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MAPSU - Mothers Against Peeing Standing Up
February 24, 2005

First of all, go right ahead and take a look at this website:

Now, once you've finished laughing your ass off, you should realize that the site's owner states in no uncertain terms that this site is NOT a joke. This is a serious genuine organization promoted to getting men to sit down when they pee.

My first thought is, of course, "what the fuck?" There's crime, discrimination, war, poverty, disease, Bill O'Reilly, etc. yet with all the horrible things in the world to fight, these morons choose to take up forcing men to sit when they pee as a serious cause?! Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ, what a bunch of no-life, lame-ass, fucking LOSERS! Get a hobby! No, I mean a hobby besides trying to force your warped feminazi few of "manhood" on other people!

After getting over the initial shock and "wtf?" reaction, I then began to get angry.. very, very angry. Note the title of their site: Mothers against.... These weird-ass old bitches are moms and no doubt some of them are moms to little boys. All I can imagine from this is their poor sons being forced to sit and pee, maybe never even learning how to do it standing and then these boys go to school and throughout their lives will get ridiculed and called a fucking sissy! All the boys will laugh at them and tease them, then they'll tell the girls and the little girls will giggle and point and laugh too!

You MAPSU whores don't know a damn thing about men, obviously, and your sons are the ones who will suffer. Let me explain the whole "peeing standing up" thing for you. It is a little boy's sort of "right of passage." It is a basic part of "being a guy" that fathers teach their sons. Taking this away from a little boy is tantamount to putting him in a fucking dress! You are robbing him of his male identity and though the concept of a male identity may be absolute crap to warped little feminazi bitches like yourselves, it is very, very, VERY important to a young boy!

And, hey, this isn't some great big macho-man saying this. My favorite color is pink, I hate football (and almost all sports really), I don't work out and really couldn't care less about how big my biceps are, I have a penis of approximately 6 inches in length and it satisfies my wife quite nicely so I really couldn't give less of a flying fuck whether I'm "big" or not; I'm big enough. And, I have a pink-haired "My Little Pony" sitting on the top shelf of my desk; it sits there because I think it's cute and don't give a damn about how "unmanly" it is. Oh, and let me not forget to mention that my wife is the bread-winner and I'm the homemaker. I work on an as-needed basis as a substitute teacher at an elementary school and plan on getting a degree so that I can teach Pre-K.

I've told you all this about me so that you CAN'T come running back with your de facto retort of "You're just a stupid man trying to be macho and expecting us to put up with it." No, I'm not interested in machismo, and great over-bearing masculinity disgusts me just as much as your over-bearing feminine-supremacy bullshit!

With that crap safely out of the way, let me say this again. You are ROBBING your sons of their male identity! You'd might as well just cut off his fucking dick! It's obvious that you hate the damn thing anyway and that you hate men in general. Damnit, pissing while standing is a defining trait of being a male in the eyes of very young boys. You are taking that away from them, you goddamn fucking whores!

Now, in all seriousness and with name-calling and other crap aside for the moment, allow me to cast off my own ego for the sake of those little boys. I am begging - pleading! - with you: Please, PLEASE, stop subjecting your sons to treatment and ideals that will cause them to have major gender-role issues for the rest of their lives. Will you also force them to shave their legs and armpits, because hair in those places isn't any more neccesary than pissing while standing? Will you refuse to let them grow facial hair because it's too manly? I'm being very serious here, you ladies have some deep troubling issues with men and you are transferring those issues to your sons and daughters (yes, your daughters too, for they will be the ones to inherit your extremely misguided anti-male ideas).

And, frankly, as a Youth Rights activist, I have to say that you, as a parent, have no business in your child's bathroom. After you've taught them how to use the toilet, your involvement in that room ENDS! You teach little girls to sit down, pee, wipe from front to back, flush, and leave. You teach little boys how to aim. You don't like that they might piss on the seat every now and then? Fine, teach them to aim BETTER!

Let's now take on the "myths" listed on mapsu.org, shall we?

MYTH #1: "Men can pee standing up"

Fact: The reality is men can NOT pee standing up without getting as much as a stray drop on the seat or the outside surface of the toilet. Fragmentation of the urine stream causes particles of urine to dissipate. The larger the distance urine has to travel, the bigger the dissipation radius gets.
    Some of you may say, "No, not me! I can pee through a donut from 40 feet above!" Well, mister hand-eye coordination, you are probably one of those people who also never ask for directions. Admitting that you have a problem is half the battle. At some point in your life you need to ask yourself, "Is it worth it? What has peeing standing up cost me in my life?"
Absolute, complete, total fucking lies. Being a man who has peed outside a great many times, I can tell you that the urine stream hits the ground 2 feet away from me with enough force to drill a small hole! Urine particles don't go flying all over the fucking place at that velocity. I suggest you pick up a book on Physics that focuses on fluid dynamics, you ignorant cunt.

MYTH #2: "It's a victimless crime."

Fact: Peeing standing up destroys families. Who cleans the bathrooms in your house? Your mother? Your wife? Even if you clean up after yourself, what happens when you are a guest at someone's home, over at your friend's house, visiting the inlaws, or using a public bathroom? Why should someone else have to suffer for your unwillingness to sit down?
Look, moron, just because all the men you know are apparently retards doesn't men that we all are. You make it sound like pissing is turning on a fucking sprinkler system! It's a solid stream that any idiot should be able to control with ease. Sometimes, even the best of us lose control though and when this happens most men clean it up, unless you're just a fucking inconsiderate moron. If that's the case, then that man has more problems then not being able to pee correctly.

Oh, and *I* clean the toilets in my house! Guess what I've never once had to clean though? That's right, I've never even once had to clean pee from the toilet seat. And while we're on the subject of the toilet seat, even if a guy misses every single time, how the fuck are you managing to sit down in it? You're supposed to put that second lid DOWN before you sit, dipshit! If you're using the toilet correctly, you shouldn't be sitting in piss even if I tried my best to trace a circle around the rim of the bowl!

You women are fucking idiots. You're wasting your time on a meaningless cause that will change NO ONE and the only life it will ever affect are the lives of your innocent little boys whom you will scar for life. Thanks a lot, moms!

I genuinely hope your son's school counselor notices this shit and they take your kids away for psychological abuse. You don't deserve them. The mental abuse thing is a stretch (even for me), but I can still hope for it. Rot in hell, you horrid man-hating wenches!

[ UPDATE: 6-17-2005 ]

Giving this matter some further thought, I decided that I had no room to criticize without trying it for myself. So, for the last couple of days, I've made it a point to pee sitting down whenever I thought about it. Of course, it's damn near an automated process to go pee and not something most people put thought into, so I haven't done it that often cuz I keep forgetting. However, it really only took a few times to realize that sitting to pee is damn sure not for men.

Here's the problem. When you're sitting down, you can't shake your dick off. Yeah, I managed to, but it must not work that well sitting down. When I stood up, a small bit of piss seemed to say "Hey, gravity, let's go!" and escaped. Do you know how fucking pissed off (pardon the pun) I was when I pulled up my pants and the inside was WET because more piss leaked out when I stood up?! Not only that, but some got on the floor too! Hell, I even tried wiping my dick off before standing up (y'know, wipe like a chick... front to back, not back to front, bitch, LOL!). Didn't do any fucking good!

And MAPSU has the fucking nerve to claim that it's less messy for a guy to sit down and piss? Well, I tried it and that's horse shit! It makes a BIGGER mess once the guy stands up! so, let's review:

A normal man's way: Maybe a few sprinkles get on the toilet rim, where women shouldn't be sitting any damn way.

MAPSU's way: Piss goes everywhere!

I think I'll remain standing, thank you very much!

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PS - oh ya, btw, MAPSU is a parody. Did I forget to mention that before you sent them many angry e-mails and posted on their forum like dumbasses? Oops.