We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Lord Galen
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Frustrated With Two Idiot Boys
April 26, 2009

Dear Galen

There are a couple of asshole guys in my class who act totally immature. They love to annoy me and try to piss me off even when I'm not paying any fucking attention to them. Then they go and talk shit about it the next day or something. I really want to let off on these fuckers, because ignoring them hasn't worked. What do you think?


Dear Frustrated,

What we have here is one of two things. The most obvious situation that this could be is that those boys think you're hot. Your letter leaves me with the impression that you're kinda young, so I find myself wondering if you've ever experienced a boy (or two) competing for your attention. Well, now you have! Young boys, you see, often don't have a real grasp of how to get in good with a girl, so where a man or older teenager would attempt to be charming and win your affection, a younger boy defaults to being an annoying dickhead. I know this because I was a young boy and I remember being an annoying dick with girls all the way up into high school. I can recall one girl when I was in the 8th grade that I annoyed and sexually harrassed until she went to a teacher about it. I hadn't realized until then that she was genuinely bothered by my "attention."

Had you sent a picture, I could judge whether you're a dog-ugly bitch or not. But since you didn't and since these boys seem to be panting for you, I'm going to assume that you're fucking hot and I'm gonna just go ahead and tell you to get used to this shit. If you're hot, guys are going to be making complete idiots out of themselves because of you for many many years to come.

Alternatively, it's entirely possible that the opposite is true. Maybe you are such a fucking loser outcast that these two vultures have just targetted you. Given your description of their behavior, I find that to be the least likely of the two possibilities here, but it's still possible.

Either way, the solution is the same for each. You need to get it across to these two dipshits that you're not putting up with their bullshit. As was the case with me in 8th grade, you may actually need to get it across to them that their attention is negative and unwanted. If they like you, they might think they're being "cute" and endearing with their dipshit behavior. The same is actually true if they're just being assholes. They think they're being entertaining to their friends.

As I said, the solution is the same for either situation. Corner them, one at a time, and read them the riot act. Let them know that they're not funny, that you're not putting up with their bullshit, and if it doesn't stop you're going to go to the counselor to tell her that you're being harrassed and bullied by them. You may actually need to do that if talking to them doesn't stop it. Believe it or not, most boys will stop once they realize that you really and truly and seriously are BOTHERED by them. If they continue, carry through with your threat and go to the school counselor, where you should start crying and tell her about these two bullies (and sexual harrassers? Maybe).

It only gets more complicated if you have a useless ass school system that doesn't do shit to them. If they continue after you've sought help from the adults around you whose job it is to help you, then you have to take matters into your own hands. The next time they start up with you, pick up a desk and throw it at them! You should scream "I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" when you do this. THEN something will be done by the school - not that it'll be neccesary at that point. No guy is gonna fuck with a crazy bitch who throws desks!

Yeah, you'll get some ISS or something. Zero Tolerance and all that. Who cares? You'll have made your fucking point by then and the only defense you need for yourself is a very tearful and upset "I told them to leave me alone and I begged the teachers to help me and NOBODY WOULD HELP ME! I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Oh yes, you can do it. You're female, so doing batshit crazy things to guys and then manipulating the situation to look like you're the victim is something that's written into your fucking DNA.

Good luck with it. Let me know how it turns out and remember the disclaimer that I'm not responsible for your actions if you take my fucking crazy advice, so don't be pointing the principal to my website saying "Galen told me to do it! I was easily influenced!" You do that shit, I will track you down and throw a desk at you, bitch.

All My Hate,
Lord Galen

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