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Number of the Beast, 666
July 25, 2005


Oooh, yeah, it's that evil number. If you're a devout Christian, it might even make your skin crawl to see it in print. Does it freak you out when you make a purchase and your total is $6.66? Would it bother you if your favorite TV show came on channel 666? Or maybe, if there was a building tall enough, some dumbass contractor would avoid putting Floor 666 in just like so many of the twits currently avoid the 13th floor like people are gonna fucking die if they visit it?

If any of these things applies to you, then congratulations, you win the "Superstitious Idiot of the Day" award! The number 666 is not evil and it bears no more religious signifcance than the fact that it's meant as a name tag for the Anti-Christ. Not sure what I'm talking about? That's because you're a fuck. Don't worry though, I'm about to hold your greasy little hand and use small words to explain it to your stupid ass.

Biblical scholars and experts have long agreed that the number "six hundred, three score, and six" (or 666) mentioned in the Book of Revelation is merely an identifying marker - a sign post - for recognizing the Anti-Christ. You see, the ancient Hebrew alphabet had numeric value assigned to each letter (it may still work this way, I don't know). If someone shows up on the world scene who seems to fit the profile of the Anti-Christ, here's how you tell if it's really him. You spell out his name in Hebrew, then add up the numeric value of the letters. If your sum is six hundred and sixty-six, then you just correctly identified the Anti-Christ. Don't you feel proud of yourself.

Let's try a little excersize in this, shall we? Let's say that the number of your truly awesome god is 46. Now, if you want to know who your truly awesome god is... well, first we need to know the numeric value for the numbers. This is just an example so we'll make it simple.


Alright, so there's the numeric value for each letter of the alphabet. Now, let's see (just out of curiousity), what the numeric value is for "LORD GALEN" shall we?

L 7
O 5
R 5
D 3
G 7
A 8
L 7
E 3
N 1

Now, let's add up the numeric value of my name and see what we get.....

7+5+5+3+7+8+7+3+1=46

Well, how do ya like that?! Apparently, *I* am your truly awesome god! The proof is right in front of your eyes! Mwahahahaha!

[ Update: 8/4/2005 - A mistake in my math has been pointed out. I suck ass at math and that apparently includes even simple addition. LORD GALEN = 49, not 46! But, even so, I'm leaving it, simply because I don't fucking care ]

In all seriousness though, THIS is how the "number of the beast" works and THIS is what the number 666 is meant to represent. It's just a fucking name tag, you twats! It's not significant, it doesn't make you badass or "evil" to use it.

Yeah, that's right... Every single one of you who has some lame ass hotmail address or screen name like "666_Satan" or "I_am_the_antichrist666" you can just throw it away. You look like an idiot. The number is competely fucking MEANINGLESS unless you actually happen to BE the fucking Anti-Christ (and, sorry to disappoint you, but listening to your emo crap doesn't qualify). It doesn't matter how many pentegrams you have or how often you incorporate the number 666 into your daily life, you're not evil, you're not he fucking Anti-Christ, and you're not impressing anyone. You're a dumbass loser and that's all.

Yes, the same goes for all you idiot metal bands too! Even though I love Slipknot's "The Heretic Anthem" I gotta say that it's really fucking cheesy. The chorus goes "What's it like to be a heretic? If you're 555 then I'm 666!" Ok, (1), what the fuck does "555" mean? I Googled it in relation to religion and got nothing but church phone numbers containing 555, and (2) screaming "then I'm 666!" doesn't mean a fucking thing. Unless, of course, that's your age.

[ Update: 8/4/2005 - I did later discover the meaning behind the 555 thing. It's pretty cool, actually. Go to SongMeanings.net and search for the song to find out yourself if you wanna know. What, did you think I'd just tell you? Hahaha.... loser! ]

"Whoa, look at me, I'm 666, I'm a big badass." -- No, you're not. You're lame. Like I said, the song rocks, but you kinda have to suspend common sense in order to enjoy it. I'm used to metal being rather intelligent, not a cheesy shock-value "Hide your kids, I'm pretending to be a Satanist to scare you. Oh no, it's the early 80s again!"

And you haughty bitches sitting in church are no fucking better! If I walked into your church wearing a shirt that said "666" you would flip the fuck out and start thinking I'm evil. Why? It's a fucking number. Unless you add up the numeric value of my name and find that it is, in fact, 666, I don't think you've got much of a case for me being evil.

The point is that it's just a fucking number. It was only ever meant as an I.D. tag for the Anti-Christ, not as a rallying point for all things evil. The number itself is NOT evil. The number itself has no significant meaning AT ALL! 666 is just another thing that people who think they're "evil" or "anti-Christian" have chosen to make "bad" and Christians have likewise choosen to make the number something it's not.

Check it out:

6 6 6

Am I going to burn in Hell now? Am I suddenly pure evil because I've emblazened this page with that oh-so-horrible number? No. It's just a number and I'm sick of seeing you fucking morons treating it like it's something special. It's not. Get over it.

UPDATE - 12/23/2005: Some nice new information for you morons. I'm laughing my ass off at this. I just saw this on the Discovery channel and managed to find it on Wikipedia as well. Have a read, you dumbasses:

In May 2005 it was reported that scholars at Oxford University using advanced imaging techniques had been able to read previously illegible portions of an early (third century) version of the Book of Revelation, part of its Oxyrhynchus collection of papyri. The fragment gives the Number of the Beast as 616. Scholars now believe the number in question has very little to do with the devil. It was actually a complicated numerical riddle in Greek, meant to represent someone's name. "It's a number puzzle the majority opinion seems to be that it refers to [the Roman emperor] Nero." Alternative spellings of his name, Neron and Nero, can explain the presence of both 666 and 616 in the records, since dropping the last 'n' changes its numerical value from 666 to 616 ('n' representing 50).
--Source

Not only that, but most biblical scholars agree that the Book of Revelations is NOT EVEN A PROPHECY! Dumbasses.



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