America has never let an absence of any real threat ruin a good panic.
-Danny Harkins,
Lord Galen
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Abolish Money
May 21, 2007

While I often title my rants with some small bit of cleverness, this one isn't titled like that. I mean it. Abolish money. Get rid of it all. No more money at all; anywhere.

At first, people think I'm fucking crazy when I suggest that this is the way to solve all of our economic problems. Hell, maybe I am. Economics really isn't my thing (it bores the shit out of me), but maybe that's because it's so fucking complicated. What we need to do, in my divine opinion, is to make it simple again.

The first question is "Without money, how would people get the things they need?" Duh. They'd walk into the store and fucking take it! Whatever you need, whatever you want, just fucking take it!

That brings up the next big (and very obvious) problem: "If everybody can just have everything they want, then nobody will work and nothing will get done!" Ah, but that's where the legal system comes in. We need to pass a law that EVERYONE must have a job or be in school. Everyone! Disabled? Well roll your ass down the street wearing a sign for somebody's business! Got no skills? Bullshit, of course you do! Since nobody has to pay you anything, I'm sure any business would love to have somebody come in to sweep the floor, wash the dishes, take out the trash, or whatever! No matter what you do, you MUST be employed and being employed will be really fucking easy when your employer doesn't have to worry about paying you! When a business doesn't need any more staff it's because they don't have the budget for more staff.

As for "nothing will get done" of course it will! Hell, MORE will get done! You always wanted to be an electrician, but you're sleeping under a bridge? So what! College is free, btich! Go get a degree and go to work! Can't afford medical school? Now you can! Tired of power outages? Go to a fucking free university and become an electrical engineer, then you can work for the power company and take care of that shit yourself!

Anybody who thinks this is a crazy idea hasn't thought it through all the way. Welfare reform? Fuck welfare! Nobody needs to be on welfare when you can just pick out a house, a car, some toys for your kids, and all the food you need. All you gotta do to get in on the "everything's free" club is have verifiable employment!

And talk about jobs! Jesus fucking Christ, getting rid of money would spawn a TON of new jobs! A gas station owner wouldn't pay to have a doorman, but the ex-homeless guy down the street can go grab a suit and stand there all fucking day long if he wants to. I've always wanted to open my own restaurant or club. Can't afford to do it, though. Under this system, I could pick out the building I want, hire the laborers, get all the furniture, entertainment, equipment, etc. that I need for NOTHING! Anybody wants to work for me, they're fucking hired! I have a job (running a night club) and now 100 people who weren't doing a fucking have a job as well!

The lower/middle/upper class divide would vanish. All the middle class and poor people are gonna want big fancy houses too. Somebody's gotta build all those nice new houses. There's a big boom in the employment rate for carpenters, real estate agents, inspectors, electricians, plumbers, etc. All the ex-poor people are gonna want some private jets to go visit their family and friends. Those jets don't build themselves, nor does the oil pump itself outta the ground! People are gonna want maids, gardeners, drivers, nannies, etc. All new jobs! Millions of people will become employers themselves, where they didn't have the means to do so before!

See, it really is all about "Supply and Demand." If money is abolished, demand for nearly everything would skyrocket. As the demand goes up, there would be a near frantic need to increase supply to keep up with the ever-rising demand. In order to increase supplies, every industry would have to drastically increase their workforce, which is not a problem since it costs nothing to do so! There are MILLIONS of unemployed people out there! If it costs you nothing to train them and nothing to hire them, they can all be employed, given their little "get it all free club" membership card, and live the good life with the rest of us!

Hell, a whole new division of the government would have to be opened to regulate all this shit. Ya gotta be able to prove you have a job and then they can give you this credit card that gets you everything you want. Quit your job or get fired, the credit card doesn't work anymore. You just try staying home and being lazy cuz you get it all for free and see how long you keep a fucking job in THIS economy, bitch!

And what about those lazy fucknuts? There's always people who'd RATHER sit on their ass doing not a damn thing and get welfare forever. Fuck 'em. When the system's this easy, you can get a job or your ass can STARVE! No more being a lazy no-good cocksucker for you, assmonkey!

Let me be clear that what I'm espousing here is not "communism." No. Communism is a nice idea, but it fails miserably when put into practice because human nature is not conducive to the idea. This economy is not an assurance that you'll get everything your neighbor has. Maybe Wal-Mart runs out of 90 inch plasma TVs so you can't get one. Unlike in a communist system, the government isn't going to step in and take away your neighbor's TV just because you didn't get one too. You'll get one later, stop crying about it asshole. Granted, there will be the communist aspect that a man who licks stamps for a living can have all the same shit as a guy who busts his ass loading concrete blocks. But so what? It's time for people to get over the idea that they're entitled to "more" for doing a job that needs to be done. The job won't do itself and if you don't do it, your ass won't get anything.

"But Galen, wouldn't everybody just take easy jobs then?" Meh, they might try it. I can see that happening for a few weeks. But once the power goes out, the people at the power plant will take their ass back to work or they'll get replaced by all the people who want their fucking power back on! Once the water stops working, the people from City Works will go back to their jobs or they'll be replaced. Once the trash piles up, garbage men will go back to work. After all, supply can't meet demand if there's nobody boosting the supply. Most people will learn that very quickly if they don't know it already.

Think, people. Seriously think about how much better the world would be without money. Married couples wouldn't have to fight about finances anymore. Wrecking your car won't be a big deal, because you can just go get another one! You won't have to kick the guys ass cuz he ruined your Trans Am and assuming you aren't injured, you'll have no worries. No insurance rates to skyrocket cuz it's free! No more ugly people, plastic surgery is free! No more sick people, health care is free. No more diseases (eventually) because nobody needs funding for medical research.

Of course, greed would be a big factor at first. It would be neccesary to put some type of upper limit on how much people can have. There are stupid motherfuckers out there who'll have 500 cars just because they want to and that's nuts. Nobody needs that many cars unless you intend to rent (loan out) or sell (give away) cars.

Now, opponents of this idea will say "Galen, this is bullshit. Everybody will be spoiled and have no appreciation for the things they have!" Nonsense! The basic principle is still the same: If you don't work to earn things, you get nothing! In fact, this will PREVENT people from being spoiled! How many trust-fund kids are there in the world today? Talk about spoiled little fucks! Under a non-monetary system, their trust fund is worthless and they too will have to get off their asses and work for the things they want.

Anybody in the U.S. government wanna win the "war on drugs?" How will the drug industry survive without money? Nobody's gonna work in a field somewhere in Columbia cuz that's not legal employment, they can't get a card, so no free shit for them! Wanna end prostitution? There's no sex for money if there's no money! No woman would ever NEED to sell herself! In fact, the entire black market would COLLAPSE without money! No type of illegal employment would survive!

The only caveat is that the whole world would have to do this at once. Any single country trying to go it alone would be cut off from trade and most other relations with other countries and its citizens would be unable to travel to other countries (even with a free flight). But hell, that's the only problem. Let's give it a shot. Everybody, the whole damn world, let's try this shit. If I'm wrong and it fails miserably, we can always go back to THIS shitty way of doing things instead.

What have we got to lose? Poverty, starvation, death, and disease. That's what we'll lose.

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