Wizard's Fourth Rule: There is magic in sincere forgiveness; in the forgiveness you give, but more so in the forgiveness you receive.
-Terry Goodkind
Lord Galen
Home  •  Classic Home  •   •  Forum  • 

Archive 2009:           2009 Archive Index           Main Archive Index

Stop Jacking Off In Porn!
May 31, 2009

This rant will be very short, very simple and to the point.

The only thing I really enjoy watching in online porn is blowjob videos. That's it. For the most part, porn (of any kind) is fucking stupid, but I suppose it serves a purpose. Those who aren't getting laid, get to watch and fantasize that they're the big-dicked stud in the video getting to fuck some hot bitch. Ok, fine. My wife isn't a big fan of oral sex, which is probably why I enjoy watching what I can't have myself; blowjobs.

Trouble is, it's like searching for the fucking lost Ark to find a decent blowjob video! It keeps ending up the same. I find a nice looking video of a hot ass girl with a pretty face (cuz that's all that matters with blowjobs). She puts on one hell of a performance, sucking the fucking hell outta that dick. It's awesome to watch!

And then comes the ending...

Just as it's getting really hot and heavy, the guy is making noise and obviously about to explode due to the magical oral skills of this hot ass girl.... He takes his dick out of her mouth and starts jacking off.

What The FUCK?!

I just sat through all that awesome blowjobbyness to fucking watch another man jack off???

If I wanted to watch a guy jack off with a girl's face in front of him - in the background behind his dick - I CAN RECREATE THAT MY OWN GODDAMN SELF RIGHT HERE AND NOW, I DON'T NEED PORN TO DO IT FOR ME!!!

Acceptable Endings to a blowjob:

1. The guy blows his load in the girl's mouth. Maybe we see some cum, maybe we don't. I don't know about the rest of you faggots, but I'm not watching a heterosexual act hoping to see another man's semen!

2. The girl jacks the guy off at the end. If we're gonna do the facial thing, fine, but the girl does the work, PERIOD!

3. Y'know what, I don't need to see proof that he came at all. Really. For all I fucking care, he can just fake it. As long as it SEEMS like he came, I'll accept it.

4. Pretty much anything where the guy keeps his own goddamn hands OFF his dick!

UNacceptable Endings to a blowjob:

1. The guy makes himself cum at the end. What was the fucking point of even having a girl there then, you moron?!

I hope I've helped to clear up the amateur porn industry's little misconception. No, us men do NOT want to watch another man jack off. I don't care if he's going to cum on her face; really, I don't. The fact of the matter is, you just used 5 minutes worth of hot dick gobbling to fucking trick me into having a boner while another man beats his meat in front of me. NOT FUCKING COOL!

This has been a public service announcement from Lord Galen.

Archive 2009:           2009 Archive Index           Main Archive Index