Wizard's Seventh Rule: Life is the future, not the past.
-Terry Goodkind
Lord Galen
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Romantic Fool
January 13, 2006


Dear Galen


I started dating the coolest guy in the world last Spring. I have dated several people since my last serious relationship ended, but most bored me and I wouldn't go out on more than 2 dates before ending things. This guy was different, and we've had a great relationship. He asked me to be his girlfriend last June and I fell deeply in love. Here it is, over six months later, and he is not in love with me. This was frustrating, but I do understand some people take longer. However a recent chat we've had makes me worried.

My man has told me he has only ever been in love with his ex-fiancee, who left him for another person. Heartbreaking for him I know, but he is still in love with her, and I recently found that he still has the ring in his possession. I'm concerned that he is still holding on to his love for her that it will not allow him to feel love for another person. What's worse is that our recent conversation was that if he does not love a girlfriend within a year, he will break up with them 9 imes out of 10. He lives very one day at a time, but I had always expected this relationship to grow and have a future, which I no longer feel it has because of this. I'm torn between staying with him until he dumps me - since I feel now that in another 5 or 6 months he probably will - or just leaving him now. I do love him very much, and feel being with him has helped me with dealing with issues in my life and made me a better person. On the other hand I am saddened to know I have such a small chance of a future, and wonder if I even want to waste my time seeing if I'd have a future with anyone else, or just give up on relationships all together.

Signed,
Romantic Fool


Dear Fool

It sounds to me like you're just being a dumbass optimist. You keep making the classic mistake that chicks make in a BAD relationship: You assume he'll change. Women who get beat and don't leave their man; why the fuck do they do it? Because they think the asshole will fucking change eventually if she just loves him enough and sticks by him. Same thing here.

Look, the guy has already fucking told you in some pretty clear terms just exactly what the deal IS. You hoping that he'll have some epiphany of love isn't going to change the reality. This isn't a Carey Grant movie, hon, it's real life.

And, really, knowing that you love him (if he does know) probably makes him love you just that much LESS. The thing with this situation is that you really can't put any of the blame on him when you get hurt. He's told you and told you and fucking told you already. The dude has been honest with you about his feelings and you've stuck your head in the toilet of denial, letting the shit swirl around you!

Do what's right for yourself, girl! Get what you can out of the relationship if you want, but make sure it's for FUN, not love! You won't get a long-term thing with him, so just fucking forget it. Either have fun and smile when it ends, or you need to take your obsessive ass on outta that relationship NOW.

Oh, but you love him? You figure that even the slightest chance at love and happiness is worth the risk of being hurt? You figure it's ok to be a borderline obsessive moron over a guy who DOESN'T LOVE YOU because at least he's dating you so MAYBE he'll love you one of these days?

You thought wrong. Sorry to be so blunt about it, but love makes people even bigger idiots than they normally are and it takes a few kicks in the gut to break through that. Please, for your own good, tell the guy you want a commitment or nothing at all. He'll vote for nothing at all and THEN you'll know for sure. That's all. The end. Have a nice day. Please drive through.


Hate,
Galen


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