A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against its government.
-Edward Abbey
Lord Galen
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Only For Her
May 20, 2006

Dear Galen

I dated a guy for a year and a half and then things went sour. However a month I found out that I was pregnant and began trying to get a hold of him. I had the baby two months ago and still haven't been able to tell him about her. The only time I even got close to talking to him was just after she was born and he called me obsessed and hung up. I think he has the right to know. I couldn't careless if he was in mine and my daughters life but in the best interest of my daughter I do believe that he deserve to know for the simple fact that she may want to know her father someday. I know he wants nothing to do with me and thats fine by me. Ever since I found out that I was pregnant I knew I had to shallow my pride and I began doing things that were in the best inerest for my baby and I honestly think this is for her best interest.

How can I get him to just listen to me for two seconds without screaming nasty words and obscene language at me?

Only for her

Dear Only

The easiest solution would be to send him a letter or e-mail, with a picture of you and the baby. If he won't listen to you THEN, you can just forget about his ass. I've ranted on fathers' rights and how women shouldn't do shit like keeping a baby from the father intentionally, but if you send a letter and he's an asshole about it, then to hell with him. Either he wants to be a part of his kid's life or he doesn't. He may be a dick to you and for all I know you may very well deserve it, but your daughter has done nothing wrong and deserves only love from her father. If he can't (or won't) give that love, then having him in her life is NOT in her best interests.

I'm not saying to cut him out completely regardless of his reaction. By all means, leave the door open. People change and one day this guy may change and realize that he made a huge mistake by not being a part of his daughter's life from the very start. While it may be tempting to punish him for that mistake, remember that you'd be punishing your daughter for his mistake too, and that's just unacceptable.

The ideal scenario would be for him to accept his child with open arms and be a big part of her life. Despite the widely held prejudice to the contrary, little girls do NEED fathers. Usually the stereotype is that girls need their mothers most and boys need their fathers most (to show them how to be a man/woman respectively), but any child psychologist will tell you that this is a very FALSE common belief. Girls raised in mom-only homes are more likely to be depressed, have eating disorders, be promiscuous, enter into bad marriages, etc (Google for the stats, hon, it's all there). The reason being that girls learn HOW to love from their fathers. Moms can teach a LOT to their little girls, but they can never give them practical experience in loving and being loved by a strong male figure. That's not to say that a girl can't be perfectly happy and "normal" without a father, just that it is statistically less likely.

Oh, and one other thing in case you were worried about this. Don't prejudge what kind of father he'll be based on what kind of boyfriend he was. There are guys out there who demean and even abuse their wives all while treating their children like gold. The dynamics of a father-child relationship are very different and even the worst asshole of a boyfriend can shine like a polished pearl as a dad. Or he could be a terrible father and you'll have to kick his ass. That could happen too. I'm just saying that you shouldn't make any assumptions about how he'll be as a father. His performance with you is absolutely no indication of how he'll be with your kid.


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