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Never Asked for Career Advice!
By: Katrina
April 12, 2005



Let's get this straight now, people. Leave me the hell alone about my educational and career choices! You know the kind of harassment you get starting about midway through college? I'd pretty well committed myself to going for a degree in biology. I made my decision. But no. Every time I got asked my major by someone else within the school of science, I had to hear "Biology sucks, be a chemistry major, be a physics major, blah blah blah". I considered switching to chemistry but changed my mind. I'd be at that school two extra years since that degree requires all this extra shit I didn't feel like worrying with. I decided to minor in it instead, though.

Well, those idle suggestions are one thing. Small stuff. Then I had my dad trying to tell me what classes I'm supposed to be taking. That pissed me off right there. One semester, I was kind of in between "core" requirement courses for the bio degree, so I took parasitology as a bio elective for that semester. Upper level credit was a plus, which was needed. But no. I had to hear "Well, why did you take any biology classes at all then? What's so great about parasites?" Gee, you tell me. Why on earth would a biology major want to take a fucking biology class? Wow, that'll have me stumped for a good long time! I'll think on it again when you're getting into a heated argument with me about how stupid it was to have taken Organic Chemistry even though it's not a biology class nor upper level. Hey, maybe I needed the fucking class not only to get into Cell Biology but also for my chemistry minor! You know, just because you have your fancy Journalism degree from a university in the same state as the one I was going to does NOT make you a fucking expert on my curriculum!

Then there's the shit you get from teachers when you're lowering the per capita GPA of the research lab. Everyone else working in my lab would shit themselves if, God forbid!, their grade point average fell below 3.8! Then there's me with my humble 2.5 GPA. I'm a C student. So sue me. I was never one of these "cum laude" assholes, and at my graduation, I just giggled my ass off every time those words were said. It was funny how the teachers just could not comprehend that I had such a "low" GPA, yet, for some odd reason, I had not changed my major! In fact, when I was having trouble in one of my classes and went to the teacher for help, all the asshole could say was "Maybe this isn't the right career for you." And he didn't help me the least bit on my fucking homework!

The educational part was over soon enough, but the career advice had barely gotten started! Grad school was out of the question for me (because of my LOW GPA, fuckers!) so, now thrust away from my college life and one bachelor's degree richer, I had to find a job. For OVER A FUCKING YEAR, I heard from just about everyone "Send out more resumes! Send out more resumes! Get more interviews! Get a job!" Oh, really? You don't fucking say, you fucking moron! What do you think I'd been TRYING to fucking do?! I'd been on a few painfully unsuccessful interviews. I'm fucking working on it, assholes! "Look in the Washington Post! Look in the Gazette! Look on Monster.com! Check out NIH!" NIH! Every fucking one who finds out my degree is in biology wants me to work for the fucking National Institutes of Health. Well, I found out a little something about working for the government. I would not even be considered for employment with them for over a year while they're running all their little background checks on me! Then there's the whole waiting game for the job itself, which I wouldn't get because, well, let's look at the name of the place again. National INSTITUTES of Health! It's fucking academic! And what does that mean? That's right. My grades aren't up to the stupid little standards of academia. So I'd waste about two years total for NOTHING!

By the grace of God, I finally joined a temp agency over a year after my graduation, which gave decent pay all things considered, but since the place was only giving me crappy office work, it got old REAL fast. I wanted back into the whole lab environment. I did enjoy the temping a bit. Of course, when I'm actually enjoying something for the time being, that's precisely when everyone else has to get on my ass about it.

"What are you doing after this? Have you sent out more resumes? Why don't you work for a law office? That would be a neat job!" Every fucking day! I was happy I was finally employed after sitting on my ass for 14 months, but nobody else will leave me the fuck alone. Eventually, neither did my asshole temp agency. I wanted to get into a scientific job full time, but since they don't work with that type of company (and I had even made it clear I was only with them for very short temp work!) they threw a hissy fit and acted like I had a "choice" to make. They scheduled some interview for me for some hotel company way out somewhere that would take me over two hours to get to (isn't public transportation fucking GREAT?!), and when I ended up having to cancel it, they fired me. Fuck them!

I was not screwed, since I had joined a different temp agency, one that dealt with lab stuff exclusively! Right around the time the other one dropped me, this new one got me a nice job at a local pharmaceutical place for about four months! Yay! Since I was starting out, much of what I did with the lab itself was just maintenance stuff (i.e. washing glassware, instrument calibration, other stuff) but I was happy with that. What happens when I'm happy with my current situation? That's right. Everyone has to be a fucking dick about it, and for some reason it was even worse than before.

"Why aren't you sending out resumes? The job you have now sucks. They're not having you do enough." I had to hear this shit from my father all the fucking time. Then he goes and says all this to my mom who lives on the other side of the fucking country and therefore only hears his side of it since I never talk to her. The one time she does talk to me, the first words out of her mouth are "Have you sent out any resumes today?"

Let's make this clear, shall we? Did you not listen to me when I said I was HAPPY with my job? No. You only listened to the part where I mentioned all I did was answer phones and wash glassware. I'm a rookie. What are you fucking expecting me to do, perform neurosurgery? Imagine that. A recent biology grad is working a newbie job at a lab! How fucking odd! News flash, Mr. I Know More About Your Career Than You Do! That's where biologists fucking start!

And stop fucking telling me to get a permanent job! I'm happy with the temporary assignments. Did you hear that? Maybe I should repeat it. I'M HAPPY WITH THE TEMPORARY ASSIGNMENTS, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!! I'll get the permanent job soon enough. Right now, I'm a temp and I'm content being one. Let a player play, you know!

So next time one of you jerkoffs feel the need to tell me what I "should" be doing with my life, just run around behind the house and fuck yourself for a little while. You'll accomplish more that way. Is it the only fucking thing you know how to talk to me about? Quit being a condescending dick that acts like you need to be my voice of reason on what choices I make with what MY career is! It's not your job. It's not your life. It's fucking MINE! All MINE! When I say "hi" to you, "hi" does not mean "please tell me everything I'm doing wrong professionally, because I haven't heard it a zillion times before and will accept whatever you have to say on it". And for the last time, stop fucking pestering me about NIH. I don't give a shit about working for the government. I live with these choices. You just sit on your ass and try to think of the most obvious and overused bits of advice you can put together with what tiny little brainpower you have. Save that brain power for breathing, and SHUT THE FUCK UP about my career!


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