The Little Sniper That Couldn't
October 1, 2005
Once upon a time, there was a little Sniper (a SnipeMe fan) named Crimson_Might. Now, little Crim was a faithful Sniper. He was always reading Lord Galen's Rants and posting on Lord Galen's Holy Message Board and even popping up on MSN to bug the shit out of Lord Galen like all the other little Snipers.
Then one day, Crimson_Might wanted to join Lord Galen's favorite organization in the world, the National Youth Rights Association. Lord Galen asked him, "So you think you can be a good Youth Rights Activist?" and Crimson replied, "I think I can... I think I can."
Lord Galen, being the great and awesome god that he is, helped his little follower to get started. When Crimson had stupid questions about the membership form, Galen answered them. When he couldn't manage to make the forum work right for him, Galen was there to help. When he still couldn't make the forum work, Galen talked to people to get it fixed. When he still couldn't make the forum work, Galen assumed he was an idiot, but looked into it anyway. When Galen found that it all got fucked up because Crimson_Might entered his e-mail address incorrectly and screwed the whole process up, Galen had pity on his dumbass little Sniper and went to fetch the great Master Rich (the database guy) so they could go combing through the NYRA forum database and fix Crimson's fuck up.
Oh, but Crimson_Might wanted to be a *real* member, not one of those slack ass non-paying members who doesn't do shit except waste space in the NYRA membership database! So Lord Galen told him to send in his $10 yearly dues to NYRA. When Crim was too stupid to find the address, Lord Galen gave it to him.
Then when the money never arrived because Crimson was stupid enough to put cash in an envelope, Galen didn't laugh at him too badly and he certainly didn't call him a dumbfuck more than a few times. In fact, Lord Galen's generousity was so great that he paid Crimson's dues for him (for surely the minutes Galen spent ROFL@Crimson were worth $10).
Ah, but the good little Sniper didn't want to be indebted to Galen. He feared that Galen may add interest and then one day call up and say "Remember that $10 you owe me? Well, with all the interest it now adds up to SURPRISE BUTTSEX!" So Crimson's fear of Galen's wrath was great and he insisted that he should pay Galen back. Galen agreed and gave the poor little Sniper his home address, asking him "Are you sure you can send the money correctly?" to which Crimson_Might replied "I think I can.... I think I can."
Soon, the check arrived and when Lord Galen gazed upon it, he beheld a site of such great stupidity that he had to simply hang his head and feel pity for the dumbass little Sniper.
Hear ye, hear ye! CLICK HERE and view the check that Crimson_Might sent!
Ok, the story stops there. Yes, you read that correctly folks. Crimson made the check out to "Lord Galen." How fucking stupid can you be....?
And then when I confront the twit about it on MSN, he has the nerve to say they'll still cash it because they cash checks for him when people mispell his name....
I know, I know. You're all sitting there right now trying to think of reasons that I could still deposit the check. Just save your precious few brain cells. As far as the bank is concerned, that check is not made out to me. It's made out to someone whose legal name is "Lord Galen." While all of you might associate the name "Lord Galen" with ME, I can assure you that it's not legal and the bank will not give a fuck about my website.
And so, without further ado, I am proud to present Crim with this award for doing the absolute stupidest thing that has been done to me in recent years. In addition to this, I'm framing that check as a tribute to his idiocy.
Congratulations, Crimson, you're a dumbshit.
And the moral of the story? While the little Sniper thought he could, it appears that he most definately CAN NOT!
Back to the Rant Menu