Wizard's First Rule: People are stupid. They will believe a lie either because they want it to be true or because they're afraid it's true.
-Terry Goodkind
Lord Galen
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StumbleUpon, The Catty Little Gossip Site
May 18, 2008

For quite a while now, I've been getting a lot of traffic coming my way thanks to StumbleUpon.com. For those who don't know, StumbleUpon is one of those "social bookmarking" sites, where people share links to pages they think are cool and others rate the pages, etc. A lesser man would probably not "rock the boat" here. A lesser man wouldn't dare say a bad word about StumbleUpon or its users for fear of losing all that traffic. Well, I'm not a lesser man, I'm a fucking god, and you StumbleBumblers can suck my ass. Keep your traffic. It comes with an influx of idiots and I can do without that.

The first thing Stumble users will think now is "omg, he's gotten thumbs-down so many times, now he's all butthurt, lol." No, actually, the majority of comments to all of my pages that're on StumbleUpon have been positive and well-recieved. Most of my shit gets the thumbs-up, every time. No, the problem isn't people giving me a negative rating or review, it's that most of the time when they do it, it's based on their own pure fucking stupidity and ignorance, not on anything to do with me or my writing. Idiocy frustrates me to no end, so it needs to be addressed wherever it's spotted.

The most comment negative comment I get is "The article might've been good if he didn't use such foul language" or "the author shows how stupid he is and throws all credibility out the window by his obscene language." To those people, I say, fuck you. I've written about that topic before and you'd do well to read it. In summation: Only idiots really believe that the use of profanity to express oneself is indicative of the user's intellect. Whether you swear or not has nothing to do with how smart you are. Secondly, it's not an "article" it's a RANT, you fucking douche. It's a vitriolic spewing of ANGER. What, you want me to be sugar-coat it and paint pretty butterflies all over a fucking problem while I'm trying to dole out some small smattering of wisdom to your dumb ass? Fuuuuuuck YOU, buddy! "OMG, liek, the language totally ofends me!" Grow up, you stupid asshole. But, hey, it does all tend to balance out in the end. Odds are that if you're the kind of person who would discredit the meaning of a man's words simply because of the manner in which he chooses to express himself, then you're also the kind of person who's too fucking stupid to ever really GET anything I'm trying to explain to you anyway. So, you just give me your little thumbs-down so you can feel like you did something meaningful and really showed me. Then you can leave my site forever, and nothing of value will have been lost.

I do have to be honest with you guys though. It is really ONE thing that's set me off today. StumbleFucks being low-brow mouth-breathing fucktards is nothing new. No, here's what really did get to me.

I hadn't read anything on StumbleUpon in months (due to the aforementioned idiocy, which I'm allergic to), but I saw a referrer in my site's logs today and decided I'd go see what'd been said about this particular rant since the last time I read the comments. I found myself at the comments page for my Internet Guide for Parents. Sweet, 79 reviews. Not too shabby considering this is kind of a niche site. I start reading the 79 reviews and it's mostly good with the usual dosage of dumbasses mixed in, plus some genuine negative comments from people who just didn't like the rant. Ok, nothing out of the ordinary so far. But then as I'm reading further, some asshole just pops up and says "Stolen from Maddox, bestpageintheuniverse." Suddenly, I'm getting the thumbs-down from people because the Internet Guide was "stolen from Maddox" or people who say "I liked the article, but I'm not giving it a thumbs up because some people are saying it's stolen."

How the fuck do you people even have the brainpower to operate a light switch, let alone a computer? One moron comes along and leaves a comment that my content is stolen, offering no proof whatsoever, and suddenly it's a fact, or at least it's "what people are saying?"

And this is why I call it a catty little gossip site, because that's all it is. StumbleUpon is like a bunch of blue-haired old women sitting in the front pew at church talking about Martha-Mae's Sunday dress that she bought from a second-hand store and how she should be ashamed of herself for showing her face in public after what her second-cousin did last week blah blah blah blah FUCKING BLAH!

Yeah, I get the "Maddox rip-off" comments all the time. So much so, in fact, that I even wrote a rant addressing that very issue the first year the site was running. Being an idiot and assuming that because I'm angry and use "bad words" means that I'm copying other people who're angry and use bad words is one thing, but to then pop up and say I STOLE something from somewhere else? How the fuck would somebody even get away with something like that when all you have to do is use GOOGLE to find out the truth?!

Let me make a very clear and to-the-point statement for all of you retards out there: NOTHING on this site is stolen from anywhere. Every single rant I write comes from my own fucking brain and nowhere else. Anyone who thinks differently, I fucking dare you to back up your stupid ass little words with some proof. By the way, StumbleFucks, perhaps you should look up that word, "proof," since none of you seem to know what the fuck that means. I stole the Internet Guide for Parents from Maddox? OH REALLY?! Then link to that rant on his site; I dare you. Now, maybe at some point he wrote something on the same subject and that's confused you, but I wouldn't know. I haven't read everything on his site but, to the best of my recollection, I don't think he's ever written anything even close to that Guide. If he has, then I don't give a fuck. I'm sure my Guide was ten times better than whatever he might've written on the subject. Nothing against him, mind you. He's got skills with what he does, but what he does is not the same thing as what I do. Really, read the rant about me being a Maddox rip-off. You SO need to. Even if he did write on a similiar subject, so fucking what? Now I'm supposed to go check Maddox's site to make sure I don't dare write anything that he's ever even hinted at during one of his satire bits??? What the fuck is wrong with you?!

The "stolen from Maddox" bit is just the biggest example, but it's hardly the only one. StumbleUpon is full of cackling little hens who think their opinion matters and, really, I guess it does matter on StumbleUpon. Apparently all it takes to fuck up somebody's rating is to just throw out wild baseless accusations and let the army of morons march away with them.

In just those few pages of comments on that one rant, I was called a pedophile (Yes, yes, I have friends who are younger than me, surely that MUST mean I want to fuck them, right?), I was called either a low-IQ adult or a child who thinks he's "cool" (my IQ is 151 - well into genius level - and I'm almost 30). I was also called "unfunny" which is a legitimate opinion at least, but who the fuck said I was trying to be funny? Assholes who think they know what me and this site are about from reading just one rant out of hundreds, please, put your thumbs down for us.... there ya go! There are presently 204 rants on this site (all written by me) and you read ONE. Consider yourself a fucking expert on Lord Galen, ya dumbshit.

But when it really comes down to it.... I'm just bored and being accused of stealing content tends to piss me off. StumbleUpon has always provided much laughter for me and those who're brave enough to e-mail me their negative idiot comments have provided at least three metric fucktons of laughs.

So here's the deal. Ya don't like my shit? Well, too fucking bad asshole. Nobody told you to read it. Nobody EVER told you to bring your stupid ass onto my website and, no, nobody outside of the StumbleVerse gives 2 fucking shits about your retarded little opinion. How 'bout you just shut the fuck up and go get me my BigMac and super-sized fries before I have to call your manager, ok wiseass? You're not special, you're not important, your opinion means pig-shit to everyone (especially me). I, on the other hand, get fan mail. When's the last time a total stranger e-mailed you just to say how awesome you are? Yeah, that's what I thought. It's ok, though. Really, I do understand your jealousy. I'm awesome and you're not. It's that simple, so I will be a good and forgiving god and ignore your treks into the land of stupidity.

Oh, and for those Stumblers who AREN'T complete and total fucktards, sorry you got caught in the crossfire here... Actually, no, I'm lying. I'm not sorry, fuck you too.

Now, what's say we see how many thumbs-down we can get today?!

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