The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
-Bertrand Russell
Lord Galen
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You're Not Fat, Just Dumb
June 26, 2007

Every man on earth can relate to the shit I'm about to bitch about now. Fucking women and the damn stupid shit they do and say! Listen up bitches, pay close attention here cuz you might actually learn something about yourself.

Every man in the world has had this experience. You sit down with your perfectly beautiful skinny girlfriend and she orders a salad or something because she's "on a diet." You ask her why the fuck she's on a diet and she lifts up her shirt a little, pinches a centimeter of fat between her fingers and says "can't you see that? I'M FAT!" No, you stupid little tramp, you have fat and guess what? You fucking NEED fat to LIVE you stupid little cunt! And all the while dumb bitches the world over are pulling shit like this the feminists will go on and on and on about how a fucking Barbie doll or a super model gives little girls the wrong impression of how a woman should be, so then they all grow up and have issues with their bodies. And while these same feminists are attacking men for making Barbies and jacking off to pics of Playboy models, they neglect the real cause of a girl's body issues: Chicks themselves! Maybe if little Stacy didn't hear mommy and her big sister talk about how "fat" they are all the damn time even though they have perfectly nice bodies, then perhaps Stacy wouldn't grow up to be one of those dumbasses who pukes after every meal! You femi-whores wanna blame men and society for a girl's negative body image? Fuck you, blame yourself, bitch! When you stop calling yourselves "fat" every damn time you can pinch a fingerfull of that 0.0001% body fat of yours, then maybe little girls will stop believing that they have to be perfect!

WAAAAAH! My breasts are too small, I need implants! My tummy as a 2 degree curve, I need lyposuction! My lips are thin, I need callogen!

Why don't you fucking bitches try just being yourselves? No man wants a plastic woman! Well, yes, men WANT (sexually) plastic women, but there aren't too many who're gonna take Barbie the Bimbo home to meet mom or walk her down the isle, you stupid cunt!

How can you women sit there and say in one breath "I'm not a piece of meat, I'm a person" but then in the next breath you complain about your body and want to do something stupid to get it "fixed?" If you're not a piece of meat, then why are you treating yourself like one?! Lemme tell ya something, you fucking whore. Men are going to treat you the way you treat yourself. If you treat yourself like a stupid bimbo, then that's what you are, no matter what the fuck you SAY.

"No Galen, we just want to look good." YOU DO! Ninety-five percent of the women I hear bitching about the way they look have NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM!

And so what if you do have a thing or two wrong? So fucking WHAT?! Why do you feel that you have to be so fucking perfect? Don't gimme that shit about guys desiring "perfect" women. Bullshit. Guys like to look at and jack-off to "perfect" (read: "airbrushed") women. Guys don't fall in love with and marry the "perfect" bitch. A real meaningful relationship is gonna have WAY more to it than what you fucking look like, how big your breasts are, what your waist size is, etc. NOBODY FUCKING CARES!

Now, don't get me wrong. You've gotta fucking take care of yourself. I'm not saying you should just gain 300 pounds, look like shit, and just say "fuck you, Galen says it doesn't matter how I look." NO, BITCH! I'm not saying that it doesn't matter at all how you look! I'm saying that it shouldn't be such an all-consuming thing in your fucking life. If you've got a little baby fat, so fucking what? If your tits are a little small, who gives a shit? If your fucking measurments aren't 36-24-36, NOBODY GIVES A RAT'S ASS!

Things have gotten so bad with you dumb bitches because you can't ever seem to see yourselves the way you really are and you can't trust your boyfriend or husband to tell you the fucking truth because if you're fat and he tells you that, you snap his fucking dick off! If you're fat, then you're fat. That's all there is to it. Reality doesn't change depending on who says it. If it's ok for YOU to say you're fat, then it's ok for your boyfriend to fucking say it! It's either true or it isn't; pick one.

Now, sure, if you're a model or fitness trainer or yoga instructor or something like that, then I can understand being obsessed with the way you look. It's your job to look "perfect." But even then, you bitches carry this shit way too far. It's a good thing you've got Lord Galen here to teach your dumb ass how to be healthy.

Step 1: A well balanced diet. Well balanced doesn't mean to never consume fat or "avoid carbs" or become a retarded fuckin' vegan. It also doesn't mean you should starve yourself! It means you should be eating a little lean meat (baked or boiled, not fried), some vegetables, some form of starch (potates, rice, etc), some type of bread, and some fruits. Avoid sweets or anything else with a lot of sugar. And drink plenty of water (not soda, not tea, not coffee: WATER).

Step 2: Exersize regularly! You don't have to spend hours at a fucking gym to get regular exercize! Take your fuckin' dog for a walk every day, or even better, you can do what I do and put the leash on your wrist and hop on a bike. Join a sports team! They do have adult sports leagues, y'know! A church softball team is a good example.

Unless you have a fucking glandular problem (in which case, you need to see a doctor), then this amazing 2-step program (which doctors have recommended for centuries, you twat) will keep you in shape. Get off your fucking fat ass, stop watching Oprah, and go take a walk, idiot!

Or, if you don't want to follow the 2-step program, you can just SHUT THE FUCK UP! You either wanna be healthy and you'll do something about it or you don't give a shit and should stop whining because none of us give a goddamn.

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