested in risking his career for a cute student (assuming you're even cute, you might be fat and ugly, idk). Oh, but of course, you'll do all this stuff after you graduate! Depending on your state's professional standards for teachers, you may have to wait even longer. For example, here in Georgia the age of consent is 16. Now, at 32, I could legally have a relationship with a 16yo girl. I wouldn't go to jail for it. But the law and the rules of the Georgia Professional Standards Commission are two entirely different things. I might not be in jail, but I also wouldn't be employed in ANY Georgia school after my certification were revoked. And given the interconnectivity of state databases, it's likely I'd never work as a teacher anywhere in this country ever again. But, couldn't I just do what you're planning and what for magical graduation day? Nope. PSC rules state that if I want to date someone who was a student at any school in GA, I have to wait until after August 31st of the year they graduated. In other words, in 3 days I'll be able to date girls who were high school seniors last year. Many states have (much) longer waiting periods. I don't know your state, so I can't look it up, but you could be in for one hell of a wait before you can even TRY to hook up with this dude without risking his job.

And even then, the stigma of dating someone who was your student only a short time ago is MASSIVE. His co-workers would consider him a pervert. His female students would be wary of him, as would their parents. He would get complaints about every little thing he did. He would not last long before the administration found a reason to not renew his contract for the following year.

Still, those are all things he'd have to deal with. All things he can choose to deal with if he wants to risk it. So, what the hell... You wanna date the guy after you're out of his school, give it a shot. Give him a call at home to see how he's doing, tell him you miss him, ask him if he wants to go out to lunch, etc. He might not even suspect anything. Hell, if one of my former students who was now 18 did that, I wouldn't think anything of it. Just tell him point blank that you are attracted to him and ask if he's interested in at least getting to know each other better.

Ta-da! I just taught you how to date somebody. Hey, now I'M your teacher. GIMME A BLOWJOB, BITCH! Bwahahahahaha!

I hope it all works out for you, but I really think you're barking up the wrong tree. I won't tell you not to go for it (life is too short and you only get one), but I'm just warning you that it's probably not going to happen the way you imagine.

All My Hate,
Lord Galen

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