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Poisoned Over A Fucking Joke
June 8, 2005

The following rant is based on this news story, reprinted below:

Despite Possible Poisoning, T-Shirt Hell Brings Back Their Most Offensive Shirts

LAS VEGAS--(BUSINESS WIRE)--June 7, 2005—Las Vegas based internet company T-Shirt made a name for itself by selling t-shirts that no other site would dare to offer. They had shirts that satirized 9/11; racial and religious stereotypes; even the recent Tsunami. Last month, they took down their most offensive shirts and went as far as to issue an apology. Today, those same shirts are available, again. Why the sudden change of heart, and change of heart, again?

Founder, Owner, and President Aaron Schwarz released the following statement: “Towards the end of April I believe an attempt was made on my life. This was not an idle threat: this was a trip to the emergency room. The doctors tell me that whatever I ingested, it came close to killing me.”

“I believe the motivation behind the attack was the ‘Worse Than Hell’ section of my website.” said Schwarz. “Someone was so offended; they decided I deserved to die or to at least be seriously hurt.” Unfortunately for Schwarz, the list of people with that motive includes just about everyone on the planet. “Who have I offended?” asked Schwarz. “How much time do you have?”

“I took down ‘Worse Than Hell’ because we needed some time to sort things out.” said Schwarz. “I was concerned for the safety of my family and my employees. So, we let everybody know what happened and that the stakes had been raised. Anybody who didn’t want to stay was free to go. With the exception of one employee, everyone has decided to stick it out. My family and friends have supported the decision to bring the shirts back.”

“I take great comfort from the fact that my employees and my family stood behind me. We’ve also received an enormous amount of support from our fans. Most continued to shop with us while they called us cowards and sellouts. That was nice, too.”

Schwarz is sticking with one change he announced last month: that is his desire to help those less fortunate than himself. “Which is pretty much everybody.” jokes the millionaire entrepreneur. He is still going to donate up to 30% of his profits to charities that are involved with the groups, and events he satirizes on his site, as well as groups that support free speech.

"I’ve decided that I'm willing to be a martyr for freedom of speech and even though I may be risking my life, it’s a chance I’m willing to take for a philosophy I believe in." said Schwarz. "If people can’t take a joke, that’s their problem. What I do is comedy. I have no ill intentions, just a passionate, crude sense of humor. If someone wants to kill me over a funny t-shirt, so be it."

I sure am glad I've already disowned the human race. If I hadn't, I think I would now. Somebody actually fucking poisoned the owner of T-Shirt Hell because they were offended by the shirts.... This goes completely beyond arguments about free speech and people being too easily offended by a FUCKING JOKE. Someone tried to kill this man.

Let that sink in, you fucking morons... Someone went through the process of tracking this man down and learning his routine enough to put themselves in a position to slip a deadly substance into his food or drink. We're not just talking about some random nutjob who threw a molitov cocktail into his yard or something on a whim. We're talking about a fucking well thought out, premeditated attempt at MURDER!

Remember me saying that freedom is dead in this country? This is more proof of that. It's bad when the government tries to squash free speech; it's a whole shitload worse when our culture has become such that there are people who take it upon themselves to kill over a fucking joke. The fact that such people can even exist is a pathetic testament to Amerika.

Is Aaron Schwarz a sick fucked-up asshole? Hell yeah, but he's also damn funny. There's a joke and then there's reality. Most people fail to realize that the two are entirely seperate things. Just because a 9/11 joke is funny, doesn't mean that we don't care about all the people that died on 9/11. Just because a Michael Jackson joke makes me do a spit take doesn't mean that I don't feel bad for him, if he's innocent, or for the kids he hurt, if he's guilty. Just because I find this shirt funny does NOT mean that I find child abuse funny OR that Aaron Schwarz finds it funny! A joke is a joke, it is NOT reality, you fucking idiots!


You don't kill someone over a fucking joke! You just don't DO that! The problem is that people take this shit seriously. They don't have a fucking sense of humor. They have a sick warped view of reality -- Yes, they have the sick view of reality, not the people who are making the fucking jokes. The jokes are sick and twisted, yes, but for the people that hate them it's reality that's twisted. Again, a joke DOES NOT EQUAL reality!

And then, of course, there's the great big steaming pile of hypocrital bullshit to consider. Hmm, let's see, I think that something is incredibly immoral so I'll fix the problem by doing something even more immoral, like murder! Yeah, what a great idea! Fucking loser.... and I, the great and wise Lord Galen, hereby offer my support for Aaron Schwarz and T-Shirt Hell. I find every single shirt on that site to be funny as hell! So, you dumbass wannabe fascists can just come kill me too!

"For those who don't get that what I do is simply comedy and for those who feel that I should be hurt because of my shirts. Well... I'm not hiding."
-- Aaron Schwarz
Owner, T-Shirt Hell

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