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Lord Galen
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Uncomfortable Proposition
July 30, 2006


Dear Galen


Ok, i'm a 19yo guy from [EDIT] who volunteers at the local [EDIT], helping out needy kids and stuff like that. There's this one kid there who's really cool and has kinda got attached to me like a "big brother" type thing or so I thought.

Last week this girl (she's 12) told me that she loves me and wants to be my girlfriend. She said she knows it's illegal and won't tell anybody or anything. She didn't come right out and say it or anything but the basic idea was that she wanted me to fuck her.

I'm sorta ashamed to admit that I am a little bit attracted to her cuz she's a really pretty girl and she'll be damn fine when she grows up. She's the one who came on to me so it's not like I'd be molesting her or something and she's not like a little girl or anything. She knows a lot of shit and is WAY more mature than girls my age even are.

But like I'm not saying I wanna have sex with her. I don't want go to jail, but I wouldn't mind hooking up with her so maybe when she gets a little older and hotter I'd be already like kinda in her good graces, ya know.

So, what's your advice? You talk about all the youth rights stuff and this is *HER* choice so what do ya think?

Signed, Uncomfortable


Dear Uncomfortable,

First, let's cut through all the bullshit, ok.

she's a really pretty girl and she'll be damn fine when she grows up...

When guys say shit like this, what they actually MEAN is "Holy shit, she really gives me a fuckin' boner, but damn she's way too young for me to admit that!" Don't feed me that "she'll be hot one day" line of crap. You mean that you think she's hot NOW. At least have the balls to admit it! C'mon, I've seen 12yo girls who're hot. Admittedly, they look more like 16, but they're still hot and still 12. Grow some balls and say what you mean, you pussy!

Now, the other bullshit you threw straight at my head comes in the form of, oh, THE REST OF YOUR LETTER! The fact of the matter is that you know how I'm all for Youth Rights and you just plain wanna take this girl up on her offer to ride you like My Friend Flicka and you're hoping that I'll give you some YR-positive justification for doing exactly that. You figure I'll say something like "Well, it's her body so it's her decision." Survey says....!

X
BZZZZZZZT!!!

WRONG, JACKASS! Yes, yes, of course it's her body and her decision and she has the absolute soveriegn right to control over her own body in a perfect fucking world. We don't live in a perfect fucking world, you shit-guzzling little pervert! In the world that we DO live in, she is a vulnerable (albeit horny) young girl that you would be taking advantage of. Even if that's NOT the case, there is still that little tiny thing called THE LAW. No matter how much you may disagree with the law, you can't break it, dickhead! At least, not when it could end in harm to other people or yourself and this is damn sure one of those situations.

Don't believe me? Let's say you take her up on the offer. You two get involved and you're both perfectly happy fucking each other silly. Trouble with this sort of thing is that it's really hard to keep secret from everyone. Eventually (and you should have NO doubt of this) someone WILL find out! And when they do, you get carted off to prison for statutory rape and she gets carted off to therapy where a friendly court-appointed therapist will respond to her insistance that it was all her idea and that you didn't rape her by brainwashing her making her see that really it wasn't her idea and, in fact, you just manipulated her into thinking that it was all your idea. By the end of it, she'll come out believing that she was a rape victim and she will be accordingly scarred for the rest of her fucking life by that! No, it DOESN'T matter whether it's true or not, what matter is that that's what she'll believe and, after sex offender therapy, that's what you'll believe too. You'll live the rest of your life listed on the sex offender registry, never being able to have a stable job, home, family, etc. All because you couldn't talk your dick down off the ledge before it took that fatal suicide plunge.

Breaking the law will hurt you and it will hurt her. There are very few exceptions to this and the odds of you being one are not in your favor. It would be safer to bet your life savings on a Jeep Cherokee to win the Daytona 500.

Now, don't think I'm unsympathetic. I had a 13yo come right out and say "fuck me" to me once. She was a very attractive girl and the little devil sitting on my shoulder was like "Dude, hit that!" But I reacted in the same way that you should react. I told her that I was too old for her and that even though I did find her attractive, the consequences were not worth the risk. Not to mention that I'm married, which was my number one reason for turning her down, but I figure you're single, so I didn't bring that up first. There's also the immorality of it. I know, morality is subjective, but my own personal morality simply would not allow for me to take advantage of a young girl's hormones. Maybe yours would, but that would make you a scumbag asshole.

Now, you probably won't listen to this part, but I'm saying it anyway. I strongly advise you to report this to your superiors at the place where you volunteer. They may know things that you don't. For example, this girl may have a history of being sexually abused (which is a whole other bag of emotional shit that you don't EVEN want to go near). For your own protection, report this immediately.

Let me sum it up for you. Most adult males will from time to time, find themselves sexually attracted to a girl that's WAY too young for them. That's normal and it doesn't make you a pervert or a bad person (note the "from time to time" qualifier on that). The difference between a decent guy and a fucking assbag is that a decent guy will recognize these feelings as something he should push out of his mind and keep going with life. I'm not saying that you should repress these feelings (that's not healthy either); I'm saying that you need to acknowledge that those feelings are there while at the same time acknowledging that they can absolutely never be acted upon or even seriously entertained and that this is an absolute immutable fact of reality that can no more be changed than the law of gravity.

You think a 12yo is sexy? Fine. You're even remotely considering acting on that? NOT FINE! Got it? Good!

Don't fucking do it! I'm serious. Don't even imagine that in your wildest dreams it could possibly happen. Think with your brain, not your little dick.


All My Loathing,
Lord Galen


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