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Yes, I Would Kill Baby Hitler
November 26, 2009


The question has been asked many times in debates and lectures. It's a question meant to illustrate how, in general, it is immoral to take a pre-emptive strike against an innocent target. You know the question.

"If you could go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby right after he's born, would you?!"

Yes. Yes, I would. I've heard this stupid argument used WAY too many times. It doesn't make a fucking point, it's just retarded. I know what it's SUPPOSED to be saying about people being innocent until proven guilty and how you can't punish people for what they MIGHT do. All of this I agree with, but the scenario put forward presupposes time travel and a definate 100% knowlege of the future that isn't present in the situations that you fucking morons are using this question as an example for!

If I could travel back in time and kill baby Hitler, I'd do it. Absolutely. No hesitation.

"OMFG Galen! You'd murder a newborn infant?!"

If the infant was newly born on April 20, 1889 in Austria and his fucking name was Adolf Hitler, then YES! I would walk right into the nursery with a Glock, order all the nurses into a fucking office, pick up the sweet cute little baby boy from his crib and drop kick him into a fucking wall! Then I'd stomp on his head. Then I'd beat him with whatever blunt object is handy. Then I'd empty my Glock into his skull. Then I'd douse him in gasoline and set him on fire. Then I'd wait a few minutes and put out the flames by pissing on him. YES I WOULD FUCKING KILL THE LITTLE BABY HITLER, YOU DUMBASS, NOW SHUT UP!

"But the baby Hitler is innocent! He hasn't DONE anything! That's the whole point!"

Right, and if the scenario you used to get to that point didn't involve fucking time travel and knowing the future with absolute certainty, I'd agree with you completely! This "what if" scenario is used to argue scenarios where there is NO WAY you can know something for certain ahead of time. That's why it's retarded and why it DOESN'T prove your point, dickheads!

Granted, there are better ways to handle Hitler if you can time travel, but that's not the question put forth by so many pompous jackasses on the Internet. You could take him forward in time and adopt him, for one. The experiences of his life made him a cocksucking mass murderer; there's no such thing as inherent evil. You could steal him from the nursery and sell him to Jewish parents so he would be raised Jewish. You could drop him off on a doorstep in fucking China! There are a million ways you could prevent the Holocaust if you could time travel. Killing baby Hitler or leaving him to grow up and kill millions are NOT your only options.

I hope I've helped to lay this stupid scenario to rest. Stop using it, you fucking idiots!


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