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Shut the Fuck Up About Your Small Penis
By: Raukki  |  February 4, 2008

As a female, there is nothing that pisses me off more than when a guy starts whining about how small his penis is. I'm sure you've heard it all: "Ohh, my ding-dong is only 5.5 inches long; no girl is ever going to want to sleep with me!" or "I need another 2 inches in order to please her!" or "r their ne waiz to enlArgE my pen0r??//!?"

Guess what? Shut the fuck up before I chop it off and shove it down your throat for being such a whiny little bitch.

First off, you'd be hard pressed to find any woman who'd be able to look at your dick and tell you exactly how big it is, unless she held a ruler up to it. The closest she'd get is within a few inches (IE if it's a microdick, average, or a third leg). Unless you're dating a total bucketcunt, the length of your will not change the amount of pleasure she can get from it. As long your package is at least three inches long, congratulations! You can hit her g-spot just fine.

If you have a huge dick, there are also a bunch of drawbacks. First, you're likely to hit her cervix a lot, which definately hurts. With that being said, you'll also have to be much more gentle and boring, just to avoid hurting her. With too much length also comes less of it actually making it into her, and therefore, your pubic bone is much less likely to be able to give her any clit stimulation. Hint: that means LESS pleasure for her. Also, there's a good chance that you'll have trouble getting it in, especially if she's relatively tight. My idea of a fun time is not spending two hours and four bottles of lube trying to get it in.

When guys complain about the size of their dicks, they're pretty much shooting themselves in the foot. When you get a bunch of guys bitching and moaning about how they wish their dicks were longer, you make women believe that in order to get any pleasure at all, the guy must have a gigantic dick. If guys would just shut the fuck up about dick size, women wouldn't be influenced by their insecurities. Also, if you think you're not going to be able to please her with what you have, you're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you're going to suck in bed, I can assure you that you will. Insecurity is NOT attractive in the slightest.

Ever hear a woman bitching and moaning about how she thinks she's so fat, and it turns out that she's an anorexic twig? Yeah, guys do the exact same thing, but with their penises instead. NEWSFLASH: NOBODY GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR PENIS INSECURITIES. If you're complaining, you're most likely of average size. No girl is even going to give it a second thought, unless she's a really big bitch. If she's fucking you, she's fine with your dick. Live with it.

Another thing that is fucking stupid is when guys expect a girl to automatically want to fuck them as long as they have a large dick. Of course, the guys that do this are almost always ugly or annoying as fuck, therefore completely eliminating the possibility of me wanting to have sex with them. The whole point is that the guy himself needs to be bangable first before I even consider how large his dick might possibly be. If you're fat and ugly but are packing a 10" monstrosity, your cock size isn't going to make me change my mind about staying the fuck away from your groin.

In short: if you're insecure about the size of your penis, shut the fuck up. Nobody gives a shit about how long it is (or isn't), and most people would probably rather drown in a tub of HIV-infected semen than listen to you whine about it.

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