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Lisa Welchel: Emissary Of Satan
February 11, 2008


First, before I do my own ranting, I'd like to share a book review that was posted on NYRA recently. It's a review of a "child rearing" guide by Lisa Welchel and besides being a nice intro to this rant, will serve to remind you of who this stupid cunt is was, since it's unlikely anyone actually remembers her dumb fat ass.

This manual on how to raise bewildered, resentful, and dependent children is more frightening with each successive page. The author describes a variety of "creative" punishments, including forcing a child to wear leg weights or to stand sleepless for long periods, handcuffing children to each other, denying bathroom visits, applying hot sauce to a child's tongue, and public humiliation. She also describes videotaping her children's struggles with these bizarre punishments. Many techniques would be regarded as abusive and illegal in most of the US. The book seems to acknowledge this, as it recommends applying some of the more violent or outlandish methods in private to avoid the attention of child protective services.

Aimed at Christian parents, the book recommends using the Bible in some punishments: for example, a disobedient daughter is required to listen to tapes of the Bible rather than a favorite audiobook. Whelchel does not appear to recognize that using an activity as punishment will cause a child to see it as unpleasant, and that this practice could build aversion to the Bible. She states that these methods "come from the Holy Spirit" and equates herself with God when using them, suggesting that any parent who does not use them cannot be a good Christian or raise Christian children. The concepts of tolerance, allowance for individual differences, or striving for Christ-like behavior are utterly absent.

The most disturbing aspect of the methods Whelchel recommends is that she is apparently completely oblivious to their long-term consequences. For example (page 138): "As we walk along together shopping, I will suddenly give them silly commands that they must obey without arguing, such as 'Walk backward,' or 'Stop and touch your toes,' or 'Give me a kiss.' Occasionally I'll throw in a real command, like 'Don't touch that,' or `No, you may not have an Icee.' My favorite curve, however, is to say no to some reasonable request, like 'May I go to the bathroom?'" Likewise, she makes frequent references to "throwing a curveball" that will keep her kids off guard. These actions teach only that parents' behavior may be incomprehensible, inconsistent, and demeaning, while children must unquestioningly obey any command, no matter how unreasonable. Whelchel's methods are a recipe for turning children into mistrustful, fearful adults who are unable to make decisions for themselves.

Now that we've been introduced to this superb example of a low-life piece of shit fucking stupid cunt, let's get into the rant, shall we?!

There are few things that can provoke genuine anger and disgust in me. After more than four years of running this site, I'm constantly feeling drained of anger; like there's nothing left to rail against that I haven't already covered. And just when I start to feel this way, I find out about people like our friend Lisa, the cunt. Children being intentionally hurt and dehumanized by self-rightious fucks who think they're the right hand of God... Yeah, that's a good way to make me feel like chewing someone's throat open!

Lisa is probably the epitome of a growing problem in the world today. A bunch of fucking stupid assholes with ZERO experience in proper child care, writing books about the subject where they tell other people who're even dumber than they are about how to "correctly" raise kids. You want a book on how to raise kids? Fine, go find a book written by a child psychologist, or someone who's been a teacher for 30 years. Hell, I've been working with kids for more than a decade and I STILL wouldn't say that I'm qualified to write a fucking book on the subject of child care! If, instead, you'd like to read a book on how to raise kids the WRONG way, then by all means, go out and pick up a book by a fucking parent who's raised her own kids her own way. Yeah, congratulations cunt, you've cared for THREE children in your life; well, aren't you just the fucking expert on children?

And, again, Lisa is a perfect example of this. She's raised 3 kids, done it COMPLETELY wrong, but because they're not dead she thinks she's done a fucking great job of it! Not only that, but there's a metric fuckton of other assholes out there who LOVE her book and AGREE with her methods! Supposed CHRISTIANS, at that!

Lisa, you fucking bitch, I'm calling you out! You think your methods are so great? You think you can use this fucking torture against living people and not suffer consequences? Then here's my challenge to you. Let ME come live with you. I'LL be your son for a while and you can try that shit against ME! Let's see just how well your fucking bullshit works against someone who wasn't brainwashed from an early age to accept your BATSHIT INSANE TREATMENT without question. Nah, nevermind, I'll save you the trouble. If you put hot sauce on my tongue for "bad words," I'd break your fucking nose, just out of reflex. If you attempted to handcuff me to one of your other children as punishment, I'd still have one hand free and that one hand would be strangling you and if you ran, I'd drag the other kid all over the fucking house chasing you down.

And guess what, Lisa? These are NORMAL reactions! Oh yes, you stupid fucking hypocrite pile of elephant shit, reacting violently against physical and psychological TORTURE is a perfectly normal human reaction - it's a survival instinct!

I honestly can't imagine just how much your children would love to butcher you in your sleep. Oh they'll never do it, don't worry. I'm sure that by now they're far too terrified of you to ever attempt anything so ballsy. But if they did? If I saw on the news tomorrow that your kids had tied you down and cut you apart with a welding torch, I'd fucking LAUGH so hard! And why? Oh why would that be funny, Lisa? Because it's what you deserve! After what you've put your children through, you DESERVE the most painful and dispicable death that anyone can possibly imagine!

Tell me, bitch, does it make you feel good? Do you feel all spiritual and connected to God when your children cry and beg for their "punishement" to stop? Does it make you feel pristine and "holy" to confuse them with rediculous commands so that they never know just WHAT will set you off?

Y'know, there's a reason that torture isn't used by police and military personnel (I mean before Bush was president, of course). The reason isn't just human rights, but also because it's been found to be COMPLETELY INEFFECTIVE as a means of extracting information! A person under torture will say anything you want to hear just to make the pain stop. Likewise, Lisa, your children who are under torture (or the constant threat of it), both physical and psychological, will say or do anything you ask of them just to make it stop (or avoid it). And does that make you a good parent, Lisa? The fact that your children will obey like good little automatons, without question, does that mean you've succeeded at teaching them anything?

Well, yes, you certainly have taught them a lot. You've taught them how to be weak. You've taught them that in the face of unjust authority and insane expectations, they should roll over and take it. You've taught them how NOT to stand on their own two feet and take responsibility for themselves. You've taught them that mistakes are not tools from which we learn, but rather they are life-altering errors that will result in pain.

And I should add, good "Christian" lady, that you've also taught them much about God. No, not that he's a just and loving Father, but rather that he is a cruel and vindictive despot with no rationalle behind his actions. Well, at least you got one thing right.... You, bitch, are no Christian. You're the furthest thing from it and anyone who believes in your abusive crap is even less of a Christian than you are.

Listen to me, good Christian people who are reading this rant (yes, both of you)! THOU HAST BEEN DECIEVED! Jesus warned that many false prophets would come, preaching their message in his name! BEHOLD THE FALSE PROPHET OF CHILD REARING! She has been sent to you by Lucifer Satan himself to convince you to bring up children in his way! No, no, NO, don't raise children in the love and admonition of the Lord like the Bible says! In fact, don't teach them anything of love at all! You must obey Lisa! MAKE THOSE FUCKING BRATS SCREEEEEAM WHEN THEY DISOBEY YOU!

Seriously, Lisa Whelchel, you are a fucking evil cunt and I hope you die. In fact, I hope your kids poison you. I hope they shit in your fucking kool-aid, bitch! And to all of you who bought into her bullshit: FOR SHAME! How DARE you take this bitch's advice and treat your own kids like that! They are human beings - they are PEOPLE - not animals! Hell, doing most of this shit to your dog would get you arrested!

It's not like Lisa doesn't know that, though. She spends some time in her book explaining that the shit she's teaching is illegal and advising parents to do these things in private where Child Protective Services won't find out. She knows her actions are wrong. If they're not wrong, why hide them? Of course, I know, because if she didn't hide them then maybe people who AREN'T FUCKING STUPID, CRUEL, AND EVIL would take her kids from her!

I wish that'd happened a long time ago. It's one of life's great mysteries. How is it that this fucking enema bag can publish a manual on torturing children and hiding it from the cops, yet she's never been investigated by CPS? It can't be because she's a celebrity; cuz she's not. She's just some washed up retard from a shitty 80s sitcom. Seems like somebody shoulda taught Blair a few facts about life!

Well, I've asked this same question to the Texas Department of Family Services. Below is a copy of the e-mail I sent them:

I am writing to you today to complain about former-celebrity Lisa Welchel who currently resides in Flower Mound, TX. This woman has written several books on "child rearing" in which she advocates many illegal and abusive discipline techniques. She has also confessed in these books to numerous acts of child abuse against her own children ("hot saucing," handcuffing, starvation, clothespin to the tongue, and the list goes on). In her books, she also admits to being perfectly aware that these techniques are illegal and gives advice on how to avoid being caught when employing them!

Her children are now teenagers and yet, despite her very public confession that has been read by millions, it appears that she has never had so much as a single investigation leveled against her by your department!

So, if I come to Texas, can I stand in the street and yell out confessions of torturing my children? This seems to be a perfectly "wholesome" family activity in your state. At least, that's the only conclusion I can draw from the fact that this horrible woman is not rotting in a state prison at this moment and her children are still in her custody!

This is not so much a report of child abuse as a report of incompetance by your department. Is it typical to allow PUBLICLY CONFESSED child torturers to run around free, making money by teaching other idiot parents how to abuse their children behind the backs of law enforcement?

Wanna send your own complaint letter to them? Yes, I thought you might. Sadly, the contact form on their site is made of fucking fail (2000 character limit, my ass!). This is easily avoided by creating your own form to submit e-mails to them. Here's the source code:

<form action="https://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Contact_Us/Default.asp?" method="post" name="contact" id="contact"> <table width="100%" border="0"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="107" height="26" class="body-1"><div align="right"><span>Recipient<span class="required">*</span></span></div></td> <td class="body-1"> </td> <td><select name="reqRecipient" class="contact" id="reqRecipient"> <option value="">(Select One)</option> <option value="abuse">Report Abuse</option> <option value="CCL">All Questions About Day Cares and Child Care Licensing</option> <option value="FOSTER">Foster Care Policies and Standards</option> <option value="ADOPT">Adoption Policies and Standards</option> <option value="TARE">Question about children waiting for adoption</option> <option value="HOTLINES">Runaway and Youth Hotlines</option> <option value="CONSUMER">Inquiry or Complaint About Existing Case</option> <option value="WEBMASTER">Technical Questions</option> <option value="GENERAL">All Other Questions</option> </select></td> </tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="107" height="24" class="body-1"><div align="right">First name </div></td> <td class="body-1"> </td> <td height="24" class="body-1"> <input name="First_Name" type="text" class="formstyle" id="First_Name" size="30" maxlength="20"/></td> </tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="107" class="body-1"><div align="right">Last name </div></td> <td class="body-1"> </td> <td class="body-1"><input name="Last_Name" type="text" class="formstyle" id="Last_Name" size="30" maxlength="30"/></td> </tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="107" height="24"><div align="right"><span class="body-1">E-mail<span class="required">*</span></span></div></td> <td> </td> <td height="24"><input name="reqemailEmail_Address" type="text" class="formstyle" id="reqemailEmail_Address" size="43" maxlength="64"/></td> </tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="107" height="24"> <div align="right"><span class="body-1">E-mail (again)<span class="required">*</span></span></div></td> <td> </td> <td height="24"> <input name="reqemailEmail_Address2" type="text" class="formstyle" id="reqemailEmail_Address2" size="43" maxlength="64"/></td> </tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="107" height="24"><div align="right"><span class="body-1">Subject <span class="required">*</span> </span></div></td> <td> </td> <td height="24"> <input name="reqSubject" type="text" class="formstyle" id="reqSubject" size="43" maxlength="64" /> </td> </tr> </table> <span class="body-1">Message</span><span class="required">*</span>                                      <br /> <textarea name="reqMessage" cols="50" rows="10" wrap="PHYSICAL" id="reqMessage" class="formstyle"></textarea> <p><input name="msg_submit" type="submit" class="formstyle" value="Submit" />  <input name="msg_cc_me" type="checkbox" class="contact_checkbox" id="msg_cc_me" value="Y"/> <span class="body-1">Send me a copy of this message</span></p> <input type="hidden" name="msg_referrer1" value="" /> <input type="hidden" name="msg_remote_address" value="" /> <input type="hidden" name="msg_browser" value="" /> <input type="hidden" name="brokenlinkpage" value="" /> <input type="hidden" name="brokenlink" value="" /> <input type="hidden" name="submitcounter" value=1 /> </form>

Just paste that into a text file, save it, and rename the .txt file to .html and VIOLA! Your very own complaint form to CPS that allows you to enter as much text as you want AND allows you to choose "Report Abuse" as an option. The one on their site doesn't allow that; it makes you go to another site to do it where you have to fill out their bullshit forms. Fuck that, here's your abuse report, dickheads!

Now the only question that remains is whether I'll even get a response from Texas. Probably not. It's Texas, after all, the home of "good 'ol fashioned discipline." I doubt they'll give a shit that Lisa Failchel is abusing her kids. I doubt it's even considered abuse in that fucking backwards state. I am not without pity though. I shall help Texas and Lisa herself by providing a checklist! Here's some things to make you a better parent!

• Do NOT belittle your children
• Do NOT inflict pain on your children
• Do NOT humiliate your children
• Do NOT be fucking assholes!

In closing, I'd like to let Lisa know one thing. People with any deceny whatsoever want you to die. People who know how to act like fucking human beings don't treat their kids like this. You are not some great fucking messenger from God. You are Satan's very own consul. I'm sure the Dark Prince appreciates how well you spread his message. I hope it's worth it while you burn in Hell. If anyone ever deserved eternal torture in a lake of fire, it's you, bitch!

UPDATE: February 15, 2008

The following is the e-mail correspondance between myself and Texas DFPS, listed in chronological order.

Saturday, February 9, 2008 8:45 PM
(This is the initial e-mail sent by me)

I am writing to you today to complain about former-celebrity Lisa Welchel who currently resides in Flower Mound, TX. This woman has written several books on "child rearing" in which she advocates many illegal and abusive discipline techniques. She has also confessed in these books to numerous acts of child abuse against her own children ("hot saucing," handcuffing, starvation, clothespin to the tongue, and the list goes on). In her books, she also admits to being perfectly aware that these techniques are illegal and gives advice on how to avoid being caught when employing them! Her children are now teenagers and yet, despite her very public confession that has been read by millions, it appears that she has never had so much as a single investigation leveled against her by your department! So, if I come to Texas, can I stand in the street and yell out confessions of torturing my children? This seems to be a perfectly "wholesome" family activity in your state. At least, that's the only conclusion I can draw from the fact that this horrible woman is not rotting in a state prison at this moment and her children are still in her custody! This is not so much a report of child abuse as a report of incompetance by your department. Is it typical to allow PUBLICLY CONFESSED child torturers to run around free, making money by teaching other idiot parents how to abuse their children behind the backs of law enforcement?

Monday, February 11, 2008 10:29 (From them, to me)

Your concerns have been received by the Department of Family & Protective Services (DFPS) Office of Consumer Affairs (OCA). The OCA handles case-specific complaints relating to Child Protective Services, Adult Protective Services and Child Care Licensing. Since your email does not mention a current case that you are involved in and having problems with, our office will be unable to assist you.

Karen Monreal
Admin. Assistant
DFPS Office of Consumer Affairs

Monday, February 11, 2008 9:18 PM
(From me, to them)

So, to clarify, as long as she's not torturing ME personally, you couldn't really give less of a shit that I'm pointing out blatant and public admissions of not only child abuse, but serious human rights violations? That's pretty much the response I expected. Thanks for the confirmation And, for the record, this correspondance will be posted online. Just letting you know.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008 9:53AM
(From them, to me)

If you feel she is currently abusing and/or neglecting children, you will need to report it to the DFPS Abuse Hotline at 1-800-252-5400 so it can be investigated. Our agency cannot investigate abuse and/or neglect that occurred years ago to her children, as her children are now adults.

It's worth noting here that, according to Wikipedia, her children are teenagers and still under her care. They are not adults, as Karen Monreal states. Of course, Wikipedia could always be wrong. Just pointing that out.

It was later this same day that I recieved an e-mail from Karen's boss. Not liking the sound of your department's incompotence and negligence being advertised online, eh? Can't say that I blame you.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008 1:08PM
(From Karen's boss, to me)

Good afternoon,

Thank you for contacting the Office of Consumer Affairs for the Department of Family and Protective Services regarding Ms. Lisa Welchel. My administrative assistant forwarded me a copy of the email she sent to you regarding the concerns you expressed about Ms. Lisa Welchel. Would you be willing to call me at 1-800-720-7777 to discuss your concerns further? My staff will answer this toll line; therefore, please leave a message for me and I will return your call as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Jose Martinez
Manager, Office of Consumer Affairs
Department of Family and Protective Services

This e-mail is can be accurately translated to mean the following:

BEHOLD! I ARE TEH MANAGER! You have a big fucking mouth and got smart with my lowly peon, Karen, but I'm here now and I FUCKING DARE YOU TO SAY IT TO MY FACE, BITCH!

I responded thusly:

Tuesday, February 12, 2008 11:07PM
(My response to e-mail tough guy Karen's boss)

Mr. Martinez,

I fear you have misunderstood my position in this. I am not "reporting a crime." I see that as being completely unneccesary in this case, since the admission of crimes is public knowledge, having been read by millions. My concern in this matter is as a member of the online media. I am seeking answers as to why this matter has never been addressed by your department. Any conversation between us would not simply be a case of me addresing my concerns, but rather, it would be a situation where I am conducting an interview of you regarding this matter. Any such call would be recorded and rebroadcast via online medium.

I hope that my position in this is more clear now. I was only looking for a simple explanation from your department (which I feel I have obtained, to my satisfaction), but if you would still like to talk about this matter, I will be available Friday afternoon (your time) and would be happy to set up a specific appointment to conduct an interview. If not, then I thank you for your time and I'll simply have to go with what I currently have.

Behold the grace and subtle/humble manner with which I flipped the script on the big bad Manager. Suddenly, I'M the one dictating the terms. No way, Jose, I'm afraid we'll be having our conversation on my home field, not yours. Suck it.

You'll note that this last e-mail was sent late Tuesday night. It's now 1:22am on Friday the 15th and I have yet to recieve a reply. I'm kinda doubting I'll hear from him within the next 12 hours or so. I was looking forward to a nice phone call to put in this rant, but alas, the scary beaurocrat pussed out when called out. Nothing new there.

So the final lesson to be learned in all of this is simple. If you want to abuse your kids, move to Texas and publish a book about it. They'll only give a flying fuck if one of your kids reports the crime; it certainly won't matter if you confess it to millions of strangers all across the country. I guess the best option here is to publish a book about how you cut out your child's tongue so he couldn't call the authorities as a punishment for "back talking" you.

I think we see just how much the state of Texas really cares about children who are tortured, humiliated, degraded, neglected, and abused in probably every way imaginable.



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