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HPV Vaccinations Might Inspire Teen Sex
(AKA: What The Fucking Hell Is Wrong With Fundies?)
September 16, 2006

This rant based on the following news story:

There's really only 3 paragraphs of this story that I'm interested in here. In case you missed it (or didn't read it):

The trouble is that the human papilloma virus (HPV) is sexually transmitted. So to prevent infection, girls will have to be vaccinated before they become sexually active, which could be a problem in many countries.

In the US, for instance, religious groups are gearing up to oppose vaccination, despite a survey showing 80 per cent of parents favour vaccinating their daughters. "Abstinence is the best way to prevent HPV," says Bridget Maher of the Family Research Council, a leading Christian lobby group that has made much of the fact that, because it can spread by skin contact, condoms are not as effective against HPV as they are against other viruses such as HIV.

"Giving the HPV vaccine to young women could be potentially harmful, because they may see it as a licence to engage in premarital sex," Maher claims, though it is arguable how many young women have even heard of the virus.

In other words, girls, the retarded ass religious wrong (not "right") is SO desperately anti-sex that they would rather see you get cervical cancer than do anything that might "encourage" you to have sex.

Let's take the obvious bullshit first. It might encourage them to have sex? WTF? It's a vaccine, you goddamn retards! Getting a flu shot didn't encourage me to engage in behavior that could lead to me getting the flu. I think this is a major point that the Religious Wrong has never quite gotten and I need to take the time now to explain it to your slow retarded asses. You see, kids who are gonna have sex are gonna do so with or without "encouragement." Give 'em condoms, they'll have sex with condoms. Don't give 'em condoms, they'll have unprotected sex. It makes NO DIFFERENCE, you tool! My point here is that nothing you do or don't do is really going to make any difference. Let me demonstrate this for you by taking a trip in the SnipeMe Time Machine.

[[[[[[[[[[ 2015 ]]]]]]]]]]
Meet little Jenny. She's 12 years old and, of course, not sexually active yet. Oh look, there goes Jenny to the doctor to get her HPV shot. Hmmm....

[[[[[[[[[[ 2019 ]]]]]]]]]]
Hey, here's Jenny again! She's 16 now and on a date with her boyfriend. Uh-oh, looks like Jenny is about to engage in some of those nasty sinful dirty evil carnal relations with that horny little evil teenage boy that she's been dating for almost a year and loves very much. Oh no, it's too horrible, I can't watch! Wait... yes I can...

[[[[[[[[[[ 2006 ]]]]]]]]]]
Well, I know how to nip this shit right in the bud! I'm back in 2006 now and I'll gather up my other Conservative friends and we'll all lobby congress and prevent this horrid cancer-prevention method that will lead to nasty stinky SEX! Oh no, we can't have that!

[[[[[[[[[[ 2015 ]]]]]]]]]]
We're back in good 'ol 2015 now. Looks like we were successful. There's 12 year old Jenny going to the doctor again. This time, it looks like the doctor is just giving her a routine physical. Yay, no sex-inspiring HPV shots for Jenny!

[[[[[[[[[[ 2019 ]]]]]]]]]]
We're back in 2019 again and there's 16yo Jenny on her date... wait... OH NO! She's having sex with that sicko boy just like before!!! How can this be? We got rid of the sex shot! This can't possibly turn out good for Jenny!

[[[[[[[[[[ 2023 ]]]]]]]]]]
Hey, what's this shit....? It's now 4 years later and we're at Jenny's funeral. Uh-oh, it looks like Jenny died of cervical cancer caused by HPV.... Oops.

We're back in the present now. Did you enjoy that little trip through time? I certainly hope so, you dumbfucks. I hope even more that it illustrated a very simple concept in such a way that even your very simple little brian could comprehend it. A fucking SHOT IN THE ASS isn't going to give someone "license to have sex." Teenagers already have a license to have sex, in their own minds; it's called THEIR HORMONES. You can take away the vaccinations and the condoms and the birth control pills from the teenagers and you know what you'll end up with? A shitload of diseased pregnant teenagers! They're STILL going to have sex REGARDLESS of what YOU do! IDIOT!

Frankly, this terrifies me. What happens if the cure for AIDS turns out to be a vaccination that has to be given before you're sexually active? Will the Religious Wrong be denying that cure because it might make people have sex? YES, you fuckers, THEY WILL! They're so absolutely terrified of human sexuality that, yes, they will most certainly rather sacrifice human lives than human abstinance. "Abstinence is the best way to prevent HPV." Well NO SHIT, Bridget Maher, you moron. Riding a bike is the best way to prevent car accidents too, ya dumbshit. Hell, staying in my fucking house 24/7/365 is the best way to prevent damn near anything. And you shutting your fucking mouth is the best way to prevent pissing me off! The fact is, you sub-sentient turd, that abstaining from the 2nd most powerful instinctual drive which is hard-coded into our DNA isn't exactly EASY and there are many MANY people who simply won't do it, or CAN'T do it because they lack the willpower! Yes, I absolutely 100% agree that abstinance is the best way to keep yourself from getting a sexually transmitted disease, but frankly, we can't all be frigid bitches like you and your cronies.

But FINE, let's tow your party line for a bit and see where that leads us. Fuck the HPV vaccine cuz it might incite sex in these young, pure, innocent girls who certainly don't have any sex drive at all. Ok.

What if a girl gets raped? Nobody ever said that STDs come only from willing sexual contact. Oops, too bad for that poor little girl who COULD have had protection against at least one STD. Yeah, fuck her, nobody cares about her, right?

What if a woman's husband cheats on her and brings home HPV? Oops, guess she'll just get cervical cancer then, huh? Too bad she couldn't have gotten a vaccination against it when she was young.

Y'know what, in all seriousness, fuck you. Fuck every goddamn one of you right to hell with a rusty burning hot steel poker! You make me sick! You're willing to let young girls go untreated for a disease because it might make them feel like it's "ok" to break one of your ass backwards fucking primative taboos?!


I fucking mean it. CLICK RIGHT FUCKING HERE and send me a motherfucking e-mail telling me that THAT is what God wants! TELL ME, YOU FUCKING SICK COCKSUCKING BASTARDS!!!!!!!

If you can honestly tell me that that's what God wants, then I'll tell you go fucking shove God up your ass until you choke on him! I can say that, cuz that's NOT what any decent God who loves his children would want and if the God you're serving wants that, then fuck your God, cuz he ain't the real thing, asshole! I suspect that your "God" goes by the name of Lucifer. That's the only "God" I can think of offhand who would encourage the denial of medical care to young girls so that they might get cancer and die.

You fucking disgust me. All of you. Bridget Maher, I hope you get cervical cancer and die, you cunt. And the same goes for all your little anti-sex Wrong Wing friends too! Fuck you.

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