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Stripper
September 28, 2005



Dear Galen


I am a 19 year old college student from [omitted by Galen] and I have a problem. A friend said I should write to you because you don't give sappy stupid advice and patronize people.

I've been working as a stripper for about 8 months and my parents just found out what I do for a living. I still live with them and all this time they thought I worked the late shift at a truck stop in a nearby small town.

Now my mom is saying she's ashamed of me and my dad won't even talk to me except for the first night when he found out and yelled at me for 3 hours about how his friends all thought I was some kind of slut (he found out because a friend of his came into the club one night). They both agreed that if I don't quit my job right now then I can't live with them anymore.

Any advice?

-Stripper



Dear Stripper

First off, the friend that referred you to me must not be a very avid reader, lest he/she would know that I do indeed give sappy advice sometimes and I'm quite fond of patronizing (and belittling, don't forget about the belittling!) people.

But, such is not the case here.... Look, strippers have cash flowing outta their asses (sometimes literally). Why the fuck are you still living at home? And if you've been pretending to be a truck stop waitress (or whatever) then you obviously haven't been spending lots of cash. You must have an assload saved up! Take the money and run, baby!

If your parents would prefer that you be serving greasy food to horny truck drivers who're picturing you naked, instead of putting on a show for horny truck drivers who don't have to imagine, then that's their fucking problem. There's nothing wrong with your job. You have nothing to be ashamed of and NO REASON to explain yourself to them. You're 19 years old and in college. Get the fuck outta dodge, bitch!

Seriously, that's my only advice. Move out. If they don't want to accept your badass job where you probably make more money than they ever have just for shakin' your tits in some dude's face, tough shit. See, your parents aren't thinking this through. They think that you have nowhere else to go so they can just force you to comply by threatening to boot you out. Pack your shit and tell them good-bye. When they ask "And just where do you plan to go?" in that smug you'll-never-survive-without-us tone of voice, you just laugh and say, "Do you know how much strippers make? I can live anywhere I damn well please!" and walk out the door.

It's your life and your body; that makes it your decision, not theirs. They need a HARD fucking reminder of that fact.


Hate,
Galen


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