Think outside the box, then rape the box, shit in the box and light it on fire, then rape it again.
Lord Galen
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Best Friends Ex
February 17, 2007

Dear Galen

I'm having trouble with my best friend. He broke up with a girl he loves about two and a half months ago and he still hasn't gotten over her. I mean he only went out with her for a week. So I was just wondering, what should I tell him to finnaly get over his Ex-Girlfriend.

Best Friend

Dear Best,

Your friend is suffering from a common condition known as "OMFG, YOU ONLY WENT OUT WITH HER FOR A WEEK, YOU FUCKING ASS GRABBING PANSY LITTLE CRYBABY BITCH" syndrome. There is only one effective cure for OMFGYOWOWHFAWYFAGPLCB. Sit your friend down and, in a gentle and loving manner, backhand him across the face as hard as you fucking can and tell him to stop being a goddamn embarrassment to the entire male gender.

Your friend obviously has some serious self-esteem issues. He sounds incredibly insecure and needy, like a fucking baby.

"Waaaa, my girlfriend of a whole week left me! My life is over!"

HEY, ASSHOLE! She dated you for a WEEK! She doesn't "love" you and never fucking will. So shut yourself up for a weekend, watch Thelma & Louise, Ghost, Love Story, etc., cry your fucking eyes out and then GET THE HELL OVER IT!

Honestly, I have no useful advice for your friend. I feel nothing but genuine disgust at what a pathetic little pussy he is. He needs to go see that girl, ask her to please give him his balls back, and man the fuck UP!

All My Raw Seething Bitter Hatred,
Lord Galen

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