There has been much media hype lately about the Swine Flu. People are flipping the fuck out, buying masks, flipping the fuck out, bothering their doctors, being retarded, and believing everything the news agencies tell them (apparently nobody has yet figured out that that's a fucking bad idea). Thankfully, you have Lord Galen to help you out. I'm the only form of media you need. So just settle your panicky little stupid ass down and pay attention. This is just one big "PROTIP" for all of you.
FACT: The Swine Flu is no more dangerous, deadly, or contagious than the regular old flu that you get all the fucking time.
FACT: People have died from it because the flu can fucking kill you, moron - ANY flu! Yes, the plain old common influenza strain that most people get at least once every year or two is deadly if you don't treat it!
FACT: No American citizen has died of the Swine Flu as of the date of this writing (May 1st). The only person (yes, ONE person) in America who has died of it, came here from Mexico already infected.
FACT: People are dropping dead from this bullshit in Mexico because Mexico is an ass-backwards fucked up little 3rd-world country that can barely treat a runny nose, let alone the fucking flu and especially not an uncommon strain of the flu!
FACT: In spite of this fact, plenty of people in Mexico who have contracted the Swine Flu have recovered and are doing just fine, you idiot. In fact, "patient zero" who started the whole epidemic is alive and well and a perfectly happy little boy living a normal life. That's right, wet-your-pants-guy, the original carrier of the fucking disease was a little boy and he is JUST FUCKING FINE!
FACT: Those masks you're all buying....
Yeah, those things wouldn't protect you from somebody's bad breath, let alone their Swine Flu germs, dickface. THE MASKS DO NOTHING! Well, I mean, ok, they don't do *entirely* nothing. They DO serve the useful purpose of allowing the rest of us to easily identify the completely fucking gullable asswipes walking among us who are incapable of researching something for themselves. You want a mask to protect you from germs? Here ya go:
Now THAT will protect you from damn near anything, including getting laid or joining MENSA. But I'm kidding, of course. A little exaggeration on my part. You don't need all that. You can certainly buy a disposable face mask. Trouble is, you're not, you're all buying fucking paper masks that don't filter a goddamn thing. You would have to buy an actual surgical mask with metal nose clips built in which creates and maintains and air-tight seal around your face. A peice of tissue paper over your face does FUCK ALL, ya jackass!
FACT: The treatment for Swine Flu is exactly the same as for the regular flu. You see, my Mexican amigos, here in America we have this little thing called ANTI-VIRAL DRUGS. Y'know what those do? They fucking kill the Swine Flu, you cockdrip!
FACT: Your doctor and the medical community is "concerned" and wants to make sure you get testing for Swine Flu if you come in. Their "concern" is that their wallets aren't fat enough. You have to get special blood work done to test for Swine Flu, which costs you a small assload and, as stated, the treatment is exactly the same whether you have Swine Flu or the plain old common flu. In other words, you don't need a test and it doesn't matter if you even KNOW which kind of flu you have!
FACT: You will probably not believe me, but you will also not go searching for answers yourself. You'd rather "play it safe" by being an idiot.
You guys get stupider by the goddamn day. At least with all those masks on, you don't have to be embarrassed about showing your face in public. You keep hiding in your sanitized little paper-ninja outfit. I'm gonna go out and breathe deeply while taking a walk through a fucking crowded airplane. Assholes.