Wizard's First Rule: People are stupid. They will believe a lie either because they want it to be true or because they're afraid it's true.
-Terry Goodkind
Lord Galen
Home  •  Classic Home  •   •  Forum  • 

Archive 2008:           2008 Archive Index           Main Archive Index

"Black Hole" Is Racist?
July 21, 2008

The following rant is based on this news story
Texas County Official Sees Race in Term 'Black Hole'
Friday, July 11, 2008

DALLAS What do "black hole," "angel food cake," and "devil's food cake" have in common?

They're all racist terms, says a Dallas County, Texas, official.

A county commissioners' meeting this week over traffic tickets turned into a tense discussion over race when one commissioner said the county's collections office was like a certain astronomical phenomenon.

"It sounds like Central Collections has become a black hole," Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said during the Monday meeting.

One black official demanded an apology, and Commissioner John Wiley Price, who also is black, said that type of language is unacceptable.

At the meeting, Mayfield said he intended his comments to be taken in the context of the scientific meaning, and became upset that he was being misunderstood.

In astronomy, the term black hole refers to a star that has collapsed upon itself, creating something so dense and small that it does not have any physical properties besides a gravitational force so great that even light cannot escape its pull.

Later, Price told MyFOXdfw.com that he believed it and other terms were racist.

"So if it's 'angel food cake,' it's white. If it's 'devil's food cake,' it's black. If you're the 'black sheep of the family,' then you gotta be bad, you know. 'White sheep,' you're okay. You know?" Price said.

Price said people should watch their words when it comes to stereotypes.

"I think people should always be careful. You know, I'm okay if I'm 'bartering' with you. ... But if I try to 'Jew you down,' Oooooh. Is that racist? I thought it meant the same thing? No, maybe it doesn't."

The world-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking might have a solution to the problem over perception of the astronomical term. He refers to the phenomenon as "a singularity."

Click here to see a video report from MyFOXdfw.com
[ Source ]

It's actually been nearly an hour since I first heard this story on the news. I waited this long to start writing about it because, well, it just took me that long to get over the initial shock. Hearing that some fucking moron (in Texas, what a surprise) is offended because a black hole is called a BLACK hole is like... Well, it's like... Imagine that I'm swimming in an ocean of pure stupidity and retardation (it's called the human race) and then, all of a sudden, a fucking super tidal wave (a tsunami, I daresay) of pure unbelievable moronic stupidity just pops up out of the ocean and slams into me at over 9000 miles an hour. It's like a Texas-sized asteroid of solid dumbassery slammed into the ocean of stupidity and threw up this massive wave.

I sat for nearly an hour trying to watch TV to take my mind off of it, but it just wouldn't leave. I was left in shock. I don't mean that in the figurative sense. My mouth was hanging wide open as I gasped and gaffawed with disbelief. "How," I asked myself, "could anyone be THAT FUCKING STUPID?!" I repeated to myself over and over "He got offended by 'black hole'.... He got offended by 'black hole'...." I couldn't believe it; I still can't! I heard a recording of that fateful meeting on the radio and everyone laughed at first when this fucking idiot said "A what hole?!" They all thought he was joking! Any reasonable person would've thought he was joking because the idea that anyone could seriously be offended by something like that is LAUGHABLE!

But now I'm partially over the shock. Not completely, no. No person with an IQ higher than 65 could ever completely recover from this shock. It's insurmountably stupid. But I'm as recovered from this stunning blow as I'm ever going to be, so I'd like to try my best to explain to Mr. Price just how fucking stupid he really is.

A "black hole" is an astronomical phenomenon that occurs when a star collapses in on itself. Despite the name, it's not actually a "hole." It's an astronomical body, like a planet, moon, star, asteroid, etc. It's called a hole because of the most notable aspect of its makeup; the fact that it has such intense gravity that it pulls anything in its path toward it. Any nearby object will literally fall toward the phenomenon and, upon impact, be crushed and compacted to become part of the mass that makes up the black hole. It's called a "hole" because of the way things "fall into" it and don't come out again.

However the more interesting part is the part that Mr. Price was so offended by. It's described as a "black" hole. Why is that, you ask? Well, the answer is quite simple:


Hey, imagine that! They call it black because it's color is BLACK! Holy shit, that's fucking incredible, right?! You see, dipshit, a black hole's gravity is SO intense that not even light can escape it. It therefore gives off no light at all. Close your eyes, what color do you see? Go into a windowless room at night with no lights and look around, what color do you see? The absense of light produces the color black! Technically, black is the absense of color altogether, but I'm already way over Mr. Price's head here, so let's not get into any more education that might scare that ignorant pile of shit further. Clearly being intelligent is a phobia of Mr. Price's.

So what have we learned today, kids? That's right, a black hole is called black because it IS BLACK. Let me demonstrate further.


The first picture is a black car. Am I racist for calling it a black car? NO, BECAUSE IT'S BLACK, YOU FUCKING DILDO-HEADED ASSHOLE!!! The second picture is a black horse. Is it racist for me to call the horse black when it is clearly black?! ONLY IF YOU'RE MENTALLY UNSTABLE, YOU COCKSUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!

And finally, the third picture, is a picture of a black asshole. Mr. Price, you are black and you are an asshole. Both of these facts are undisputed. Am I racist for calling you a black asshole? Of course not, because you are black (and obviously quite proud to be, so there shouldn't be any dispute there) and you are, very clearly, a gigantic fucking asshole!

The difference between me and you and, well honestly, the difference between any intelligent person and you, is that the first part of the description is inconsequential. It doesn't matter that you're black, that's just a superficial descriptor. It DOES matter that you're an asshole. Not just an asshole, but a STUPID asshole! It is apparent that, despite whatever credentials you may have, you did in fact flunk out of the 3rd grade and have had no further education since. If you HAD recieved even an elementary school level of scientific education, you would know what a fucking black hole is, why it's called a black hole, and why it has nothing to do with race, you goddamn IDIOT!

Oh, wait, lemme guess, it was a matter of context, right? Let's check out the remark IN context then, shall we?

"It sounds like Central Collections has become a black hole" -- Kenneth Mayfield

Oh gee, to me it sounds like Central Collections is taking in an assload of money that's never seen again. JUST LIKE A BLACK HOLE! Maybe instead of imagining racism every goddamn where you look, you should get off your fat fucking stupid ass and go investigate why Central Collections is collecting money? MAYBE that would be a good use of a Commissioner's time! And maybe a bad use of a Commissioner's time is bitching about a fucking "black hole" being racist, you stupid shit!

If Mr. Mayfield had "sounds like Central Collections is run by a bunch of niggers" (which is apparently what you - and you alone - heard) THEN you'd have a point, Mr. Price! THAT would be fucking racist and I'd be right there with ya calling for that little bitch's head on a platter! But that's NOT what he said, Mr. Price. He said that Central Collections are a bunch of stupid motherfuckers that the city keeps throwing money at and never seeing anything in return. It's a black hole, metaphorically speaking, because the relationship between that department and money is similiar to the relationship between a black hole and any nearby mass; shit goes in, but shit never comes out.

Mr. Price, I'd like to address your assertion that black holes are called "black" holes because it's a negative connotation. Again, they're called black because, uh, that's what fucking color they are, you low-brow piece of shit, but let's address the negativity aspect. Are you aware, Mr. Price, that there is a supermassive black hole at the center of every galaxy (including our own)? Black holes are, as a matter of fact, essential to the workings of the cosmos! Yes, they are dark and dangerous and destructive, but they are also the heart of what keeps our galaxy in motion. We orbit the sun, but guess what the sun orbits? That's right, it orbits the supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy. And like the sun, that black hole is dangerous and destructive, but also essential to life as we know it. A black hole is not a "bad thing" Mr. Price, it is the heart of our galaxy and every other galaxy. I daresay that without black holes, there would be no life on Earth. No Texan asshole to call a man racist for using a perfectly acceptable analogy.

In closing, I'd like to point out something that should be obvious to everyone-- oh wait, that's what I've been doing for this entire rant! Well, here's something a little less obvious for your consideration. Commissioner John Wiley Price is a fucking racist. Any man who sees race in shit like "devil's food cake" being black and "angel's food cake" being white is, very clearly, an unbelievable fucking racist. Mr. Price would like to see whitey in chains while he cracks the whip. Mr. Price sees evil in the white man everywhere he turns, so much so that he imagines racism in the most inane and meaningless bullshit.

For my part, I have only one prejudice; only one real bigotry. I've admitted to it many times and I'll admit to it again. I absolutely fucking HATE stupid people! I have zero tolerance for them and I have no intention of ever trying to tolerate them. The color of your skin is nothing but a meaningless physical characteristic, no different than eye color, hair color, or whether you have nice abs. The content of your mind, on the other hand, has all the meaning in the world. Whether you're an intelligent human being, or a fucking low-life stupid prick, determines whether you're a viable contribution to society or a waste of space and oxygen. Mr. Price is the latter and of no use to anyone, except to further the cause of idiocy in strangling the world to death.

Archive 2008:           2008 Archive Index           Main Archive Index