What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
-Christopher Hitchens
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Why God?
October 1, 2007


First off, before I really get into this rant, I need to make it clear that this rant assumes the existance of God. I don't need your e-mails or comments about how God is a fairy tale man. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but this rant is philosophically assuming that God is a real living being, creater of the universe, etc. The particular angle I'm approaching the God subject from this evening kinda depends on the assumption of him as real. This rant just wouldn't work if I have to spend the whole fucking thing going "So, if we assume God is real..." which is why we're assuming that from the start. Got it? Good.

Now on with the show!

Notice the title of this rant. Note especially that between the two words there is no comma. You see, I'm not asking the Almighty a question with this rant. No, no... I am, in fact, questioning the Almighty himself. Not just questioning him, but rather questioning the position he holds.

Most people who "question God" are questioning if he's real or not. Not me. I'm just gonna assume he's real and, with him being real, ask him just who the fuck he thinks he is! What I see here sitting in front of me is a thick book called the Bible. It's God's big ass rule book, telling us all how to live our lives, take care of ourselves, raise our kids, etc. And if we should fail to follow the rule book? Then there's an eternity of torment and suffering waiting for us. All because we didn't follow God's rules, especially the rules about obeying him without question, loving him, worshipping him, etc, etc, ad infinitum.

Gee, somebody sure has an awfully big sense of entitlement! My big question of the day is, just who the fuck died and made him God?! Seriously, what exactly grants the all-knowing and all-powerful being known as God the unquestionable inherent right to rule over us all? What gives him the right to tell us how to live? What gives him the right to punish us with an eternity of brutal torture for disobeying him?!

God, sir, if I may ask: Just who the fuck elected you? Comparing God's rule to governments, it's an authoritarian dictatorship of incomprehensible scale. Frankly, the entity known as Jehovah makes Adolf Hitler look like a fucking fluffy little kitten! He demands our obedience, he demands our love, he demands our absolute unquestioned faith in him, he demands that no one else come before him in our lives, he demands that we set our own wishes aside to follow his, all while constantly reminding us that we're imperfect, prone to evil, and must overcome this in his name OR ELSE we burn forever! And just what the fucking hell gives him the right to demand ANYTHING of us? He created us? He sacrificed his son to save our souls? Let's tackle each of those, shall we?

Since he created us, then that makes him more like a parent rather than a governmental authority. That makes sense, after all, since we don't get to choose our parents (though we can divorce them when they've clearly abused us). Christianity itself refers to God as "Our Father." So maybe it's entirely inaccurate of me to question God's authority over us when he hasn't been chosen by we the people to rule over us. Alright, then we'll go with the parental analogy. Parents serve a very distinct and specific role. The job of a parent is to prepare their offspring for adult life outside of the protections (and restrictions) of the parents' home. A parent is not there to impose his/her will upon the children just for the sheer sake of doing it or merely because the parent is responsible for giving life to the child. Now, just what is God preparing us for with his giant rule book? Oh yeah, that's right, he's preparing us to spend all of fucking eternity falling at his feet telling him what a fucking great guy he is.

Oh yes, if we play by the rules down here, we get to enjoy time-neverending telling God how awesome he is. We'll never get tired of this, of course. In Heaven everyone is happy. This is another way of saying that we'll all be so doped up on God's awesomeness that we'd never consider questioning him or doing anything other than kissing his ass. Hmmm... Sounds to me like going to Heaven is the process of giving up the ability to think for yourself. But maybe that IS what his most faithful and devout followers really want; an eternity with no worries, no cares, no thoughts of any kind, except what a fuckin' badass stud God is. They say "ignorance is bliss." I suspect God started that saying. Ignorance is not bliss. Blissful ignorance is the state of being happy because you don't fucking KNOW BETTER! Being blissfully happy for all eternity in Heaven is the state of being happy because you don't know a goddamn thing, other than the fact that God knows everything, controls everything, does everything, and allows you not one drop of freedom. If God really loves his "children" then why isn't he doing what every other parent does? Why isn't he preparing us for indepandant life in the universe without him? Most normal parents want their children to succeed. Not only succeed, but to be more successful than them! Why does God not wish for us to surpass his greatness? Why should we not be allowed to evolve beyond him, become gods ourselves and create our own fucking universes? These are the things that a GOOD omnipotent parent would want for his children. A good parent wouldn't set up a situation in which his children must be dependant on him for all time.

Ah, but let's not forget the second question I raised above. God sacrificed his son to save our souls. Doesn't that entitle him to rule over us with an iron fist while calling it "love?" Well, ask yourself this: Just what did Jesus save us from? Satan? Eternal damnation? Yes, both, however it's much easier to simply say that God was saving us from the situation he created in the first place! God created a situation in which man needed to be saved, then he swoops in as Jesus playing the fucking hero, saves us all from the rules HE WROTE and demands that we love him for it!

How sick and twisted can ya get?! This is like letting your children starve almost to the point of death, then right as they're about to pass out, you show up with McDonald's and think you saved their lives by doing it! Technically, yes, you saved your kids, but they wouldn't have fucking needed to be saved in the first place if YOU hadn't created the bad situation! Nothing happens in the universe that is beyond God's control, right? God wrote the rules. So if the rules say that his son had to be nailed to a cross in order to save us all, then that's HIS FAULT! Christ's "sacrifice?" WHAT THE FUCK?! Christ didn't NEED to BE sacrificed, except for the fact that God said so!

And what about big bad evil Satan that we're supposed to be saved from because of Christ's sacrifice? Seems to me that his only crime was that he said "Dude, you're a fuck up!" to the Almighty! Perhaps he saw what I see. That God is not a great benevolent being. Oh yes, he says he is. All conquerors say they're doing it for the good of the conquered! In reality, God is a dispicable despot, ruling over us all without mercy or compassion (except for Jesus' "sacrifice" right?). He tells us how to live, what to eat, what to wear, where to go, who to hang out with, how to speak, what to read, what the think, what to watch on TV and the brainwashed masses respond with "Wow, isn't God wonderful?" NO! He's a fucking maniac, that's what he is!

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I suspect that maybe Satan started that little saying, just before he got kicked the fuck out of Heaven. I also suspect that he was trying to warn us, because nowhere is this euphimism more true than in the case of the most absolutely powerful being in all of existance.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, then just imagine how corrupt it must make him, being far above anything else that exists, having no equal, no checks & balances, nothing. Of the beings that do interact with him, who the fuck is gonna tell him he's wrong? What, and get kicked out like Satan? Nobody's gonna be like "Uh, God... maybe you're going a little far there" cuz then he'll be all like "STFU N00B! I'M GOD, YOU CAN'T TELL ME SHIT, BITCH!"

For all of our sakes, I hope the Atheists are right and there is no God. Because if they're wrong and God exists as the Christians make him out to be.... Holy shit, we're fucked.


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