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Miley Cyrus' Bare Naked Obscene... Back?
April 29, 2008

All over the news lately is talk of how fifteen year old pop star and actress Miley Cyrus (aka "Hannah Montana") is apologizing for the "racy" photos taken of her during a photo shoot with a very highly esteemed photographer.

Now, I've spoken at great length before about how fucking retarded people (especially here in America) are when it comes to nudity. As if the naked human body is about nothing more than sex and that nudity alone is somehow "dirty," "shameful," and "obscene." So, it came as no surprise to me that people would flip out over Miley Cyrus being the subject of some artistic nude shots. I mean, c'mon, this is Hannah fuckin' Montana, hero and role model to millions of little girls all over the world! What the fuck would all those young girls think if they found out that anything other than a shapeless void exists under her clothes?! What kind of message is she sending to those impressionable young minds? Why, she could influence them in horrible and unpredictable ways! Some of those young girls might even get the idea that their bodies aren't something to be ashamed of and reviled! THE NERVE OF THAT LITTLE BITCH, putting ideas like that into the heads of America's youth!

Well, at least, this was my first impression before I actually saw the pictures. When I did see the pictures, I was indeed absolutely disgusted. I mean, purely sick to my stomach and I got really fucking angry! You may not be able to handle this, but I'm gonna show it to you anyway. Prepare yourselves for this horrid shock....

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! That million dollar fucking WHORE! Look at her! JUST FUCKING LOOK AT HER, having the goddamn nerve to show her bare BACK! Like I said, I was honestly shocked and sickened by this.

And, by that, I mean that I'm shocked and sickened by the overbearing, far-reaching, mind-numbing stupidity and just plain petty bitchiness of American culture. Hahaha, of course you guys all know I'm lying, right? It doesn't really surprise me at all. This is par for the course with for the United States; a bunch of fucking fat pigs who watch too much Oprah and spend far too much time bitching about how other people should be running their lives when they themselves couldn't run their own fucking daily affairs without Dr. Phil or some other snake-oil salesman telling them exactly what to fucking think!

Bitches of America, let's run down the little checklist, shall we? Take a look at the picture above and try to follow along with me.

Sultry look
Cock in mouth
Finger in Puss
Suggestive Pose
Some side-boob action, at least
Visible back
Fucked up hair
Physique of a half-starved anorexic Somalian boy

Now that we're clear on just what the "topless" pics of Miley Cyrus do and do not contain, can we fucking move on now? I mean, seriously people, as much as I expect you all to be giant fucking morons who obsess about the dumbest shit, it's really time to get your priorities straight.

Hundreds of men and women are dying every month fighting a stupid, pointless, UNWINNABLE war in Iraq. Gas prices are through the roof. Foreclosures are at an all-time high. Food prices are rising. Student loans are getting approved at the lowest rate in history. Oh, but let's not worry about any of that shit. Who gives a shit about the economy being THE WORST it's ever been. No time to worry about that; not while Hannah Montana is showing us her fucking BACK! Right, douchebags?

I just don't know how I can say this any more clearly: It's her back and NOTHING ELSE! Where's the fucking obscenity?! I'm serious - WHERE IS IT?! Even by this fucked up society's asstarded definition of what's "obscene" I still don't see it! Where--

Oh.... wait. There it is. Ok, now I got it. When I wrote out "asstarded definition of what's obscene" it just suddenly came to me. My failure to see the problem here results from the fact that I see Miley Cyrus as just another human being. The rest of you see her as a child; a member of the inferior race that doesn't get accorded the same consideration as others.

The problem here isn't that she's bearing her back, it's that she's uncoverd while being underaged. It took me most of this rant before I finally realized this (seriously), but now I get it. This is the same old problem America's had for about 30 years now. We yell about Muslims and how they treat their girls, but in reality, we're all dying to put our own little girls in burkhas. Oh yeah, the issue here isn't "she's a role model" it's "she's fifteen."

I have no problem with these pictures. They're not in any way sexual (in fact, they're pretty much the opposite), however I do think they're nicely done from an artistic standpoint. And yes, I WOULD allow my own daughter to be the subject of photographs like this. Why wouldn't I? There's nothing WRONG here! Not one single inch of "forbidden flesh" is being shown, at all! You can't even see her legs for fuck's sake! This picture is like the exact opposite of erotic; everything that could possibly be enticing is covered the fuck up while everything that illicits no sexual reaction from anybody is visible!

There's no cause whatsoever to call these pictures "racy" or even just tasteless. I honestly cannot fathom what would lead people to demand an apology from her and, quite frankly, I'm pissed at her for giving one. What Miley Cyrus SHOULD have given you bonehead super-prude fucking morons was a polite request that you go have violently rough sexual relations with your own rectum.

In fact, I'd call this simple little issue a nice litmus test to weed out all the undesirables among us. If you were offended by the picture of Ms. Cyrus in this rant, then congratulate yourself on being a dickheaded idiot. I don't care if you have an IQ of 210 and you're the Chief of Blah at Yukkity Schmuck University. You're an idiot; it's that simple.

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