How To Deal With The Ku Klux Klan
June 5, 2005
Earlier tonight, as I sat back playing video games and scratching my balls, there came a knock at my door. I opened it to find a white-sheeted moron standing there trying to hand me some literature. I kinda raised my eyebrow and took the pamphlet. It was all about why I should join the Ku Klux Klan or at least support them.
The dude standing there covered with his white sheet asked me if I'd care to make a donation to their organization and support my white brothers. At that point I found myself wishing that my wife was black so I could call her over and say "Hey baby, these guys wanna know if we'll support them. Whatddya think, should we just cut 'em a check or what?" I'd love to do that, it would so fuckin' rule.
But, since my wife isn't black, I had to resort to plan B. I tore the pamphlet in half, threw it back at him, and spit on his stupid ass. I then said "You got five seconds to run, bitch" and slammed the door.
Well, after getting my shotgun with it's badass laser scope, I came back and opened the door. The dude was gone, but there was a pamphlet taped onto my front door. Oh, that was just fucking it! Told the wife I was going out and not to wait up, so off I went through the neighborhood to look for that bastard and his friends. Of course there were more of them! This is an annual thing with the Klan where they go around spreading their bullshit. They pull that shit with the white people and with the black people, they thank them for killing each other with all the gang violence cuz it "makes the white man's life a lot better."
Well, it didn't take long. The KKK dude was across the street at my (black) neighbor's door. I ran up behind him and cracked his skull with the butt of my gun. It made a really cool sound, but not as cool as the sound it made when my black neighbor started stomping on his head and the two of us kicked the shit out of him until he stopped bitching about his stupid fucking cracked ribs and concusion. Fucking pussy...
Well, the sound of his cries for mercy had brought a couple more Klan freaks running to see what the problem was. They were running up and I heard one say "Get the nigger-lover and his pet coon." Well, that just pissed me off, cuz I don't love any damn body! So, I squeezed off the two shells in my double-barrel into one of each of their knees. Dude, seriously, kneecaps can fly pretty fucking far if you hit 'em at just the right angle! So anyway, they went down and started screaming for help, so while I was re-loading, my neighbor when over their and cut their throats. Well, I was fucking pissed that he didn't let me do one of 'em, so I shot him in the head.
Another Klan dude ran up at about this time and I didn't feel like hearing the word "nigger" come out of his fucking mouth so I just went ahead and shot his balls off, that way he could only scream. Then I cut his throat and that made me feel better.
I climbed up in a tree to get a better view of the neighborhood and reloaded the gun. From up there, I could see the apartment buildings that sit behind my house. There was this Klan dude up there talking to this little black boy and girl who looked to be about 6 years old. I put the pretty red dot on his lower back and POW! The kids got sprayed with a pretty good bit of blood, but they just laughed gleefully and started jumping up and down on the paralyzed dumbass. I assume he finally died, but the last thing I saw was them dragging him into the house and even though it was far away, I'm pretty sure I heard the boy say something about the dog being in heat and how much he'd enjoy this "treat." The Klan dude was still alive at that time and I did hear a dog howling later that night, so....
Anyway, on through the neighborhood I went. I found four more Klansmen. The first one was bothering this dumb bitch who was getting out of her car. I didn't bother with conversation, just blew the back of his head off. The second one was having a lovely conversation with this old white women who was writing out a check for him. I put a knife through his neck sideways and he made this cute little gurgling noises as he thrashed and slipped toward the ground. The old whitebread bitch started screaming and trying to attack me, so I ripped out her JC Penny earings and gouged her eyes out with them. Stupid racist old slut... I got creative with her and decided to see how hard I had to slam her apartment door on her head before it killed her. Damn, that shit took forever!
So anyway... I found the 3rd and 4th guy standing together in front of the apartment dumpsters. Sounded like they were having a quaint little chat about this "fag" they killed last week. I ran back around to the parking lot where I killed that first dude. The dumb bitch was still standing there in shock or some other pussy-ass shit, so I just snatched her keys and took her car. Drove around the corner and floored it. Hahaha, damn near cut both of those Klan fucks in half with I nailed 'em between the car and the dumpster! They were still whining about how much it hurt when I got out of the car, so I got back in, backed up, and very carefully rolled over their heads. SPEEDBUMP!
The cops showed up a little later and said something about murder charges or some other such shit. They started to arrest me, but the guy in charge on the scene was black so he took custody of me and we drove to the nearest bar where we toasted to the death of all those redneck fucks. He dropped me off at home where my wife was waiting to bitch at me about killing all those people, but I stuck my dick in her mouth and she shut up.
Ok, so.... really none of that actually happened. But if the Klan ever comes knocking on my door as part of their yearly support drive, that's exactly what's gonna happen, damnit! You can bet on it! Everybody follow my lead!
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