Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves.
-Henry David Thoreau
Lord Galen
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Completely Confused
September 1, 2006

Dear Galen

I just got out of a really bad relationship and I guess I am kinda on the rebound. Recently an ex-boyfriend from years ago has been contacting me. He has also gotten out of a relationship. It's nice to feel the comfort that we use to have together. Things have been pretty innocent up to now but I feel like he wants to get back what we had. The girl that he just broke up with had been cheating on him for a while and she was the reason that we broke up. We really had something special and something that we both will never forget. He has told me that he wishes he hadn't left me because I was the only good thing that had walked into his life.

I'm just wondering if from your perception as a guy if he is just blowing smoke up my ass or if he is being honest in what he has been saying to me. He is one of the most amazing guys I have ever met and spending the time with him has really made me start to wish that we could have back what we had. He is the only guy I have ever felt this comfortable with. I know that deep down we both will always love each other and that the comfort we had achieved with each other will never be as strong because of our past, but I am just wondering if I should let him back into my life to try and regain the trust I once had in him or if I should tell him straight that the most we can ever hope for is friends.

Signed, Completely Confused

Dear Confused,

To be perfectly honest, I don't know why the fuck you're even writing to me. Sounds like you've already made up your mind and are just looking for confirmation. Well....

It's a tough call. Rebound is a tricky thing with one person, but now you're BOTH on the rebound. If ya ask me, you're both hurting and seeking out a "comfort zone" with each other. I got back together with my first love once or twice because of this, so I know how it feels. Trouble is, my first love and I are two entirely different people who, frankly, were never a "match" to begin with, no matter how much we loved each other. The love was real, but the compatibility wasn't.

What you need to do right now is set aside your emotions. Sto being lead around by your heart strings! Don't ask yourself if the two of you love each other, ask yourself if the two of you are RIGHT for each other. Love is an important element to a successful relationship, but contrary to the fairy tale bullshit, it is NOT the only element needed! John Lennon said "All ya need is love." That man was full of horseshit. Love is important, but if it's ALL you've got, you're doomed.

Think about why your relationship with this guy ended in the first place. Relationships that end usually have a reason for doing so. Now, I'm not saying you should just drop the guy. If he makes you happy and it's nice in your "comfort zone" then fine, stick to that for a little while. But DO NOT delude yourself into thinking that it'll be some perfectly little happliy-ever-after thing. It could turn out that way, but it most likely will not. It'll be a pleasant surprise for you if it turns out well, but don't expect that to be in your future with this guy.

The honest truth is that both of you need a safe place for your heart to heal and you found that safe place with each other. Once the healing is done, what's left? Love? Pfft! Spare me that crap! Leave that shit to Shrek and Fiona, it doesn't happen that way in real life, most of the time.

Go ahead and enjoy your little safe zone. In fact, enjoy your new relationship with this guy, cuz I already know you won't fucking listen to me. You'll fire up the relationship again anyway and find out that I'm right the hard way, just like everybody else. For what it's worth, I hope I'm wrong and it works out for you, but I wouldn't bet on that lame 3-legged horse to win the race.

All My Loathing,
Lord Galen

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