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The Principle Of Yum:
A Short Treatise On Why Your Opinions Are Not Right
By: Bacon Playdough  |  June 6, 2007

Read the title.

What you believe is wholly irrelevant.

Everything you think you like and believe boils down to 1....simple....Scientific Principle.

The Principle of Yum.

Now, many of you twats don't actually know what the Principle of Yum is, because you obviously didn't pay attention in school, or you're some kind of retard who lives in Michigan. I hate that state.

Basically, for those of you who live in the dark, truthless void inhabited by those who have no idea what I'm talking about, the Priniciple of Yum is as follows"

"Ruffles have Ridges, and Ruffles are yummy in my tummy".

Simple, really.

But you are no doubt utterly confused by this completely true absurdist law of human nature. Honestly...ruffles? WTF? OMGZOZRS this rant are suck!

Oh you silly, silly people. Connect the dots my friend. The end result is magnificent.

You see, you base your opinions off of "facts" or sometimes just gut feelings....perhaps about former enemies of your father. You either randomly come up with them, or you read about them in books, or someone persuades you. Obviously, there is some basis for formation or formation would never had occurred. But what causes you to take the position that you do end up taking-whether its on Abortion, Ungodly Fag Partnerships, or just whether your shoes are comfortable or not-is ultimately what you like the most at mental snack time. What is most "yummy in your tummy".

Take abortion for example. There are numerous compelling arguments for pro-life, pro-choice, pro-who gives a crap etc etc. What you ultimately choose to hold as your creed is what resonates most with you, what compels you the most......what tastes the best on your cerebral taste buds. Maybe "Save the Innocent" satiates your hunger, or maybe you like a big 'ole bag of "Reproductive Rights" when you get that craving for answers. I hear they come in Baked Cheddar now. God, that sounds delicious.

Or take God for an example. Atheists, Jews, Pagans.............their all not right. Its impossible for them to be right, because their individual opinions all vary according to their tastes, and their general consensuses are too general.......too bland. Maybe God doesn't exist, but the soul does. Maybe their is a God, except its a transsexual with 27 nostrils and one eye. No one knows, you believe what you have been taught or what you have CHOSEN to believe.

Free Will is such an ugly, ugly thing. It allows us to take facts, true, verified, unquestionable facts, and twist them. We take them and sprinkle on doubts, assertions, cilantro, and other crazy shit to spice them up and in the end it ruins them. Its enough to give a kid heartburn. We can't be satisfied with knowing and not knowing. We have to know what we cannot and we have to question what we do. We can't just be.

We make our facts fit our beliefs, not the other way around. Its even infiltrated Science. Those who fund the research want to find facts that prove their opinions. They make statistics that make their beliefs more right. Which is wrong.

We know what we like, whether it be Ruffles or Jesus, because they give us a good taste, or a good feeling, or they satisfy our urge. But we can never truly know that what we think is tasty is actually tasty. The Chef Boyardee v. Spaghetti O's debate will never end.

So next time you are arguing, think about the Principle of Yum. You're both wrong, and the solution is to do what tastes right, what feels right, and what doesn't cause indigestion. And when possible, to simply follow the unfiltered, unaltered facts.

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