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Ageist Fallacies
January 1, 2007

Reading through some threads on the NYRA forum, I've noticed a profound misunderstanding of some topics that I THOUGHT were pretty simple. It would seem that even people within the Youth Rights movement don't seem to fucking GET the basics. So, here I am, feeling like I'm fucking repeating myself, but doing it nevertheless, to explain a few basic things.

» Bullshit Fallacy #1:

Person A: I think the voting age should be completely abolished.
Person B: That's stupid! I don't want a 5 year old deciding who runs the country!

In this example, Person B is a complete dumbass. For one, it would take a massive amount of prepubescent children to come out and vote for anyone to actually be able to say that little kids and little kids alone decided who's running the country. Having the right to vote does not mean that you give a shit about voting and actually WILL. How many 5yo kids, if given the right, would actually vote? Some, sure, but not all that many, in my opinion. The fight, you tool, is that nobody should be denied the right to vote because of their age, period. We're not out there saying that it should be mandatory for all little kids to go vote. Actually, NYRA isn't saying shit about young kids. Their only immediate goal is to lower the voting age to 16 (which nobody with even a percentage of a functioning brain could possibly disagree with, so if you find yourself disagreeing with that, then HEY ASSHOLE, YOUR BRAIN DOESN'T WORK). Many YR activists *are* in favor of completely getting rid of the voting age altogether and for those of us who are in favor of this, I'd like to say that the rest of you should stop bringing bullshit arguments like this. No one single age bracket is, all by themselves, deciding shit when the polls open. Give up that stupid argument, you make yourself look like an ape tossing shit out of his cage.

» Bullshit Fallacy #2:

Person A: I think the drinking age should be completely abolished.
Person B: That's stupid! A 5 year old has no business getting drunk!

In this example, we see our idiot once again retreating to the classic fallacy anti-YR argument of "A 5 year old shouldn't...." How 'bout not taking shit to extremes, dickhead. Even better, how 'bout using your fucking BRAIN! How many five year olds will give a shit about trying alchohol? If they do try it, how many will like it? Of the ones that do like it, how many will continue to like it after 3 swigs of Bud Light makes them feel like blowing chunks? Once all that's been passed, you've got like a 1 in a million shot of any random 5yo becoming an AA member, you dork. And this is all assuming that the parents actually allow their 5yo to drink to such an excess! I advocate removing GOVERNMENT restrictions regarding alchohol, because a consumer's age is none of the government's fucking business. C'mon, use your brain. Without a drinking age, it will then become a parent's responsibility to either restrict alchohol, allow it, or (if they're not functionally retarded) actually take the time and bother teaching their kids about alchohol and how to drink responsibly. It's a parent's job to teach their kids how to drink responsibly, it's NOT the government's job to say "here, let us set rules for your children." Fuck that.

» Bullshit Fallacy #3:

Person A: I think the age for holding public office should be abolished.
Person B: Hell no! I don't want some 5yo running the country!

No, I'm not exaggerating, it's ALWAYS "I don't want some 5yo [doing X thing]." Again, use your brain, you slack-jawed idiot. If a 5yo runs for President, how many people will vote for him? Even if every 5yo voted for him, he still wouldn't win. Unless a 5yo is some sort of super political genius, it's unlikely that they will have the qualifications to win an election. If the kid did win, then, well, we've got a super political prodigy sitting in office and that's a total win for the people! But I doubt that any 5yo could effectively take office. We haven't even had a black or female president yet! One fucking prejudice at a time, bitch, damn!

» Bullshit Fallacy #4:

Person A: I think the age for smoking should be abolished.
Person B: Hell no! I don't want some 5yo smoking!

» Bullshit Fallacy #5:

Person A: I think the age for driving should be abolished.
Person B: Hell no! I don't want some 5yo driving a fucking car!

» Bullshit Fallacy #6:

Person A: I think the age of consent should be abolished.
Person B: Hell no! I don't want some 5yo having sex!

Etc, etc, etc, ad infinitum, ad nauseum, ad fucking stupidum.

Are we noticing a pattern here, boys and girls? In case you haven't figured it out from my little examples (and obviously you're not that smart, or I wouldn't need to write this rant in the first place) then here's your explanation.

You uber moron, abolishing age-related laws will NOT lead to some vast revolution of 5 year olds! There's something in the mentality of some people that makes you jump to fucking extremes. A 5yo won't smoke/drink/fuck/etc. of their own free will because they either won't care to, won't know how to, or their parents will intervene for their safety. I work with little children and I can tell you that they don't fucking CARE about doing any of that shit! Give them the right to vote tomorrow and they won't go to the polls! Tell them they can drink, they might give it a try and go "that tastes like shit!" Tell them they can smoke and it'll last the whole 2 seconds that it takes for them to cough like hell. Completely remove the age of consent and tell them they can have sex, then watch as they go "EWWWWWW, GROSS!!!!" and run away screaming. Tell them they can drive a car and then watch bemusedly as they horribly fail the driving test.

Sure, maybe 1 out of every 50 million 5 year olds will actually choose of their own free will to vote, drink, smoke, fuck, etc. and maybe 1 out of a billion will pass the driving test. I hardly think we're looking at an epidemic there. In fact, if I knew a 5yo who was into any of those things, I think I would prefer to know that it was of their own choosing rather than wondering if it's the influence of adults abusing them. The only way to ever know that, though, is to place the power to make those choices in THEIR hands, not in the hands of adults!

The fallacy in your argument is that you take the far extreme worst case scenario and then argue it as though it would be the typical run-of-the-mill outcome. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY, SHITHEAD!

Now pay attention to this part especially. Let me make it clear to you fallacious debaters that, currently, the organized Youth Rights movement is NOT (not not not NOT!!!) fighting for the rights of preteen children. Many of us (myself included), DO support the total abolishment of all age laws, however we also recognize that the world will have to change before such a thing is possible and that start of those changes is in eliminating ageism against teens. This entire rant is basically POINTLESS because NOBODY is ACTIVELY fighting for any fucking five year old children to be able to vote, drink, smoke, etc. NO ONE IS DOING THAT, SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BRINGING IT UP, ASSHAT?!

One day, a long time from now, I'm sure that NYRA and other groups will indeed be fighting for the total abolishment of all age-based laws. That day is not today nor any day soon. That day will require some MAJOR changes to the way our society thinks of young people. We can't even CONSIDER such a thing as a possibility until we have a society where judging someone based solely on their age is frowned upon. The point of this rant (are you paying attention, here it comes) was NOT to argue for five year old children to be able to do X thing. The point WAS that you should stop being a goddamn FUCKING IDIOT by using the "I don't want 5 year olds to [do X thing]" fallacy! THEY WON'T BE, YOU TOOL, NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!!!

=== Disclaimer ===

Because I even casually mentioned the Age of Consent in regards to five year olds, it's neccesary to have a disclaimer. Don't send me your stupid e-mails. The thought of a 5yo being felt up by some fat, hairy, 60yo pervert is just as absolutely gut-wrenchingly disgusting to me as it is to you. Nobody has even the slightest fucking CLUE how an intergenerational relationship would work in a world where adults and young people are considered equals. There's no way to make any statement about such a thing because we have no experience, as a society, on which to base such a statement. Personally, I doubt that anyone reading this will even be alive to see it if such a thing ever does come about, so I wouldn't get yourself all worked up over it. In fact, I can state with absolute 100% certainty that no one living today will ever see a world where it is acceptable for adults and children to be "together" in the physical sense. That's probably best, for all of our sanity and it's certainly best for the health of any adult who tried to seduce my own chlidren, as I do not think that such an adult would appreciate having his genitals removed by way of a butterknife in my hands. Again, no stupid e-mails, I'm not "endorsing child abuse" in any way, shape, or form, and if you somehow think that I am, then you fall into the category of someone who does not possess higher brain functions. Thank you, that is all.

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