Common sense isn't all that common.
Lord Galen
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Teen Boot Camp
August 31, 2009

Dear Galen

I fear that someone I know is in serious danger. Though I don't know anything about him and have never actually met him in any way, I don't want anyone to suffer this kind of sick abuse.

A while ago, said person started a topic at a forum I frequent about how his parents said they would send him to a boot camp if he didn't get B averages in school this year. Later, he said that they're now threatening him if he even says a swear. He informed us that he would be going on a vacation with his parents, and fears it may be a trap - he doesn't even know where he's going. Luckily, it wasn't a trap. He returned to tell us that the fear of going to a boot camp is coming to a close.

Then he posted this:

Jesus christ im scared out of my fucking mind right now. 30 minutes ago I was about to say that i think that the threat of boot camp is coming to a close, but it looked like i spoke too soon. by stroke of luck I had decided to have a midnight snack (in the middle of me typing that it would all be ok). as i was walking back to my room I saw VERY dim lights in my driveway, I barely noticed them. after further inspection I saw it was a white UPS style truck, sitting just barely in view of the glass door. I fucking panicked. I ran back to the laundry room, grabbed a box cutter and hid behind the door. the weirdest thing was that I never even heard that thing pull up, and after careful listening I could barely hear it leave. they where there (I think, remember i dont know exactly when they got there) from 1:00 to 1:10. I think they left because they saw the light was on in my room. (and i had the sades down, so they would not notice till they got close)

It sure as hell was no delivery guy, no box on the door steps. It was either thieves or the boot camp people. and the had a fucking silenced truck. I mean, holy fuck what the hell am i supposed to do! they have a silenced massive truck for fucking sake! It did not even wake my dog sitting at the door! i need help NOW. and i dont know what to do.

EDIT: fuck, I can see them from my window, they are circling to the street behind my house, they keep stopping. I think they are spying on the house. I cant get out of here when they are circling the neighborhood like that.

That post was made about 29 minutes after midnight where I live. Right now, it's 1:48 in the afternoon, and he hasn't made a single post since.

As far as we know, he hasn't informed the police (in fear that the police will tell his parents). He does, however, have some kind of survival kit in case he needs to run away, but obviously, he can't run away without those potential kidnappers. He doesn't have any sort of self-defense, except for the aforementioned box cutter.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this; I don't really even have any question in particular. I just feel like I need to tell this to someone. If you have any advice for someone who's in that kind of situation, it'd be great.


Dear Anonymous

Ah, this is lovely. The height of good parenting is always, of course, the parent who has their own child kidnapped by total strangers in the dead of night, thrown into a van, and carted off to the middle of fucking nowhere. Cuz that's not traumatic or anything. That certainly won't add to whatever problems the kid might already have to begin with. Not that the kid really needs problems to get shipped off to one of these godforsaken hellholes. There've been plenty of testimonies of kids who were sent their for calling their mom a bitch or for not accepting the parents' religion. The "behavior modification" industry is booming and filled with people who enjoy hurting kids. I mean, seriously, if I had a hard-on for making kids' lives miserable, this is EXACTLY the profession I'd go into. Where else can you snatch a kid from their bed in the middle of the night and high-five their parents on the way out the door?! If I were a complete pervert or just a fucking douchebag asshole, it'd be the perfect job for me. It certainly isn't somewhere that anyone would work who actually CARES for kids and their well-being. Kinda setting the whole system up for disaster right there, eh?

You are right to be worried about your friend and probably just as right that there's nothing he can do. At least, nothing legitimate. Though, to be honest, I think he'd stand a better chance by killing one of the fuckers than be letting himself be taken. In court, he'd have a pretty good case for self-defense. After all, if I were suddenly grabbed from my bed and someone was restraining and attempting to abduct me, it would be perfectly reasonable that I should try to kill them! ANYONE would do the same! That's where this "take them without their knowledge" shit can really backfire on these guys. If any of the abductors ever got seriously injured or killed, the kid would go to trial and a court system would not look kindly on the abductors, I don't believe. It's hard to argue against self-defense when you snatch somebody from their bed in the dead of night against their will.

Sadly, I have no advice for your friend for avoiding the boot camp. I have some advice on surviving it though. Your friend should bone up on his acting skills. He can say whatever he wants, pretend to be whoever they want him to be. Contrary to the espousal of a million bad action flicks, you're not "betraying yourself" or your beliefs when you do what needs to be done to survive. William Wallace wasn't brave for screaming "FREEDOOOOOOMMMMM!" instead of crying out for mercy, he was a goddamn twit. Captain Picard wasn't badass for refusing to tell the Cardassian that he did, in fact, totally see 5 lights up there, he was a stubborn ass. I'd have been like "Yeah, sure guy, 5 lights, right there, I see 'em too. Awesome, eh?" In Wallace's place, I'd have been like "yeah sure, Longshanks is totally my king and I'm like SO FUCKING SORRY for being a traitor and all that. Totally. Can I have my quick and painless death now and skip all that torture crap? Oh, I can? Bitchin!" Movies and TV have given people this stupid idea that if you tell them what they want to hear, then you're "broken" and you lose. Bullshit! If you tell your captors what they wanna hear so that they'll fuck off and leave you alone, you get to go free one day and say to yourself "Fuck, I totally played those morons. They thought they broke me and had me eating out of the palm of their hands. Fucking Christ, I'm amazing!" You can do that, cuz once you're free, YOU CAN STOP PRETENDING! They've only broken you if you REALLY believe their bullshit. If you PRETEND to resist and then PRETEND to accept their teachings then you can avoid ACTUALLY getting brainwashed!

Your friend should fight at first and then totally pretend to sell himself out. He should cry and talk about how he's such a horrible person and how he wants to change so bad and blah blah blah and then when he gets out, he can giggle to himself and quietly give them all the finger.

There's my advice. Go peacefully into Hell, side with the Devil to his face, and live to fight another day. The 9th Commandment of Lord Galen says that you should never lie unless the truth would bring harm. Well, telling the truth and being honest with a Gulag school will bring great harm, so FUCKING LIE!

All My Hate,
Lord Galen

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