Insanity in individuals is something rare; but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule.
Lord Galen
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Desperate Housewife
June 9, 2006

Dear Galen

I'm in a hell of a situation. I've wanted to leave my husband for a long time now. He's a drug addict and emotionally absent from our family (we have 3 kids). When he wasn't working, he just slept all the time. For a long time, he wouldn't let me go anywhere or have any friends.

I had finally broken out of his control and started having a life. I went to parties and hung out with friends. I didn't neglect my kids or anything, but I was finally able to have some "me time" too.

Eventually, I finally told my husband that I wanted a divorce. Everything was going fine until I made a mistake. I'd been talking to this other guy for a little while and I ended up sleeping with him. When I came home afterwards, I found my husband cleaning the house and talking about how much he was trying to change for me. I felt so guilty that I broke down crying and told my husband what had happened.

Now he's got me "over a barrel" so to speak. He's supposedly forgiven me and wants to "work things out" and make our marriage work. His way of working things out now is to tell me that I can't go anywhere or do anything anymore. I'm not to hang out with my friends or go to any parties and when I do go somewhere (even to the grocery store) he's calling me all the time to check up on me. He's even started telling me what to wear! But after what I did, how can I even argue with him? I was almost out and now I'm right back where I started and in no position to do anything about it because I'm the one who screwed up.

Desperate Housewife

Dear Desperate,

Yup, you fucked up alright. You had one foot out the door and then decided to be a dumbass and spread your legs for some other guy. Did it never occur to you that you were proving all of your husbands jealous paranoid fears RIGHT by doing that? No wonder he has you over a fucking barrel now; you made him RIGHT! Now, he was right not to trust you. He was right (in his mind) to keep you on that short leash. WTF?!

But don't despair. All that rightness is in his tiny little head. It sounds to me like your husband made his own little self-fulfulling prophecy. He feared you'd stray from him, so he did all that shit to keep you, which of course only served to push you away from him into the arms of another man. Men do it all the time. They let their stupid little insignificant insecurities dominate their marriages and the wife ends up doing exactly what Mr. Insecurity was afraid of: Leaving.

However, dumbass that you were, you are still not some piece of property. There is no circumstance at all - EVER - that gives your husband (or anyone) the right to tell you who you can be friends with, what you can wear, etc. Yeah, you fucked up, but there is not fuck-up THAT bad. Tell you husband that unless he'd like to see you out that door for good, he'd better straighten his ass up - quick! He's doing the same shit that pushed you away in the first place and I don't predict that your marriage will last very much longer at all.

Don't think I'm blaming him for all this though. He started it, sure, but your response was fucking stupid. You made two mistakes right on top of each other. First, you cheated on him. Second, you told him about it. MORON! If you've managed to get away with cheating, DON'T TELL YOUR SPOUSE, STUPID! Oh, but you felt guilty. Waaaaah! Cry me a fucking river! Guilt is a useless emotion. There's no changing what's been done, there is only moving forward and the best way to move forward after this would've been for him to have never known what happened. Well, actually, the best way to move forward would've been for you to've STILL kept walking right out that damn door without ever telling him you cheated. You let him guilt you with that "Look baby, I'm changing" bullshit. Once again, your guilt led you straight down the toilet.

If you knew it was wrong, you shouldn't have done it. If you did it, then you should accept that it wasn't wrong. Either way, guilt should never come into play. People who feel guilt are pussies who're too damn wishy-washy to ever decide what they actually want. What you do is either right or it isn't, but the time to decide that is BEFORE you do it!

Now, kick your husband's stupid ass out the door. Tell him to take his drug-abusing, controlling, jealous, needy, whiny, bitchy, crybaby ass back to his mommy!


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