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Stupid Old Men Enforcing Ageist Laws are Fucked Up
By: Eli Gottlieb
Aug. 8, 2005

Well, the title about sums it up. I was biking down Main Street in Newark, DE where I'm on vacation for a few days, and I ride by this old man, right? Didn't hit him, didn't tell him to get out of the way, didn't do anything wrong.

For SOME fucking reason though, he still feels he has to elbow me. "Can't you read the sign?!" he demanded, pointing to some damned sign positioned on a parking meter at a right angle to where anyone will be looking if they're riding a bike or a skateboard (also banned) or even just looking FORWARD while walking rather than swiveling their stupid-ass head! Lo and fucking behold, he is correct in saying that the sign bans bikes and skateboards on the sidewalks.

SO WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO BIKE ASSHOLE! There were no shoulders on the roads, people bike there all the damn time and I do believe he's the only person YET to decide that a stupid law banning bikes and skateboards needs vigilante enforcement.

It's not only stupid, it's fucking AGEIST in my opinion. Everyone knows that skateboarding is more fun than walking, biking is faster and that driving a car requires that you be 16 or up and have a license. However, there is a supposed SAFTEY concern about having some people walk and others ride, especially if the riders could hit the walkers and somebody sues somebody. So what do these people do, add shoulders to the roads for us to ride in? OF COURSE NOT, THAT WOULD HELP THE KIDS! Instead they just ban bikes and skateboards and I had to walk mine all the fucking way down Main Street. How am I supposed to get around if I can't ride a bicycle? OK, this is a walkable town, but it still helps to have a bike if I want to go all the way to say... the game store for an MtG tournament or something and don't want to spend 30-40 minutes walking when I could shorten it to 10 cycling.

And this old guy was the only person who felt entitled to tell me or any other biker (yes, there were others) that we couldn't ride. I don't believe even the police were stopping us, but this guy thinks he can just elbow you because you didn't read a fucking sign at a right damned angle to where you should be looking with a stupid rule on it that not one asshole besides him gives a shit about.

As a bunch of kids on skateboards said later when I asked them what was up with this rule: "That guy was a fag." Oh, wait, that's disrespectful to gay people, isn't it? Oh, well, I'll just settle for calling the stupid old guy a bundle of sticks.

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