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Princess Diana
Jan 1, 2005

I really don't know how SnipeMe has been around for a year now and I haven't already brought this up. Really, I don't. But right now my wife has me downloading all these fuckin' Elton John songs for her (yeah, that's right Elton, downloadin' your shit - bite me!) and one of the songs she wanted is that motherfuckin' gay ass Candle In The Wind 2 (and that's "gay" as in "lame" not "gay" as in "homosexual" you over-sensitive PC pricks!). You know the one; that fuckin' stupid ass remake he did when Princess Di.... well, Died! I suppose we should change her name to past-tense now. Princess Died.. Bwahahaha!

Anyway, I told my wife what a fuckin' retarded song that was and so she argued with me about it (I dunno why she bothers after being married to me for 4 years, she should know better, but whatever) and it got me newly pissed off about this shit, so here I am on my gigantic soapbox to bitch about it.

People of the world, let's get something straight. Princess Diana was a self-serving pompous little bitch! Oh, what's that? She did a lot of good for people? Well sure she did! She wanted props from every fuckin' body for what a great and noble person she was! That was her way of quietly raising her middle finger to the royal family! Now, I can't deny having respect for an ex-princess wanting to tell the Royals to go fuck themselves, but what I can't respect is the way she did it. She was a fucking fake and a dirty little whore who pretended to be all wholesome and good so everybody would love her! Hey, I would've really liked her if she'd just come right out and mooned the Queen to begin with instead of all this "look at me, I'm so great and wholesome and noble, so you must've been a real cumsack to have kicked me out!" fuckin' shit.

Princess Diana was a bitch. She was a stuck-up little bitch for years and years before the royal family put their pristine collective foot to her ass, but everybody suddenly forgot what a bitch she was once she became an attention-seeking media whore!

Barely could we take a breath after her death before Mother Theresa died...... *crickets chirp*

Princess Died gets full page obituaries, people crying and pissing themselves over her death and all that melodramatic bullshit, while Mother Theresa gets a blurb on the 6 o'clock news? WHAT THE FUCK?! That glory-hogging little SLUT has you fuckers in tears doing a damn circle-jerk in her honor (sorry, she's british, I meant "honour") just because she knew how to play your heart strings like a pro, while the true Saint who dedicated her ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE to the service of her fellow human beings got absolutely fuck-all!

But it's alright... It all gets sorted out in the afterlife. Right now, Diana's up to her $10,000 earrings in flames while Theresa's sitting up there eating Little Debbie snack cakes with Jesus, laughing her ass off!

Or, if you believe in reincarnation instead... Remember the ugly little runt that came out when your pet dung beetle's eggs hatched? There goes Princess Shit-doesn't-stink! Theresa, she was born to a sweet rich couple in Hartford not long ago and gets to live out her life as a spoiled little rich bitch who, thankfully, won't turn out to be anything like typical spoiled rich bitches (ie, Paris Hilton, Hillary Duff, etc.)

Now, all you Princess Died fans can fuck off! It was her own fault. If she hadn't been giving that dude a handjob while he was driving she'd still be here with us today as the great big royal pain in the ass she's always been.

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