Thank you Captain Fucking Obvious
By: Xavier A Kadafi
March 27, 2005
Okay, this rant was inspired by entirely stupid fucking people. All of you know who you are, and if you don't... Wow... Just go kill yourself now..
Today, I went to my aunt's for Easter Dinner, Well, so maybe it's not Easter, but everybody does their own thing on Easer and my family's get together is the day before. Not that that's any of your business, but I felt like sharing, k?
Well, If you don't know me, I'd like to state to you how I dress. My pants sag, my shirts are large, and my had is never facing foward. Woohoo, you've probly stopped caring because I'm just another dumb hoodlum.
But, back to the story. Today, 3 different people told me that the tag is still on my hat. This tag is a large piece of cardboard that hangs from one of the holes in the hat that I've had for at least 6 months. Of course, they didn't know I had this hat for that long, but use your common sense, you fucking retards. You know that I know I have the tag still on my hat. Nobody's that stupid to not know they still have the tag on their hat, if it's there. Now, of course, we've all left a tag on here or there that we wanted to remove, but never something large, blatantly obviously and more so, on a hat!
It's really not that the people tell me that bothers me. It's that they know I know I have the tag still on my hat. If you don't, get back on your short bus and take another year of high school or something. Fuck it, there's no hope for you, just kill yourself. All of you dumbasses just think you're so unique, funny, and witty. Guess what.. YOU'RE NOT! I've heard it about 50x by now and it wasn't funny the first time.
Then of course, somebody has to be even more intelligent and suggest that I'm leaving the tag on so that I can take it back to the store when I get bored of it. AHAHAHAHAHA....
REJECTED! It's been said a thousand times, and it's still not funny. You know why? because NO! It's a fucking hat, it's not a $500 prom dress or suite. Can you get any more stupid?
But we'll get off of the hat. My shirts come down to my knees. Do you realize how many fucking people have told me that my shirt's really fucking long? Do you think I don't know this? Do you think I didn't know this when I bought the fucking shirt? Honestly, you people are god damned stupid if you don't think I know this already.
The list goes on of this bullshit. "You're pants are falling down." No, this is how I wear them.. If you can't tell. I know my pants are half-way off my ass. Guess what, I don't care. "I can see your boxers." Great for you, do you want a fucking cookie now, too?
"That watch isn't real." Really now? I've never heard of a fake fucking watch. If it has a dial, and two little stick thingies that point to an area of the dial that refers to a time of the day, then guess what. The fucking watch is real, or all we all just imagining that it's strapped to my wrist? "No, but the diamonds aren't real, and it isn't real [insert expensive metal]." Well you fucking jackass, how many people do you know that could afford to ahve about 25k of diamonds put into a watch and then have it made out of some very expensive metal? I know I can't, and neither can you, so shut the fuck up.
This isn't all about me, though.. There are plenty of other cases just like this where people tell you really stupid shit to try and be witty and funny when they're just fucking retarded. I'm not talking about the guy/girl whose nice and says something obvious that you don't notice. "Hey, your shoes untied." Oh shit, I might have tripped, thank you. But if you're gonna tell me "You're hat's not on straight." or "You're white." (Really? I thought I was fuckin purple. Quit being a little Nazi, let people be who they are instead of having to be a certain way because the stereotypical person of that race doesn't look /dress like them.) SHUT THE FUCK UP! I know already, you're not amusing. Get back on the short bus.
You suck and that's sad.
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