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Performance Enhancing Substances And Sports
By: Julian E. Gutierrez  |  January 20, 2008


Recently, an uproar arose when George Mitchell issued a report about baseball players who were using performance enhancing substances such as anabolic steroids and human growth hormone. Thickheaded pundits opened their mouths so much that a whole swarm of flies could have lived in them, and bitchy soccer moms simply wouldn't stop their whining.

This is nothing new, of course. All the special interest groups like to crow about how steroid use must be stopped at all costs. Every idiot who thinks he knows anything about sports likes to condemn Barry Bonds or Roger Clemens. These dumb asses utter every kind of stupidity. I wish these losers would shut their mouths. Why? Because I think the use of steroids should be permitted in sports leagues. "But that's crazy," protest the morons who think they know something. I don't think so.

Why not? "Because it's cheating!" they say. Newsflash, moron! It wouldn't be "cheating" if the rules were changed. Some things that might be considered cheating today would be allowed in the old days, and some things that were considered cheating then are allowed now. Do these lunkheads not get it?! They wouldn't give an "unfair advantage" if everyone was allowed to use them! So shut up, you stupid piece of shit! And why the fuck would you not want athletes to be "enhanced?!" It makes sports better, you fucking idiot!

"But it's dangerous!" they scream. Are you a complete idiot?! Sports are dangerous, you stupid imbecile! Throwing a 90 MPH ball at someone is dangerous! Tackling someone is dangerous! Running nonstop around a track in the heat is dangerous! Why don't you pull your head out of your ass and grow a fucking brain?!

"Performance-enhancing substances just shouldn't be used!" they whine. Oh, nice. Throw a dogmatic, nonsensical restriction out there for no good reason. All right, fine. What, will it "corrupt the true sport?" You're such a goddamn moron. Should we ban Gatorade then?! It's a "performance enhancing substance," isn't it?! How about water? Weightlifting? Training? All exercise? All those things "enhance your performance!" What now, fucking idiot?!

And my personal favorite. "BUT THE CHILDREN!!!!!" Ahem. SHUT THE FUCK UP! Most of the people you refer to aren't even fucking children! Middle and high school students are not fucking children, you idiot! MOST OF THEM ARE FUCKING BIOLOGICAL ADULTS! People make their own damn choices. This is America, goddamn it! This isn't fucking Nazi Germany! Give people the damn liberty that they deserve in this "free country." People of all ages can be influenced by athletes, not just children. (If they even are children). People have the right to choose what goes into their own fucking body! So get off your goddamn high horse, and mind your own damn business.


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