Resist much. Obey little.
-Walt Whitman
Lord Galen
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Pregnant at 15
November 9, 2006

Dear Galen

I just found out last week that I'm pregnant and I'm only 15. I'm pro-life, but now I'm SERIOUSLY thinking about getting an abortion. My parents were really really mad but when they calmed down, they were like "you should get an abortion, but we won't force you."

I know they probably CAN'T force me (I hope), but they're still taking it better than I thought they would. Now at least.

My boyfriend SAYS he's gonna be there for me and support me and he'll get a job and help support the baby and all that, but he doesn't ACT like he really wants to do anything about it. When I tried talking to him about an abortion he said he thinks I should get one.

What do you think I should do? I really really really DON'T want to get an abortion cuz I don't believe in it, but at the same time it's like I really really really really really DO want to get one cuz I don't think I can handle this shit.


Dear Expecting,

First of all, just where the fucking hell did you think babies came from? The stork?! This is what happens when you fuck! It's the natural purpose of fucking; to make babies. So yeah, if you're having sex, the possibility of a baby is in the mix. If you "can't handle this shit" then you REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY should've fucking been thinking about that shit BEFORE you spread your legs, hon!

But, I digress. You've got enough people telling you that you were a dumbass, you don't need me adding to it. And really, you weren't a total dumbass. Well, ok, if you had unprotected sex, then you're a goddamn idiot and I'm sorry you just got a baby instead of AIDS, which is what people dumb enough to have unprotected sex deserve. That way at least some of the stupid people will die off. Survival of the smartest, bitch.

Anyway, as I was saying... If you were using protection, then you're NOT really a total dumbass. You made a mistake and, hey, mistakes happen. I'm not really gonna fault you for making a fuck-up that thousands of people (both youth and adults) make all the damn time.

To abort or not to abort, that is the question. The answer is that only YOU can decide. Not your parents (fuck them) or your boyfriend (fuck him) or even me (yes, fuck my opinion on the matter too). I'm not going to sit here and tell you to do it or not. Even I, a man who calls himself a god, don't think that I'm superior enough to be handing down a decree on what you should be doing with your own body. I know, you said that you're pro-life, but let's be fucking real here. Nobody is REALLY for or against any-damn-thing, in reality, until THEY are put in that situation. Ever hear the song "What It's Like" by Everlast? Nice 2nd verse that applies to you.

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom that said he was in love
He said, "Don't worry about a thing, baby doll
I'm the man you've been dreaming of."
Three months later he say he won't date her or return her call
And she swear, "God damn, if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls."

And then she heads for the clinic and
she gets some static walking through the door
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner
and they call her a whore

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose

That last line is particularly important for your situation: "God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes, cuz then you really might know what it's like to have to choose." You can preen and strut around with your high-moral "(british accent) Oh, but I'm SOOO pro-life" all you fucking want, but when it comes right down to it, you don't have a fucking CLUE what it's really like to have to make that choice until YOU'RE in that situation. Now you are, and NOW you find that "pro-life" isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm assuming a lot there, such as you being pretentious, but you get my point.

Anyway, to help you out, I'll do what I can. I'm going to ask you a few questions and I want you to answer them 100% honestly to yourself.

1. You didn't think about the consequences of having sex enough, obviously, so learn a lesson from that and THIS TIME think about the ramifications of what you're doing. How are you going to feel about yourself and about what you did if you have an abortion?

2. Is an abortion really something that YOU want, or is it something that everyone else wants FOR you? This is your child. YOU are the parent now and as a parent, it's your turn to make the big decisions. Parents have to decide a lot of shit in their years on the job and this is your first decision. Will your child even be born?

[ Listen people, don't send me 500 e-mails arguing your pro-life, pro-choice bullshit. Both sides are insanely retarded and I don't give a fuck about your opinion, so keep it! ]

3. Can you give this child what it needs most - love? Nevermind financial concerns or any of that shit. You can be dirt fucking poor and still love your kids and that's STILL raising your child well. Can you put your child FIRST in your life? Your child has to come before dates, before studying for tests, before concerts, before your Prom, before your graduation ceremony, before EVERYTHING. Most teenagers I know are really big on the whole "my life is my own!" thing. When you have a child, your life is NOT your own anymore. Your life belongs to that child and anything else takes a distant 2nd place. Can you do that?

4. Are you going to resent this baby if it's born? You have no right to, since it was YOUR fuck-up that got you pregnant, but you might anyway. Don't. Just fucking don't. If you can't obey me on that, then your kid's better off dead.

That's all I've got for you. Answer those questions HONESTLY. I'm sure you've asked yourself those questions and a hundred more already, but do it again and this time be honest. You're most likely trying to sway yourself one way or the other, trying to think of which answer is "right." There is no "right" answer here, other than the one that's 100% HONEST.

I hope I've helped. If I haven't, then fuck you. If I have, then DO write back and let me know what you decided. And name the baby Galen, goddamnit! I Said Do It Now!


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