Each nation knowing it has the only true religion and the only sane system of government, each despising all the others, each an ass and not suspecting it.
-Mark Twain
Lord Galen
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What To Do With My Life?
January 1, 2009


Dear Galen


I just feel like ranting. I am a bit confused, and I am no longer sure what the fuck I am doing. I guess let me start from the beginning.

I am an 18 year old kid living in Delaware. I have always felt like an outsider. Like I was on the outside looking in. I saw how fucked up the world could be. I saw that people were fucking stupid in general. I don't know, I just always knew.

My father was an ass. He was oppressive. He never gave me much room to explore things like religion and politics. He tried to force me to see things his way. And he treated me like a fucking servant. At one point in time he was one of the biggest pot dealers in Delaware. That was until he owed some guy 18,000 for some cocaine. Then we had to pick up and leave in the middle of the fucking night. We eventually moved down to the middle of Delaware... around this time i remember seeing him hurt my mom... i was in second grade... i ran and got a toy... i went back to the living room. i had every intention of stopping him and no intent of stopping myself. He looked at me and said that if i hit him with my toy, he would beat my ass. I began to cower.... Every goddamn time after that, i would cower... For a long time i hated myself for being as such... i would never stand up to him... i would just hide with my little brother and console him...

When i was 15 my mom got him taken out of the house. The first year of their separation was the toughest. My dad and I had two arguments, one in which he disowned me and took it back within a few minutes. He told my mom that she better start imagining what its like to have a knife going through her chest. He did a couple months in jail for it.

About this time though, i took off mentally. i was able to discover new ways of thinking. New ways of seeing things. But at the same time, i was depressed and i had a major hero complex. I would cry myself to sleep some nights. I had been doing that since i was ten or younger. but i had recently moved to wilmington... and i had no friends.

Recently i had a shit load of epiphanies in a week... and i am better now... before i was heading for a mental breakdown... But now i am facing some new problems. My mom is oppressing me now. Telling me i need life experience before i can do anything to change the government or the education system. Telling me that i need to change the government through the government. I have very libertarian views and i am optimistic. My mom isn't. She projects my father on to me, she is stuck playing the victim role, and she is pessimistic as hell. I love her, but she is getting on my nerves. I can never do anything because my mom works nights and makes me watch my 13 year old brother. My dad is lecturing me about respect and academics, when he never finished school, and i never saw him show respect to my mom or me. Who the FUCK does he think he is. I sometimes wonder if I would even care if he were to die. I have no money for college either... To top it all of, one of my best friends, who i have known for seven years, moved to texas a couple of years ago... and we are both crazy about each other... but we can't be together...

What i really want to do is go to college and become a teacher. Meanwhile i want to finish my novels. Then i want to teach for a few years. Then when i have enough money, i plan to travel for a while. See many places, and learn about their governments and education systems, and find a way to improve ours. And one day i will end my travels, come back and change at least the education system... But recently... things have been seemingly bad for the US... I have a few ideas and a strong urge not only to rattle some cages to bring about change, but to tear the whole fucking roof down...... but my mom keeps bashing my ideas... saying i have an unrealistic view of the world... that i need life experience... also i don't think many people would take me seriously because i am only 18... But at the same time... if i were to unwillingly get into trying to change things now... or whatever... i feel like i won't get to do what i really want... that i would be giving up something... i don't know...

Any ideas on what i should do? About anything i have said, my father, my mom, my love, my future? I guess i just need some advice. Thank you for your time Lord Galen.

Signed,
[real name removed]


Dear Emo,

WAAAAAAAHHHHH! My life was tough, boo-hoo! Let me write to a stranger on the Internet and cry about it, waaah!

*ahem*

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, let's move on. You started this letter talking about how you "just wanted to rant." Well, you could've saved me the herd of drama llamas and just spit it out. What you're really after is quite obvious.

You had a shitty childhood and are having shitty adolescent years. Because of the treatment by your dad and the belittling unsupportive nature of your mother, you're incredibly insecure and you need someone to validate what you want to do with your life, so you come to me.

I'm not going to do that. You've already laid out your plans and what you want to do, now you want some higher authority (someone "above" yourself) to tell you "Oh, that's a great idea, that's exactly what you should do with your life, little fella, that sounds great! Oh, I'm so proud of you!"

Well I'm not proud of you. You're being a pussy. Man the fuck up and grow a backbone. What the hell do you need ME for? You ALREADY SAID what YOU WANT to do with your life, so fucking do it! If it's wrong, you'll figure that out on your own and try something else. If it's right, then it was always the right choice and you didn't need anybody to fucking tell you it was the right choice. You wanna be a teacher, that's great, but you also want me to give you some kind of confirmation that that's the right choice to make and that there's nothing wrong with making that choice. Fuck you, not happening!

Look, lemme take it down a notch here for just a second. In all honesty, you sound like a nice kid who has some serious self-esteem issues. You're looking to get validation from me and I DO understand that, even though I don't sympathize with it and won't indulge it. What I'm doing for you right now is the best thing that anyone in your life could ever possibly do for you. I'm telling you to make your own choices and reap the benefits (or the consequences) yourself. Nobody else needs to tell you what to do with your life and the last thing in the world you need is to lean on other people's opinions of YOUR LIFE as a fucking crutch.

You wanna be a teacher? You wanna do X thing with your life? You wanna take your life in such-and-such direction? Here's the Lord Galen Decision Making Guide for you:

1. Make a choice.
2. Decide for yourself if that choice is right for you.
3. Mom doesn't like it? Fuck that bitch!
4. Dad doesn't like it? Fuck that bitch!
5. Anybody else that's not YOU doesn't like it? FUCK THEM!

There's only ONE person in this entire world who TRULY has your best interests at heart and who TRULY wants to make decision that work out best for YOU in the end. That one person is YOU, and only YOU. Oh, you have doubts? You're "not sure" about yourself? Well too fucking bad! You think anybody else is better off than you? You think *I* don't question my decisions and actions? You think your parents and friends don't? NOBODY is ever sure of what they're doing until it works out for them - NOBODY!

Life is risk-taking. It's all one big gamble and you gotta roll those fuckin' dice, my man! Maybe teaching will be the worst thing in the world for you to do, who the fuck knows? Maybe it'll keep you happy until the day you die, but again, who the fuck knows? You won't know if you don't make a decision to try it - or anything else.

You might decide a year from now that you don't want to teach. That's fine. Even though I worked with kids since I was 16, I didn't actually figure out that that's what I wanted to do with my life until I was about 23. You pick out what makes YOU happy and what interests YOU, and that's all that matters, dude. The opinions of other people (even me) don't mean a goddamn thing. It's your ship and only you can steer the course. Good luck.


All My Hate,
Lord Galen


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