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-Terry Goodkind
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Tabbed Browsing Sucks
(and Firefox Sucks, part 2)
January 5, 2006

Tabbed browsing, the latest bullshit thing for people to get all hot and sweaty about in the world of Internet nonsense. The history of idiotic things that people just LOVE is getting longer.

First there was "Open Source." It's open so that script kiddies can save time by not having to experiment with various hacking techniques to find flaws in software, but can instead just sit back and look over the code at their leisure to find holes. HA!

From Open Source sprang the alternative operating systems. Linux, BeOS, et al. They're superior to the dominant OS (Windows) in many ways, although they're also quite INferior in many other ways, though no one likes to admit that.

Then we got alternative web browsers. Somewhere around Firefox 1.0.7 was when a few people finally started to publicly admit to its flaws. I began seeing ppl type things like "Shitty Firefox just crashed on me..." Gee, seems like I've been saying that it was just as shitty as any other browser since it was a beta and anyone who defamed it would get tarred and feathered.

Not that I'm saying these things are bad. Certainly not. I use open source programs all the time. In fact, I refuse to use vBulletin as my forum software (even though it's a better forum) simply because of the fact that it's NOT free and open source. So yeah, I support Open Source shit, I'm just not blindly devoted to it like so many seem to be.

Which brings me to the real topic of this rant. Tabbed Browsing. The idea being that you can save "so much space on your taskbar" by opening a shitload of different pages in "tabs" instead of new windows. I don't know who originally managed to sell this gay ass idea to the general public, but damn they were good. Let's have a look at something shall we.... Here's 50 windows open in Internet Explorer:

Now, of course, you can't see all 50 of those open windows. But look, what's that right there on the far right of the taskbar? Those look like little arrows... maybe if I click them... YES! I can get to ALL 50 of my open windows! Now what about 50 open tabs in Firefox?

(click for the FULL size)

What's this shit? Only 25 tabs displayed? And is there any way to get to the other 25 that are now hidden? Admittedly I don't know Firefox that well so maybe there actually is a way, but there doesn't appear to be one. So what the hell should I do now? Just tell those other 25 tabs to fuck off? True, in a controlled experiment like this, I could just have opened one other Firefox window and had the other 25 tabs in that. Then that's 50 pages with only 2 open windows. Still a win for tabbed browsing, right? Sure, if YOU count how many windows you have open at all times! Well, do you?

Ah, but it takes up less space on the taskbar. I'm not sure exactly when people started giving a fuck about how much space was used on the taskbar but... Oh wait, yes I am; people started giving a fuck when tabbed browsing first came out! If they were making money on this, it'd be a great business plan. You make up a demand and then cater to it as if it were real. People are sheep, so they fall for it. "Oh wow, I can save space on my taskbar! Holy shit, I never fucking cared about that before, but now that I can do it, it's GREAT!" Morons.

The only on-screen space that really *does* matter is the amount of viewing area you have in your browser. Open up 50 windows on the task bar, no viewing space is lost. Open up 50 tabs (or even ONE extra tab) and you get another toolbar up at the top of the Firefox, reducing your screen area. In fact, with the tab bar, Firefox takes up the same amount of space at the top of the screen as IE does. Of course, that's with the small icons and no text in Firefox, while IE is running large icons with text labels.

If you make it an even competition by setting FF to use large icons and text, it takes up a LOT more screen area at the top than IE. So, what we see here is that the wonderful folks at Mozilla are pushing on you a product that: (A) Saves space where space-saving doesn't fucking matter and (B) adds space where space-saving DOES matter. And all the while, you fucking idiots are raving about how great it is! Wow, what a bunch of suckers! Hey, I've got some ocean-front property out in Kansas that I'd like to sell you; send me an e-mail, ok.

In summation, you're all idiots who can't think for yourselves. The only reason you think "tabbed browsing rocks" is because Mozilla tells you that it does. All the other browsers with tabs got in on the gig, but Mozilla deserves the real credit for duping you dolts. Not that it was hard. As long as it's not "Microsoft" you freaks love it. I could put a fat turd on HotScripts, say that it's Open Source and vaguely mention how it's better than a Microsoft turd, and you'd all come running for it!

Seriously, take a look around assholes. Firefox and it's users are doing a much better job of trying to take over the browser market than Microsoft *ever* did with Internet Explorer. The ONLY thing that makes it acceptable is that FF is open source, so nobody makes any money from it. And that's what it all comes down to, really. Bill Gates made money by pushing his product so he's the fucking bad guy. Mozilla makes no money while they're shoving their product down everyone's fucking throats, so that's just dandy with everybody. In the end, it's all about how you fuckers hate the rich and cling to the "money is evil" shit. Let me just quote the dude from Boiler Room who said "Anybody who tells you that money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any!"

As long as there's no money involved, people can try their damndest to become a monopoly and wipe out the competition. FF users don't even bother to hide the fact that their goal is to completely eradicate Internet Explorer from the web. I've seen so many pages with "Best viewed in Firefox" even though the almighty W3C has said a million fucking times that designing a page to be "best viewed..." in anything is BAD! But does anybody give a shit when it comes to Firefox? Nope. If the page doesn't render properly in IE at all but looks beautiful in FF, does anyone fucking care? Nope. If it were the other way around, you'd all be fired up in like 10 seconds, simply because Bill Gates makes some fucking money from it. You're all a bunch of goddamn hypocrites. Suck my dick all the way to hell.

Well fuck.... this was supposed to be a rant about Tabbed Browsing, but it turned into another Firefox rant as well... Two rants in one. Be happy, you shits.

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