You people drive me up the fucking wall. Always trying to hook somebody up with somebody else. You all think you know exactly who's perfect for who and once you latch on, you're like a damn shark in a blood bath!
All of you need to hear this public service announcement because you're ALL guilty of it at some point. There's others though that need to pay especially close attention. You know who you are... Fucking losers with nothing better to do than try to help somebody else get laid so maybe they'll tell you about it and you can envision it the next time you fuck your pillow!
You lonely pathetic fucking losers, get your own damn life! Set yourself up and stop bothering everybody else! Stop trying to hook your friend up and go fuck something yourself!
Get this through your heads: NOBODY GIVES A DAMN WHO YOU THINK IS PERFECT FOR THEM!!!! SHUT UP!!!!
The really and truly sad part is that you're not even GOOD at it! Nobody who's any good at hooking people up with their "perfect match" is every out running around going "OMG, you should TOTALLY go out with Skeezoid Loser this weekend! You two would be PERFECT together!" No, they don't do that and do you know WHY? Because anybody who's good at finding "perfect matches" is busy fucking their own perfect match, you retarded rusty dildo!
"No way Galen, I know I'm GREAT at setting people up..." NO YOU'RE NOT! It's always the WORST fucking match makers who think they're the greatest shit since Chuck Wollery. You ain't the "love connection" fucker!
Why don't you put those retarded "skills" to work fixing your own life? Yeah, that's right, I know your life is fucked up. The only people who devote themselves to setting up others are the people whose own love lives suck balls. They're either single or UNhappily married.
"Well, I don't care what you say! I set up Bobby and Linda Sue and they're SO happy together!" Yeah, right. You either got lucky one fucking time or, more likely, Bobby's out boinking everything that moves while Linda Sue sits home cutting herself to release the pain. Fuck you.
And did it ever occur to you that maybe some people are better off alone? Seriously. The idea that "everyone has a match" is more retarded than that baby your brother got you pregnant with when you were 12 (remember, the one he aborted by beating the shit out of you when he found out?). No, stupid, everyone DOESN'T have a match! That's fairy tale nonsense; come join us in the real world, you nosy cunt. Maybe your 2nd-cousin Mimi doesn't want or NEED a man! Whaddya think of that, cock sucker?!
And finally, the best reason you should stuff a giant black cock down your throat and shut the fuck up is this: Nobody "needs" someone of the opposite sex to "complete" them! That's another piece of fairy tale horseshit. You have this idea in your head that a woman "needs a good man" or a man "needs a good woman" for their life to be rich and happy. NO THEY DON'T! You can be perfectly fucking happy all by yourself and there's NOTHING wrong with that!
That's today's lesson on shutting your gaping ball trap and minding your own goddamn business. Nobody "appreciates" your advice and nobody wants you sticking your fucking pointed nose into their business. Shut the fucking hell up and go get laid, LOSER!