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Nothing
July 25, 2005


This rant is about absolutely nothing of any importance whatsoever. Why would I write a rant about nothing? Aren't I here to spread the word about great injustices and such?

No, I'm not. I'm here to bitch about whatever's pissed me off and if it happens to be some trivial little thing that only bothers ME, then you can just deal.

You can all thank Crimson_Might for this big pile of nothing. After reading my 666 rant a few minutes ago, he popped up on MSN to tell me that it was retarded. It's just a little thing and why would I rant about something like that? So here ya go, fuckwad, complete, random, nothing of any value.

The other night, I ate 4 cups of chocolate pudding in a row. My asshole felt like a subway tunnel. I know it's tempting kids, but that whole snack pack just isn't worth the pain of blowing out your O-ring.

My satellite pissed me off the other night. It was raining heavily, so it lost it's signal. I turned it off and back on and the son of a bitch wouldn't work! It stayed like that until my wife got home and, I'll be damn, she turned the fucker on and it WORKED! I suppose that was payback for all the times I've done that shit to her with the computer.

Why the fuck can't Dakota Fanning get top billing in War of the Worlds? She's a better fucking actor than Tom Cruise ever dreamed of being! It's because she's a kid, of course. Nevermind that she's one of the best actors of any age in Hollywood, let's just forget about giving her top billing. Fuck Tom Cruise. He's washed up.

The "Kill Bill" movies SUCK! Shut up, I don't wanna hear it. They suck, period.

Why is it that in the Harry Potter books, expelliarmus is to disarm your opponent, but in the movies it sends people flying across the fucking room? I hate that.

If I hear Wilford Brimley mispronounce "diabetes" one more fucking time, I'm going to shit on his lawn. It's "die-uh-bee-tees" NOT "die-uh-beat-ess" you old fuck! If you're gonna have it, at least say it correctly. Oh, and he sucked in "This Old House" too. I hated that show.

I used to get a boner for Kellie Martin in "Life Goes On." God, she was hot. Too bad she turned into a fucking prude.

There was ONE episode of Dawson's Creek that I actually like. It's also the only one I've ever watched in its entirety. The one where that hot chick gets mugged and the whole show is about her and nobody else. No Dawson, nothing. That ruled.

Speaking of Dawson's Creek... "Pacey?" (or however the fuck you spell it). Did they just sit down one day and go "Ok, we need the pick the gayest fucking name we can come up with!" If it ends in the "A. C." sound, it's a GIRL'S NAME!

At the end of Chronicle of Riddick, why the fuck did the Lord Marshall tell his people to back off and let him fight Riddick? He spent the whole fucking movie going "OMG, IT'S TEH RIDDICK! HE'S GONNA FUCK ME UP!" and then at the very end he decides to fight the guy who was fucking prophesied to be his downfall! What the fuck?! And I'm pissed that Kyra died too, damnit! She was HOT! Oh yeah, the preceding paragraph contains spoilers.

It was all Mace Windu's fault. Annikan was totally on the Jedi's side until that buttfuck tried to kill Palpatine and, thus, proved Palpatine right about the Jedi! There goes Samuel L. Jackson, fucking things up as usual!

The T-Rexes in movies are like 10 times bigger than the real ones were! What the fuck! I saw a T-Rex skeleton at the Smithsonian and I'm like "What the hell? Is this a baby?" Like, in Jurassic Park 2, the T-Rex stepped on that dude and squashed his whole body flat. If a real T-Rex stepped on you, his foot would crush like half of your back, that's it. What a rip! Where the fuck are all the 10 story dinosaurs?!

Ok, I confess, I had the hugest crush on the girl twin (Wiley Kit) on Thundercats when I was like 8. So sue me!

Speaking of hot cartoon chicks, I always thought She-Ra was buttfuckin' ugly, but the chick she was before turning into She-Ra was hot! WTF?

I want more Back to the Future movies! Tell Michael J. Fox to get his shaky ass on the set NOW!

I also had a crush on the android from Small Wonder when I was about 10. Oh, c'mon, like the fact that she'd do absolutely anything you told her to do never put a few bad thoughts in YOUR head! And she slept in her "brother's" toy closet? Yeah... right... Like he never tried a thing or two!

Hilary Clinton can suck my dick. I was gonna vote for her, but not anymore! I'm gonna create a new video game called "Rape Assault 2005" just to piss her off! And it'll be rated E!

Ok, I've gone on long enough. This is boring now. Fuck you, Crimson.



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