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Barack Obama, The Muslim Terrorist Master
October 26, 2008

Reading through various things online and watching YouTube videos of McCain supporters, I've nearly hurt myself several times. First of all, it's dangerous to laugh that hard at people; I've had to be rushed to the emergency room and be put on oxygen several times now and my doctors have ordered me away from watching videos of McCain rallies anymore. Second, my doctors are also very concerned about the severe cranial trauma inflicted by either slapping myself repeatedly on the forehead in disbelief or banging my head into a wall.

Nowhere does the McCain supporters' virulent stupidity shine as brightly as when they are asked why they don't support Barack Obama. Some people try to be polite and say "I don't like his policies" which is a perfectly legitimate reason not to vote for someone. Obviously there's a huge divisiveness over the abortion issue, so that's likely a real reason for many people. Of course there are plenty out there who aren't going to come right out and said "I ain't votin' fer no damn nigger!" even though that's exactly the reason. Now, unlike many liberal pundits and black advocates, I'm not gonna sit here and say that every person voting against Obama is racist. That's just stupid. In fact, the only thing stupider than that are some of the *actual* reasons that people aren't voting for Obama!

What, you thought not voting for a man because he's black was about as dumb as it could get? Ooooh, no! It gets WAY dumber! One of the number one reasons I've heard people give for why they don't support Obama is "his background." When pressed on this, they make us giggle at their stupidity enlighten us to the fact that they're talking about his "muslim background." I've even heard people use the logic that his NAME proves his muslim background! Honestly, "...just listen to his name, Barack HUSSEIN Obama!"

Let's take this from the stupidest issue first, shall we? I know a little boy whose name is (and I'm not shitting you here), Prince Edward. No, I'm not making that up. His mother was really that retarded and so desperate for her little boy to get the shit kicked out of him on the playground that she named him "Prince Edward" (and God help you if you just call him "Edward"). My point? While Prince Edward is a perfectly nice little boy, I'm pretty sure he's not part of the british royal family. If Prince Edward should grow up to be a presidential candidate, I'm not going to have doubts about whether or not he'll sell us out to England. Shakespeare said it best: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose would smell as sweet were it not a rose called." In other words (cuz I doubt McCain supporters are out reading Shakespeare), whatever you name something is unimportant. If we changed the name of a "rose" to "shitbar" it would still be a fucking rose and if we changed the name "turd" to "rose" you wouldn't be giving your date a dozen red sticks of feces on Friday night just because they're called "roses," doucheface. By the same token, if McCain's first name were "Adolf" that's not a fucking sane reason to vote against him and if Obama's name were "Awesome Freedom O'MakeYouRich" that's not a fucking reason to vote for him!


So what's someone's name got to do with who THEY are? Oh, well, I know already what you're going to vomit out of your stupid religious-nutbar mouth next. It shows the person's background. It sure does. It shows who their ancestors were. I ask again, just what the fuck does that have to do with a person FROM THIS GENERATION? My wife's maiden name is of lebonese origin. Her grandfather is lebonese. Her father has been detained in airports for hours because of his lebonese name and tan-colored skin. Is my wife a terrorist? I mean, lots of terrorist activity has taken place in Lebanon and because of lebanese assholes over the years. So, you tell me. My perfectly sweet wife, a school teacher, a devout Catholic who teaches Catechism ("sunday school" for those of you who aren't Catholic) and serves on the Ladies Auxilliary... is she a radical muslim terrorist too? I mean, her people DID kill Doc Brown and force Marty to dive into the DeLorean which lead to lots of shit almost getting fucked up for the whole universe, so maybe we should put my wife on trial for fucking crimes against the space-time contiuum, AM I RIGHT?! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IN A WICKER BASKET, I JUST REALIZED THAT MY WIFE IS A GODDAMN TIME TERRORIST, HOLY SHIT I'M SCARED!!!!      (note)

....and THAT makes about as much sense as calling Barack Obama a fucking terrorist because "durr hurrr de-durrr, he gotsa funny name, hurrrrr *drool*" You're an ignorant pile of shit. And, fuck, if we're gonna start punishing candidates based on names, let's start by flogging Sarah Palin for the completely idiotic shit she named her kids! Bristol? Track? Trig? WTF?! At least Willow and Piper are names someone has heard of before! Seriously... Track and Trig? Someone please slap that bitch in the face, now!

The next accusation against Obama is all kinds of convaluted bullshit about his "radical muslim upbringing." Yeah, cuz being born in fucking Hawaii makes him one dangerous motherfucker! And I'm sure it's some horrible crime that Senator Obama's father was some "crazy radical muslim" right? I can totally understand that. Well, except for the fact that Barack Obama Sr. was an atheist/agnostic who just happened to have been raised muslim. Yeah, I can totally see the logic in assuming that A FUCKING ATHEIST would spend some quality father-son time indoctrinating his son with all the beliefs he himself cast off and called bullshit. And this was especially easy for him to do considering that he only saw his future-candidate son on two occasions in his entire life

But where, oh where, did all of these kinda-sort-but-not-really "fun facts" come from? Where the fuck did all this Republitards get the idea that Obama is a muslim? The Internet - where else? Earlier this year, an e-mail began circulating, claiming all sorts of half-truths and outright lies about Barack Obama. One wiseass wrote it (knowing that people are stupid and don't research anything, but instead just believe every ounce of moronic goo dripped into their inbox) and forwarded it to more idiots. Those idiots... wanna guess what they did? ... Yup, they believed it too, and forwarded it to more complete mouth-breathing asshats. The chain continued. So all this trouble started here:

If you do not ever forward anything else, please forward this to all your contacts...this is very scary to think of what lies ahead of us here in our own United States...better heed this and pray about it and share it.

Who is Barack Obama?

Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM from Nyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white ATHEIST from Wichita, Kansas. Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii.

When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya . His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia. When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia . Obama attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta . He also spent two years in a Catholic school.

Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is quick to point out that, "He was once a Muslim, but that he also attended Catholic school." Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that he is not a radical.

Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and this influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned to Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct influence over his son's education.

Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann Dunham, introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta. Wahabism is the RADICAL teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world. Since it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major public office in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama has joined the United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim background. ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran.

Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegiance nor will he show any reverence for our flag. While others place their hands over their hearts, Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches.

Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected presidential candidacy.

The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the President of the United States , one of their own!!!!

Now, I could take the time to debunk every lie and just-plain-stupid thing said in that e-mail, but why bother? You see, boys and girls, there are also fountains of truth here on these Inter Nets. Indeed, if you would just use fucking Google instead of believing a goddamn e-mail that comes to you at random one day, you could maybe discover that the shit said in the e-mail is untrue. In fact, the closest Obama has ever been to being a muslim was that he attended elementary school with some muslim kids in a predominantly muslim area. Well, fuck, I attended middle and high school with black gang kids in a dangerous area, I guess I better start representin' da fuckin' Crips all up in dis bitch! RAT-TAT-TAT BANG BANG, MOTHA FUCKA!

Finally, I'd like to ask a pretty obvious fucking question that nobody else seems to've thought of: What the fuck is wrong with being a Muslim? No, I'm serious, just what is so "evil" and wrong about it even if Barack Obama WERE a Muslim? See, I ask this question because the vast majority of the people who think it's a problem have never even actually met a goddamn Muslim before. I have. I lived in Africa and they're all over the place there. I found every Muslim I've ever met and worked with to be very nice, friendly, down-to-earth people who would give you the shirts off their backs to help you. In fact, I have a much higher opinion (just based off general impressions) of Muslims than of most Southern Baptists I've met! And really, out of the hundreds of Muslims I've know, I never met a terrorist or even anyone who was capable of hurting a fly. The only fucking thing you dickheads ever hear about Muslims is how they're "crazy" and do all sorts of terrorist stuff. What, you think they hold some monopoly on that over other religions? Maybe you should take a fucking trip over to Ireland sometime, genius, cuz the CHRISTIANS (both Catholic and Protestant alike) over there have been doing an assload of terrorist-type shit to each other for a long fucking time! Perhaps we should start judging all Christians based on the behavior of the "Radical Christian Terrorist Extremists," eh? Oh, and believe me, I could spend all fucking day comparing right-wing Christians right here in America to the Taliban. You religitards have WAY more in common with THEM than you do with real freedom-loving Americans, asshole! And by "real freedom-loving Americans" I'm referring to people who haven't been shitting all over the Bill of Rights for the last 8 years - just so you're clear on what I meant there.

I'm going to leave you now with a nice little link for some more in-depth reading on this subject. You see, one version of that e-mail was actually pretty fucking ballsy, because it included a link to snopes.com claiming you could "see for yourself" that all that bullshit was true. I call it ballsy because it was betting on the fact that most people wouldn't "waste their time" checking on those little "fact" things or bothering to check the e-mails sources on one single thing. You see, if you had clicked on the link and visited the page on snopes.com about this e-mail, you would see that it is completely debunked and listed as False. You were duped, Einstein. Big surprise...

Vote against Obama if you want, that's your choice, but don't do it because you're a giant fucking moron who can't think for himself and lets some random stranger on the Internet tell you exactly what you should think. Vote against him because you disagree with him or, hell, vote against him for all your idiot racist reasons, but at least know your fucking facts before you enter that booth, you gap-toothed, inbred, Bible-beating, pile of monkey shit!

I stand continually amazed that people argue against lowering the voting age to 16 because teenagers supposedly don't know shit about shit, yet they still let people vote who get their knowledge from random unsourced factless e-mails and are stupid enough to believe every word of it. You are all mentally ill and every last one of you who believes that Barack Obama is a "muslim terrorist" should lose your right to vote immediately - you are just too fucking stupid.

P.S. - Just in case you're thinking that I'm biased, think again. I'm not voting for Barack Obama. You heard me; now fuck off.

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