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-Ernest Gaines
Lord Galen
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"Customer Service" Does Not Equal "Be A Condescending Prick!"
September 16, 2005

Ok, so the wife and I have these nice little Nextel phones with the little walkie-talkie shit goin' on. It's pretty sweet, except for one little problem: We live in cell-signal HELL! There are a few random spots in the house where we can actually get a signal, but mostly it's the the dreaded "No Service" bullshit on the screen. So, being a Ham Radio operator for the past 8 years, I decide that the best course of action for me is to mount a fuckin' mobile cell antenna on top of the house.

The trouble is that cell phones generally have a little jack on the back of the phone to plug in an external antenna. This one doesn't. As with most Motorola phones, the antenna screws off and you have to screw in a matching male adapter which is either crimped or soldered onto the coax which leads up to the antenna (on my roof in this case instead of on a car).

Anyway, I figure it'll be no problem to just stroll into Radio Shack and get the guys to hook me up with the mobile antenna and the correct threaded male connector that I need. So I go into Radio Shack and let the guy know what I'm looking for. He takes the phone and says "I don't see a jack for it, it doesn't look like this takes an external antenna." Figuring that he's a little slow or something, I take off the factory antenna and hand it back to him. Amazingly, the moron laughed. He actually laughed (presumably at my stupidity) and proceeded to give me a lesson in how cell phones and antennas work together. The gist of his story is that there's no such thing as what I'm looking for and maybe I could get one custom made by Motorola, but he doubts it.....

Now, after being an FCC licensed Amateur Radio Operator for 8 years now, one would assume that I do know a thing or two about antennas, connectors, and radios (a cell phone, btw, is nothing more than a simple two-way radio). So, can't you just imagine my surprise at learning that I'm a moron and that this greaseball who works at fucking Radio Shack knows so much more than me? I mean, it's not like I know shit about antennas.... It's not like I had to pass a government mandated exam concerning radios, antennas, and such in order to become a licensed Ham.... No, nothing like that....

Oh, but wait.... why, what's this.....?

Name obscured because I'm not a fucking billboard -- SnipeMe doesn't advertise, bitch!

Holy shit, it's EXACTLY WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR! But, how can this be?! Surely the great all-knowing Radio Shack man couldn't have been WRONG? He told me that such a thing didn't exist!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we've reached the end of Galen's sarcasm... hope you've enjoyed your trip.

Mr. Genius-fucking-Rat-Shack man... WTF? What, the antenna just comes off for no fucking reason? It screws on and off because Motorola thought it would be great giggly fun to make their phones "screw?" No real purpose behind the antenna disconnecting, right dumbass?!

This is just an example from my life today, but it's part of a much bigger problem. Fucking sales people are KILLING customer service. You run across a guy who works in a furniture store and he's the fucking EXPERT on anything furniture-related. It doesn't matter if you have a doctorate in Interior Design, this minimum wage loser surely knows more than you. And God-forbid you should actually know what the fuck you're doing and NOT need somebody's help in the fucking store.... HOLY SHIT! It's a fucking catastrophe!

What is it with employees thinking they know every damn thing? Yeah, alright, if you work in a car parts store I expect you to know about car parts. But, really, if you work in Sporting Goods at Wal-Mart, I'm not expecting a fucking expert on tennis balls, so don't pretend that you are!

Seriously, that radio shack ASSHOLE pissed me off so bad. Why couldn't he just say "I've never seen anything like that, sorry." and leave it at that? No, the motherfucker actually LAUGHED at me for even asking! Now, sure, I could see him thinking it's a silly question if he actually knew what the fuck he was talking about! Given the fact that I found what I needed online (because I KNEW it existed), I'd say it's pretty fucking obvious that he know JACK SHIT and was pretending to know his shit!

Alright, lemme give a similiar situation (fictional) and see if you get my point. Let's say that your hobby is stamp collecting. Now, I work in the Post Office. So, you come in one day and tell me that you're trying to locate a Ronald Reagan stamp. Now, honestly, I've never seen one of those and I don't even know if they're real or not, but let's say it is. Since I just work in the Post Office and don't actually know shit about stamps (I just sell the fuckers, I don't care about 'em) and I've never heard of this stamp, what should my reaction be? Should I start laughing, tell you there's no such thing, maybe you can have one custom printed for you but I doubt it, and walk away laughing at your stupidity even though you KNOW the stamp exists (for the purpose of our example, anyway).

Anyway, I got that picture above, so obviously I know where to get what I need now, but that's not the point. The point is that some condescending little fuckface who didn't even know what the fuck he was talking about had the nerve to pretend that *I* was the dumbass for asking a "stupid question" that he answered INCORRECTLY!!! He could've said "I don't know" instead of pretending to know and acting like I was an idiot because I can put 2 and 2 together (the antenna comes off... hmmm... y'think just MAYBE there's a reason for that? Could the lack of another external antenna port be a CLUE as to what that reason is, ya schmuck?!).

I'm sad to report that my wife was with me at the time and she tends to get moody when I start yelling at sales people in public, so I just walked out without shoving the cell phone down his throat (waste of a perfectly good phone anyway).

But really, we need to not stand for this. I plan to go back to the store (without my wife) after I have the connector I need, show it to him, and tell him that he should keep that in mind before he laughs at someone's question when he obviously doesn't know what the fuck's up anyway. This is something we should ALL be doing. Sales people need to learn that they are there to fucking SELL things, not to pretend that they know what the fuck they're talking about WHEN THEY DON'T!

If I'm a health food expert, I don't need my waitress to lecture me on the fat content of my steak. If I'm a telephone repairman, I don't need a telemarketer telling me how to fix shit. And if I'm a Ham Radio Operator, I don't need the dumbass at Radio Shack pretending that he knows a damn thing about antennas.

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